"...Don't Do The Crime
If You Can't Do The Time..."
— Baretta Theme Song

Welcome, loyal inmates to PIG's Penitentiary and Rogues Gallery page. Here, in light of Mel "Make Mine A Double, Jew Bastard" Gibson's arrest, we thought we would spotlight some noted celebrities that found themselves booked, fingerprinted and saying cheese for the Man's camera prior to spending a little time at the 'Ol Graybar. At first, some members of the PIG staff were reluctant to wallow in the muck and mire of celebrity injustice, but, after getting over their notions of piling on they got the big picture. Holding the rich, famous and connected up to public ridicule, is, we all decided, big time PIGish fun.

At best, celebrity injustice boils down to the Orwellian axiom: Some are more equal than others. In a rational world, a justice system adjudicates each case against the same, unwavering standard. That's why Lady Justice wears a blindfold. PIG is more than a tad annoyed that this blindfold "slips" and all too often Lady Justice gets "star struck". Instead of the mandated penalty, the celebrity gets a wrist slap. In the real world, the matter ends there, but here in the PIG Zone, we're willing to boldly go where others fear to tread.

Just for the fun of it, and eager to kick the rich, famous and connected while they're down, PIG decided to run certain high profile "celebrity" cases past the Chief Justice of PIG's Supreme Court of The Buck Stops Here, Sparky, the Honorable Samuel "Off With His Head" Swinestein. At our behest, after a suitable infusion of adult beverage, Judge Swinestein agreed to 'rehear' certain famous cases and pronounce judgement. The cornerstone of PIGish justice is "let the punishment fit the crime".

So listen up, you prima donnas, divas, pretty boy, crack-pipe sucking, booze guzzling, cop slapping, revolving door rehab repeating, spoiled brat, my shit don't stink Hollywood hollow heads. If, when your mug gets splattered across front pages from sea to shining sea, and beyond, broadcast on every boob tube from here to the Ubangi in a negative light, YOU are the one's who put your reputation and career on the line when you did what you did.

And what really chaps our hides is that in most cases, you not only get a slap on the wrist, but your legal run-ins can actually enhance your career marketabilty, unlike the rest of us Joe Six-Packs out here in the real world, who usually get the book thrown at us.