"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer"
– FRANK ZAPPA
 • PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance To The
Way Cool Dudes That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
PIG'S TED NUGENT FOR PRESIDENT GRASSROOTS CAMPAIGN
WHY TED?

Why the hell not?

Ted Nugent is the real deal. Ted is a man who embodies the phrase "what you see is what you get". Ted isn't one of those blow dried, phoney baloney twerps whose views are defined by the prevailing political winds. When Ted opens his mouth, whatever he says is pure, unadulterated Ted. We like Ted because he's the our kind of dude, a man who doesn't really give a flaming damn what you think about him.

Why Ted? Because he's the only dude on the public scene who is real.
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Give The Nuge A Nudge

We’re fed up with politically-correct, focus group tested, spin-doctor programmed, empty political suits who bend with the prevailing political winds. We’re tired of Socialists and Marxists masquerading as staunch defenders of inalienable individual liberty. We’ve had it with candidates whose primary claim to fame is fooling enough of the people enough of the time to register on the national political radar. We’re tired of sound byte, photo-op politics as usual where style reigns supreme and substance is non-existent. We think it’s about damn time that someone painfully, blatantly, unflinchingly real stepped into the political ring.

In our opinion, only one person measures up to our non-negotiable criteria: the Motor City Mad Man, Ted Nugent. With Ted, what you see, is damn sure what you get. With Ted there aren’t any focus groups to fine-tune his "views". Ted knows what he believes and he doesn’t need a spin-doctor, focus group, or political "strategist" to put politically correct words in his mouth.

If that’s not enough to convince you, here are some of Ted’s words of wisdom to seal the deal.

• Yeah, we [Ted’s former band, Damn Yankees] want to go to Saudi Arabia, man, and see if we can't get a four iron and knock people's laundry off the top of their heads. Wear laundry on your head and die is the basic theme of the Damn Yankees.

• Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream.

•To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em.

• Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians - except for the occasional mountain lion steak

• You have to be patient with me - I'm just a guitar player. I didn't go to college. I was too busy learning stuff.

• [If you’re a NO-NAD who think’s Ted’s 'Wang Dang Sweet Poontang' is sexist] fuck you and go to a Garth Brooks show. Kiss my dog's dead, diseased, rotting ass. If you don't have a sense of humor, you're not allowed in Ted's world. I don't objectify women. I'd like to think that I'm optimizing their hardware.

• You probably can't use the term 'toxic cunt' in your magazine, but that's what she is. [Hillary Clinton’s] very existence insults the spirit of individualism in this country. This bitch is nothing but a two-bit whore for Fidel Castro.

• I am Classic Rock Revisited. I revisit it every waking moment of my life because it has the spirit and the attitude and the fire and the middle finger. I am Rosa Parks with a Gibson guitar.

• I don't partake in assembly-line convenience. I don't say that killing things is bad while I hire people to kill things for me.

• The war is coming to the streets of America and if you are not keeping and bearing and practicing with your arms then you will be helpless and you will be the victim of evil.

•There are hundreds of millions of gun owners in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. The only misuse of guns comes in environments where there are drugs, alcohol, bad parents, and undisciplined children. Period.

• Mankind: A quality of life upgrade is available to each and every one of you. It should give you a quality of life upgrade, which means no drugs, no alcohol, no fast food - unless, of course, it's a mallard.

If you’ve got a single functioning synapse and want to put a no bull crap straight-shooter into the Oval Office, there’s only one dude who fits the bill: Ted Nugent. If you want a President who can - and will - teach Jihadikazes the real meaning of terror, there’s only one dude who fits the bill: Ted Nugent. With President Ted, every tyrant on the planet would be crapping in his drawers. With a president like Ted, Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud al-Gilligan, and Kim Jong il would have a damn good reason to be scared spitless that Uncle Sam might stop screwing around and squash them like a bug. Since the rest of the world insists on vilifying Uncle Sam with that "biggest bully on the block" canard, there’s only one viable choice: elect Ted "I’ll come over there and personally kick your ass" Nugent as our president.

Vote early, vote often, vote Ted Nugent for President of the United States of America. Do it now, PIGster Sparky, before the Nanny State nitwits destroy what’s left of this nation conceived in liberty.

Want a leader with cred?
Demand President Ted.

GIVE THE NUGE A NUDGE!


WHAT YOU CAN DO
When you get done laughing and calling us names, you might get around to asking yourself: What do you want from me, this time? For starters, stop calling your devoted PIG purveyors all those colorful names. We so don’t deserve that...(sigh).

A good place to begin your "Give the Nuge a Nudge" activities involves sending a copy of PIG’s news release to your local media outlets. Okay, we admit it, we’re not going to be bummed by getting the Politically Incorrect Gazette some badly needed publicity. BUT, we are deadly serious about this "Give the Nuge A Nudge" campaign. Our reasons are quite clear and laid out elsewhere on this page. But, if you need the Reader’s Digest version here you go: with all these losers, wannabes and lamebrains running for President, PIG decided that it’s time for an honest to god AMERICAN like Ted Nugent to give these blow dried, phony baloney political punks - and punkettes, HILLARY - a long overdue reality check.

Contact the Nuge and ask him to run.

Contact your local boom box host and spread the news.

Write a "Give the Nuge a Nudge" letter to your local fishwrap.

Contact that liberal punk who gets on your last raw nerve and warn him that a REAL MAN might grab that Oval Office Derby brass ring.

E-mail a link to PIG’s "Give The Nuge A Nudge" page to everyone in your address book.

