Don't take my word for it, check your favorite fishwrap for these warning signs:

Does each headline match the body of the news story to which it's attached?

Does the headline match those facts you obtained elsewhere?

Are both sides of each hot-button issue equally represented? The most likely abuses occur when the subject is one of the following: abortion; minimum wage; gun control; affirmative action; so-called 'hate crimes'; global warming; secondhand smoke and its alleged dangers.

Is your hard news - your fishwrap's front section - populated by known, lefty-in-the-extreme sources such as: New York Times; Hell-A Times; Associated Press; Washington Post instead of locally-perpetrated stories?

Do the stories and headlines selected for your fishwrap's front page mirror the editorial positions espoused in the fishwrap's commentary section? My local fishwrap is - editorially - a self-described 'libertarian' newspaper. For example, they were steadfastly against Gulf War II, so I wasn't shocked when all their primary war coverage came from that bastion of alleged objectivity, the New York Times, a fishwrap so over the top anti-war, anti-U.S., anti-Bush that even some notable lefties complained about it.

Is your fishwrap diversity bonkers? Hiring talented scribblers who happen to be ethnic is not what I mean. But, when they hire a properly-hyphenated scribbler whose sole task is writing about their assigned group, that's no shit diversity bonkers. My fishwrap features a beyond-annoying, Amexican wench who is so out there that this no shit Amerikan citizen trekked down to Mexico so she could become an official, Mexican citizen, too. Her writings are a tribute to Colonista angst, so much so that she even advocates forcing all Amerikan's to learn Spanish.

Question: Does your fishwrap get anything right...can be trusted to be objective on any topic? The answer is yes, when it comes to the following fishwrap items:

Yesterday's stock market averages and closing stock values.

Yesterday's weather.

Yesterday's sports results and today's scheduled games.

Today's television listings. (Note: any inaccuracy here isn't spin, it's rampant ineptitude.)

Local meeting announcements: time, place, group's name. Wedding, anniversary, and engagement announcements.

Obituaries.

Want Ads.

Funny pages.

Everything else is suspect. It must be examined critically for overt or stealth spin doctoring. When you read a news item, always keep the warning signs uppermost in your mind. If you have Internet access, compare the news item to other news sources. If the subject is important to you, do your own research. Whatever you do, don't let your local fishwrap spin you. This process is called thinking and it's one of those 'don't read your fishwrap without it' things.

– T.D. Treat