Anyone who thinks that hate crime zealots give a damn about the criminal act, should increase the voltage on their shock treatments. The crime in question must take a backseat to three politically correct brain-farts: the immutable characteristics of the victim; the immutable characteristics of the criminal; the thoughts that motivated the criminal act. The act itself is little more than a legal technicality. That's one reason it's not called a 'crime motivated by hate'; it's called a Hate crime. 'Hate Crime' obsesses on the hate, first, last, always.

First Hurdle Rule Of Thumb:
Any non-oppressor victim, automatically, qualifies for the second hurdle.

The first hate crime hurdle evaluates the victim's pedigree. Most hate crime edicts carve out hate crime protection based on a victim's race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, and in certain special cases, religion. Putting it another way, only the properly-hyphenated need apply. Nobody is going to lose sleep if an unhyphenated Oppressor (a heterosexual white male) becomes a crime statistic. Conversely, any time the victim belongs to a 'protected minority', the hate crime zealots come out in force.

Second Hurdle Rule Of Thumb:
If the perp is an Oppressor, he's, automatically, considered a hate criminal. For a non-oppressor perp, the victim must be a non-oppressor and not a member of his own group to qualify for hurdle three.

The second hate crime hurdle evaluates the perpetrator's pedigree. If the perp is white and the victim isn't, a hate crime charge becomes a slam dunk, no matter what the crime specifics entail. If a non-white perp victimizes a non-oppressor - it must involve a victim outside his own group - the crime might rate a cursory review by hate crime zealots.

Third Hurdle Rule Of Thumb:
Hate crime zealots don't give a damn about the crime itself, as long as the criminal committed the crime for the right reason.

The third hurdle is the one that shovels the hate part of this hate crime bovine excrement. Hate crime laws promote the notion that a criminal's thoughts are more important that his actions. Such laws contend that, when a murder, non-negligent manslaughter, rape, aggravated assault, simple assault, intimidation, arson, vandalism or property destruction stems from a bias due to the victim's race, religion, sexual orientation or ethnicity, it is especially heinous. The same crime, if perpetrated for any other reason - or, no reason at all - is, according to this hate crime mindset, less contemptible...more commendable.

A quick look at certain notorious Amerikan crimes brings this hate crime irrationality into sharp focus. James Earl Ray killed Martin Luther King, for racial reasons. Lee Harvey Oswald killed John F. Kennedy for political reasons. I find it impossible to say one murder is worse than the other, simply because of the assassin's motives. Hate crime advocates advance the notion that politically-motivated assassins like Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan and John Wilkes Booth are more honorable, more praiseworthy, and less guilty than a racially-motivated assassin like James Earl Ray. Are the Kennedy brothers and Abraham Lincoln less dead than Martin Luther King? Did their friends and family find solace in the assassin's political motives? What about mass murderer Tim McVeigh? Would his actions be more vile if his motives were racial, rather than political?

Let's make sure I understand hate crime as defined by Ethnocrats and other hate crime zealots. If I burn down my white neighbor's house because his dog used my lawn as a toilet, I'm hate crime cool and, probably, the victim of a bad childhood. Conversely, if I burn down my black neighbor's house because he's black, I'm public enemy number one, and nobody gives a rip about my crappy childhood. Asinine? You bet, but hate crime zealots love this bovine excrement. A person who burns down someone else's property is an arsonist, period; it doesn't matter why the firebug did it. Arson is arson, whether it was motivated by a fondness for flames, where a dog does its 'business', or some form of bigotry.

– T.D. Treat

As a civic-minded, properly-sensitized individual whose avocation involves providing law enforcement officials with a case load, you want to ensure that you're victimizing the right people. No self-respecting desperado, deliberately strays across the line into a hate crime rap. With our help, you can rest easy, secure in the knowledge that you're targeting approved victims for approved reasons (a.k.a. motive).

The easiest way to dodge the hate crime bullet involves picking the right motive. Cutting to the chase: you are free to victimize anyone, as long as your motive passes muster. A useful rule of thumb states that the more irrational the motive, the higher the approval rating. Utterly random victim selection affords you maximum protection from a hate crime rap.

A few examples should illustrate this point.

Approved Motive:
"On the spur of the moment, I decided to shoot (rob, assault) the next person I met."

Hate Motive:
"On the spur of the moment, I decided to shot (rob, assault) the next beaner (homo, spade, chink) I met."

Approved Motive:
"His dog took a dump in my front yard."

Hate Motive:
"That beaner's dog took a dump in my front yard."

Approved Motive:
"Her shoes made a very annoying sound."

Hate Motive:
"That dyke's shoes made a very annoying sound."

Approved Motive:
"He (or she) wore yellow and I'm off yellow, today."

Hate Motive:
"That chink wore yellow and I'm off chinks in yellow today."

Motive resides at the pinnacle of hate crime avoidance, if, and only if, the desperado is properly-hyphenated. Oppressors (unhyphenated white males) are judged, entirely, on the immutable characteristics of their victims.

If your foray into law enforcement case load enhancement is motive-challenged, victim selection becomes vital. Several elements must be considered during victim selection. In order of importance they are: race (ethnicity), sexual orientation, religious affiliation. Taking each item in turn, we offer the following guidelines:

Race/Ethnicity:
The darker the skin, the higher the risk. Unhyphenated whites are fair game.

Sexual Orientation:
GLAAD BAAGs are very high risk. Straights are fair game.

Religious Affiliation:
Mecca Maniacs and Torah True Believers are very high risk. Buddhists and Hindus are only a slight risk. Christians are fair game.

It only sounds complicated. In reality, it's boils down to a few simple rules:

Rule 1: You can't be nailed for a hate crime if you restrict your victim choices to members of your own clan (Your own clan includes race, sexual orientation, and religious affiliation).

Rule 2: You'll never be nailed with a hate crime if you victimize heterosexual, white male Christians. They don't even register on the hate crime victim radar.

Rule 3: Avoid perpetrating your crime in sections of town that are heavily populated by rival clan members.

If you're rock solid on motive, go forth and pursue your career in law enforcement case load enhancement. If you feel a bit 'wobbly' as the Brits would say, take the time to interrogate your intended victim to determine that they don't harbor some undetected hate crime risk factors. It only takes a few moments and saves you from Guest-of -the-State status, on the off chance that you are escape-plan-challenged. Perpetrate in haste, repent at leisure (20 years to life).

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