Download PIG's "Give The Nuge A Nudge" banner on PIG's Page One or this page, and put it on your site & link it to this page.

Don’t just sit there like a lump, Sparky. Put down that brewskie, haul your butt out of that chair and start "Giving The Nuge A Nudge".

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ENDORSEMENTS
PIG Gives The Nuge The Nudge

Hillary? Odumbo? Yeah right. Forget it PIG faithful. We at PIG took all of .05 of a nanosecond to flat out, unanimously, hands down agree to nominate The Motor City Madman, Ted "No Shit" Nugent for Prez.

Added bonus. His wife would be the hottest First Lady ever!

Running mate? Don't worry, no Co-Presidents needed, his Gibson guitar and middle finger attitude will suffice. Cabinet appointees? His sky high stacks of amplifiers, so he can simply plug in, turn it up, take his trademark precision aim, and rattle some Capitol Hill windows with some of his unique style of administering his brand of some sorely needed, red-blooded American reality.

Won't stop there either. You'll hear that music that will not only echo the sweet sounds of Liberty from sea to shining sea, across our fruited plains, amber waves of grain and purple mountains of majesty it will also bounce off the walls and rattle your world too.

From Mount Rushmore to Mexifornia, you'll know when the new sheriff in town has arrived. He'll be that America loving dude, proudly waving Old Glory, toting a cool guitar, playing it in tune to the beat of his heart, the one that beats for a deep love of America

We used to routinely produce such rare breeds.

Secret Service staff? Ted? No way. He has his own in the form of rifles, crossbows and hunting knives, four irons, (God knows what else, maybe a bazooka, grenade?) plus his no fear, steel cage, no holds barred, in your face attitude. Don't worry, he can take care of himself, thank you.

Campaign Platform? Wang Dang Sweet Poontang and Cat Scratch Fever in every house across America.

Foreign Policy? An aircraft carrier packed with ready-to-go U.S. Marines and a nuclear sub parked at the curb of every America hating terrorist nation in the world, with the appropriate weapons pointed right square between the eyes of such scum, of course.

Domestic Policy? Get a damn job or get out of Ted's World. And don't even think of dating my daughter while I still have a pulse.

Border Policy? A crossbow or rifle and ammo for every citizen/civilian living in the vicinity. Remember, you can't be a sworn Border Patrol agent to participate. Just aim south. The Nuge gives you extra points if you not only bagged an invader, but maybe an edible critter at the same time.

So if you want to be sold out and down the river by some career politicians that wants to confiscate EVEN MORE of your hard earned dough and individual rights, go ahead, follow the herd.

Don't forget, take a good long swig of that Kool Aid before circling the drain.

If you want someone that doesn't wear skirts and has the mammoth sized cast irons to get crap done, well, Ted's THE MAN you want.

Click the links at the bottom of this page and petition Ted to toss his guitar pick, ammo and badass attitude in the ring.

Sidenote: We all know he's way too smart to stoop so low as to sell himself out, but we can all dream what a great country this would be if he, or dudes like Ted were Chief Executives, right? You can always choose to write him in on election day.

Just remember, when Ted speaks, listen, and listen good and don't forget to tell Ted, The Way Cool Dudes At The Free State of PIG sent you.

Heartily Endorsed By,

P. K. "Porcus Maximus" Crowley
Publisher, The Politically Incorrect Gazette

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

PIG'S OFFICAL PRESS RELEASE
 
P.K. Crowley, Publisher of the "Politically Incorrect Gazette", announced today that his Internet publication is mounting a "Give The Nuge a Nudge" grassroots campaign to persuade rock and roll legend and reality show star, Ted Nugent, to throw his camo cowboy hat into the political ring as a candidate for President of the United States.

Mr. Crowley is quoted as saying, "Ted Nugent is one of the few individuals on the public scene who is utterly and completely REAL. As far as PIG is concerned, Ted’s appeal is quite simple. He refuses to censor himself. He speaks his mind, clearly, unambiguously. Best of all he gives all the "right" people heartburn: tree huggers, gun phobic pinheads, those NO-NAD Harpies who perpetrate obscenities like "Womyn’s Studies", and mainstream political punks who need to grow a pair.

"With all these losers, wannabes and lamebrains running for President, PIG decided that it’s time for an honest to god AMERICAN like Ted Nugent to give these blow dried, phony baloney political punks - and punkettes, HILLARY - a long overdue reality check."

Mr. Crowley explains that PIG views the 2008 Oval Office Derby as wide open. A breakthrough candidate like Ted Nugent with his instant name recognition and legion of fans from sea to shining sea has a real shot at putting a rational adult in the White House. That's why PIG, on behalf of all those diehard Ted Nugent fans, is asking the Nuge to throw his camo cowboy hat into that Oval Office Derby ring.

If you want more information on PIG’s "Give The Nuge a Nudge" campaign, you’ll find all the relevant information at this link: www.pigazette.com/nudgenuge.html

P.K. Crowley can be reached at [email protected]

or

The Nuge himself at his web site www.tednugent.com

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern, this Nudge the Nuge notion reached critical mass after our usual brewskie-fortified brainstorming sessions. When the effects of the adult beverage tapered off, we still liked the idea. As far as we know, Ted has never seriously entertained the idea of running for president. Here at PIG we think that's too damn bad because he's got the right, 100% red, white and blue American stuff. If Nudge the Nuge annoys the hell out of you, don't blame him. Blame us, if you must, but don't hold your breath waiting for us to give a damn.

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© Copyright 1993-2009 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
 
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If you're ever in Tempe, AZ, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
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Tell 'Em PIG Sent You!
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