In a world defined in rational terms, P.C. would stand for primordial concept or, much more accurately, postmodern crap-o-la. Unhappily, we live in a world where supernaturalism, true believers and tribalism run rampant, so - in this context - P.C. stands for Politically Correct...or Political Correctness.

Marching under the banner of multiculturalism, P.C. is a uniquely-American obsession. Born out of our insane - one might say nonexistent - immigration policy, a policy that welcomes any and all international riff-raff, pond scum, and sewer sludge to this land of illegal alien friendly free schooling, free medical care and other handouts, P.C. could only happen here. If you don't believe me, ask one of these 21st Century huddled masses. Our reward for this moronic ethnic enrichment is affirmative action, a tidal wave of entitlements, bilingual education, third world thugs turning our cities into a Road Warrior set, and multiculturalism/P.C.

When stripped down to its knickers P.C. (and its big brother multiculturalism...M.C.) is an instinctive reversion - regression is much more accurate - to tribalism, a hold over from those heady days in prehistory when the first mutated ape stood erect. If one tries to be understanding about this regrettable devolution, you get back to our old friend, the American melting pot. It gets very hot here in the melting pot, much too hot, apparently, for some of these 'huddled masses yearning to breath free.'

In theory - and in practice, for most of our history - the melting pot strips off select elements from each new group, blends these into the cultural soup we call American Culture, then throws the scraps away. Well, it did work that way, before multiculturalism sent everyone into a headlong hyphen hunting frenzy. The new groups - and to an alarming extent, some of the not so new ones - not only resist our melting pot, they fear it...even hate it. These groups insist that their beloved ethnic identity be respected. (Obviously, not that beloved since they jumped at the first chance to leave their ethnic homeland to come here.) We're told - quite noisily - that our English speaking, European-based American ways oppress them...distract them from their ethnic/racial tribal roots. I really should stop doing that.

This latest form of tribalism seems to be designed along the same lines as the god squad tribe, with a few highly innovative differences. Instead of God, these M.C. types worship the tribe itself...i.e. their race or ethnicity. White males with European ancestral roots replace the devil (gosh, I hope my horns aren't showing again). P.C., along with whatever tribal-based history/culture they can dream up is sanctified as 'holy' scripture. Their sacred mission is to defeat the oppressors, to force these demons to worship at each tribal shrine...forever! Heaven, in P.C. terms, is oppressing the oppressor. Fascinating concept...I can't wait to get started.

Everywhere you look, new tribes are springing up, new victims are slithering out of the woodwork. New oppressor words are discovered, hourly, and promptly removed from Webster's Dictionary. It's enough to make my head spin, if I wasn't so busy going around oppressing everyone. Lest you get confused over my use of the word 'tribe', I'm not talking about what P.C. folks call 'Native Americans' (In light of the fact that so called Native Americans came here over the land bridge between Siberia and Alaska, shouldn't they call themselves Siberian-Americans?). When I refer to 'tribes', I'm talking about groups of people who band together in one giant brainless lump based on ethnicity/race, and/or geographic origin.

Some of the oppressed have a better case than others - when viewed with a long range historical perspective. (Trust me, they always view oppression with that long range historical magnifying glass). The Siberian-Americans who were virtually exterminated during the colonization of the Americas have a case, as do those who were brought here as slaves. That said, I'd like to remind both groups that it happened a long time ago, so it's time to get on with their lives. Here in Hell-A, a garden spot the Spaniards stole from the Siberian-Americans, the Mexicans love to complain about the way we 'invaded' the Southwest and stole it from them. I'd prefer to think that we've 'recovered' it for the Siberian-Americans for whom we're 'guarding' it. The way things are going, I'm ready to let the Siberian-American's have it back, any day now.

Women - especially non ethnic ones - got tired of being oppressors, so they formed their own, all female tribe, then launched a deplorably successful campaign to erase their most hated oppressor word - 'man' - from the planet. Over night, firemen became fire fighters; chairmen became chair persons, and non hyphenated white males became the bullseye for every Piss-ant tribe with an inferiority complex. Some white males got tired of plucking poison tipped P.C. arrows from their butts and got saved, hyphenated, too. Most of the latter were East/Central European types with ancestors from such fun spots as Serbia, Croatia, the Ukraine, Armenia, and Poland, to name a few. Bold new concept. P.C. hasn't reached most of the Western European countries, except for the Italians who moved here. (They've been oppressed by this 'Mafia' stuff in the books, on TV and in the movies.)

Reduced to basics, P.C. is about words, words that certain tribes don't like. 'Black' and 'Negro' are out, African-American is in, for now. (I have a problem with this 'African-American' thing. If a Caucasian family lived in Africa for, say, 400 years, do they qualify as 'African-Americans'? What about someone from Egypt, or Libya? Are they Arabs, or African-Americans, too?) The lotus clan gets all hot and bothered, not to mention totally pissed if you call them 'Orientals'. I just don't get this one, but they have some sort of asinine story involving the 'o' word (oppression). Since it's a well-documented fact that the lotus clan is cursed with nonlinear minds, I will explicitly state that when I say 'oriental', I mean anything, or anyone from a region East of Arabia, and that's all I mean by it. If some lotus clan mutant reads meanings into such simple words that I didn't intend, it's no shit his/her problem.

The fact that all this P.C. crap is in direct violation of our inherent, Constitutionally-guaranteed rights isn't as important as making everyone bow to their greatly exaggerated, utterly irrational sensitivities. So, here we are stuck in the first decade of the 21st Century watching a bunch of hyphenated tribal morons pissing on the fire under our melting pot. I can't speak for any of you, but this 'oppressor' is no longer amused.

– T.D. Treat