PIG News Digest | Beyond America

Fiddling In Jersey
Source: PIG News Wire [02/22/14]

When I read a story about someone getting pissy about the 'Sea of Japan', I assume the whiners are Korean. That's the case here, too, but in this case the whining Koreans are a long way from home. They live on the opposite side of the world, in New Jersey.

The Sea of Japan might be out of sight, but it's not out of mind. Determined to rename that body of water, they rattled some Elected Tormentor cages:

A group of local politicians in New Jersey would like to rewrite maps of Asia.

On Monday, five New Jersey Democrats introduced a bill that would rename the sea between Japan and the Korean peninsula.

Currently, the sea is known as the Sea of Japan. But, according to the Star-Ledger newspaper, the bill would require "the state and all its political subdivisions, 'to the extent practicable'" to refer to the body of water as both the "East Sea" and the "Sea of Japan." Textbooks in New Jersey schools would have to adopt the new names starting in 2016.

The five backers of the bill represent what the Star-Ledger described as a "large and politically active Korean-American community." South Koreans have argued the name "Sea of Japan" is "colonialist" while the Japanese government has said the name is more familiar to the international community. [TPM]

Fiddling? Yup, it's an election year.

WTF Is THAT?
Source: PIG News Wire [02/15/14]

Since she's living in 'council housing', a Brit mum, Clare Lilly, needed the Dunbarton Council to provide a solution to her problem. The problem involves Clare's 7 year old daughter Katie, who had difficulty getting into and out of her home, because she uses a wheelchair.

It seems like a simple matter, but the council managed to make it thrilling. After dithering for two years, the council deployed a 10 level winding monstrosity that burned through $66,800 in taxpayer money.

Why didn't they do something sensible? Nanny State regulations:

"The council said this was the only option to fit something into the garden because of building regulations. It is a lot easier but I don't believe that the council weren't able to do something else. We weren't fighting for a massive steel ramp - we just wanted to improve Katie's quality of life."

The family's problems have been further compounded by youths now using it as a skateboard run. Council officials have refused to install a gate, citing health and safety concerns. [Guardian]

Once again, Elected Tormentors have regulated themselves into a corner.

Now That's Funny
Source: PIG News Wire [02/07/14]

Palestinian officials are convinced that somebody has threatened to kill Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas. They are ready to files charges at the U.N.'s International Criminal Court.

So who is this brazen hit man? Secretary of State John Kerry. Yes THAT fool.

Palestinians are gripped by a new conspiracy theory: U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is trying to assassinate their president, Mahmoud Abbas. The theory is being propagated by senior Palestinian officials and media, and one official has threatened to file charges against Kerry at the United Nations' International Criminal Court.

The charge stems from a comment made by Kerry during a recent meeting with Abbas, during which he was reported to have said that "he would meet the same fate as his predecessor, Yasser Arafat, if he turned down Washington's proposals for peace with Israel," according to Khaled Abu Toameh of the Jerusalem Post.

The reference is to the fact that Arafat failed to establish a Palestinian state before his death in 2004. Yet given the fact that many Palestinians erroneously believe that Arafat was assassinated by Israel, allegedly by radioactive poisoning, the story was quickly distorted into reports that the U.S. had threatened to kill Abbas. A senior official in Fatah, Abbas's party, accused Kerry of "threatening the life of an elected Palestinian president."
[Breitbart]

Some fools say Secretary of State Kerry is better than nothing. I think we should test that notion and give 'nothing' its shot.

JANUARY 2014

Brass Nads
Source: PIG's Top Story [01/31/14]

Cautionary Tale: Demoted
He's a filthy rich Brit in his 70s and his life partner of 30 years is in her 50s. Married in the 1970s, they divorced in the 1990s, but continued to live together, very happily, it seems. Til death do us part? Nope.

Five years ago, he decided it was time for a change, so he moved his new number one gal - and her 12 year old wenchlet daughter - into his not so humble abode. What about old faithful, his companion of 30 years? Did he plan to throw her out on the street? Perish the thought. A softy at heart, he invited old faithful to stay on as his housekeeper. She was not, as you might expect, a happy camper.

Lesson Learned: (Him) He learned the hard way - a £6million lesson taught in a courtroom - that keeping old faithful around was a mistake. He made an even bigger mistake when he pulled his 'housekeeper' notion out of his ass. If he wanted to make the switch, he could have sent her on her way for a fraction of that pricey court judgement.

(Her) She found out that 'time served' counts for something. Ka-Ching.

PIGish Wisdom: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? You better believe it, Sparky.

Banker Buttholes
Source: PIG News Wire [01/31/14]

Our hero, Steven Cotton, has some of his money squirreled away at a HSBC money emporium in J.O.E. HSBC calls the kind of account Steve uses, an instant access savings account. After his latest trip to hisbank, Steven has a more colorful name for it.

It started, when he decided to withdraw £7,000 to repay a loan from his mum. When he submitted his withdrawal slip, Steven got a nasty shock. HSBC started asking questions, and demanding an explanation from him to justify his need for the money. In his case, they insisted that the person he was paying write them a letter.

If that's not enough to make you go postal, maybe this will. When he asked how much he could withdraw without jumping though hoops, they wouldn't tell him. He had to try several withdrawal slips, each with smaller amount, until the teller accepted it. In his case it was £3,000. I know what you're thinking: go back later that same day for an additional £3,000. They won't let him do it more than once a day.

He's been a customer at HSBC for 28 years, and this is how the treat him? If my bank pulled that shit on me, I'd close my accounts so fast their heads would spin. A letter from the person for whom the money is intended? Fuck no!

If you think he's an isolated case, get over it:

Peter from Wiltshire, who wanted his surname withheld, had a similar experience.

He wanted to take out £10 000 cash from HSBC, some to pay to his sons and some to fund his long-haul travel plans.

Peter phoned up the day before to give HSBC notice and everything seemed to be fine.

The next day he got a call from his local branch asking him to pay his sons via a bank payment and to provide booking receipts for his holidays. Peter did not have any booking receipts to show.

The following day he spoke to HSBC again and this time, having examined his account, it said he could withdraw the £10,000.

Belinda Bell is another customer who was initially denied her cash, in her case to pay her builder. She told Money Box she had to provide the builder's quote. [BBC]

Which part of my money, my decision, butt out, don't the assholes running HSBC understand?

Missing Person of the Week
Source: PIG News Wire [01/18/14]

Like Barry, Argentina's president, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, is an attention junkie. That's why her disappearing act has tongues wagging in Argentina, and elsewhere.

She's known for passionate proclamations on national television and rapid-fire online posts about her work.

But it's been almost a month since her last public appearance and 33 days since her last Twitter post, prompting critics to question who's in charge of the South American country. Close aides to Fernandez have dismissed such concerns, stressing that she's the one making the government calls.

"The President is present every day, working with us," Cabinet Secretary Jorge Capitanich told reporters earlier this month, according to the state-run Telam news agency.

Fernandez went on medical leave in October so doctors could perform emergency surgery to remove a blood clot on the surface of her brain. She officially returned to work in November and appeared at a series of events in December.

But now, with Fernandez largely out of public view once again, speculation has surged about her whereabouts, and her health. [CNN]

The best explanation for her disappearing act is this one:

Others think Fernandez is taking a break to take care of her health and not face a similar fate as her husband, former President Nestor Kirchner, who died in 2010 after suffering a heart attack.

Where is she? When we know, you'll know.

Well DUH
Source: PIG News Wire [01/11/14]

You can't make this stuff up. What stuff? You'll love it.

A woman in J.O.E. tried to sue her former lawyers because - TA DA - they didn't tell her that finalizing her divorce proceedings would end her marriage. How dumb do you have to be?

The curious case - made against two solicitor firms - had already been rejected by the court, but was revealed in the transcript of a later appeal by the claimant against the dismissal of other aspects of her case.

Jane Mulcahy had argued that the lawyers should have made it clear that a divorce would cause her marriage to be terminated - something which she apparently wanted to avoid.

The lawyers failed to regard her Roman Catholic faith and should have recommended judicial separation - a step down from full divorce - as an alternative course of action, she said. [Independent]

The courts rejected her appeal and rightly so.

Girlieman: Curtis Woodman
Antics: Wimp

Curtis Woodman is, by profession, a club boss in J.O.E. He's also, he insists, the victim of a kidnaping. It was such a shattering experience for Curtis, he is shielded by a screen while he testifies at the trial of his kidnapers.

According to Curtis, his 6 abductors drove up in two BMWs, while he was outside his office. They shoved him into a car, then obtained his cooperation at knifepoint. When all was said and done, he'd been robbed of £60 cash and his £4,650 Breitling watch, and assaulted during a two-hour ordeal. He also claims he was forced to transfer £4,800 into a bank account belonging to one of the kidnapers.

Sounds serious, but some of the facts are troubling. For example, three of these terrifying desperados were lapdancers wearing 'miniskirts, shoes with stiletto heels and Daisy Duke shorts. A fourth was their female manager. Also, the yarn he spins sounds suspiciously like the Guy Ritchie gangster film Revolver.

Finally, there the matter of a job they did for Curtis for which they never got paid. That's right it's a labor dispute.

The women had been hired as hostesses for five days during the horse racing festival, and were promised 50 per cent of credit card payments, as well as all cash takings, Bristol Crown Court heard.

The terms of licensing meant that stripping was prohibited on certain nights – but the women still 'insisted on taking their clothes off'.

Mr Woodman claims they had signed contracts agreeing to wear 'bikinis and nipple tassels', but they ignored this, and forfeited their right to the money.

Mr Woodman told the court in the months afterwards he had received calls demanding the money from [their manager] Charlotte Devaney, 34. [Daily Mail]

Miniskirts, stiletto heels, and Daisy Duke shorts? Is that how you dress for a kidnaping? Hiding behind a screen? Why? They already know what he looks like. Curtis, you're a real piece of work. You're also our Girlieman of the Week.

Prius To The Rescue
Source: PIG News Wire [01/11/14]

Prius drivers take a lot of crap, some of which they bring on themselves. Deserved or not, it never stops, because with one notable exception, they don't have a viable topper. Who is the exception? Who indeed.

His name is Bob Osemlak and during a day long power outage in December, the Canadian used his Prius as a generator to power his furnace, lights, refrigerator and boob tube.

Osemlak prepared for the outage by installing an outlet on his furnace. He then ran a cord through the basement to his hybrid electric car.

When the power went out, he conserved his car's battery by rotating between using it for heat and electricity.

"When the furnace comes on, and the house gets up to temperature, I go to the thermostat and shut the furnace off," he said. "Now I can plug something else in: the TV, the fridge or the floor lamp."

He used the car to power his house for nine hours, and the car's battery went down by less than one bar--equivalent to a gallon of gas. [UPI]

Very impressive, Bob.

Hoax Alert
Source: PIG News Wire [01/04/14]

This reeks of whopper, but it's VERY entertaining, so I'll pass it along, as written on a site I'll identify simply as 'JN':

[JN] Walking on water is not easy. Not too many people have the ability

Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation that he was capable of reenacting the very "miracles of jesus" . He decided to make it clear through way of demonstration on Gabon's beach in the capital city of Libreville.

According to an eyewitness, Kabele took his congregation out to the beach. He told them that he would cross the Kombo estuary by foot, which is normally a 20 minute boat ride.

Sadly by the second step into the water Kabele found himself completely submerged. He never returned.

This is not the first incident of this nature in Africa. At Ibadon zoo in south-west Nigeria, a self-proclaimed Prophet claimed to be able to do what the Daniel of the bible did by walking into a den full of lions.

Though he was warned numerous times by zoo keepers, according to NG Newspapers, the Prophet thought of them as nothing more than enemies of progress. The Prophet, with a crowd of people watching, put on a long red robe and proceeded to enter the cage full of lions.

Within seconds of opening the door, the lions ripped the Prophet from flesh to bone. The bible should come with a warning label, "Don't try this at home."

Parting shot: Don't try this at home? That sounds like excellent advice.