PIG is happily offering its services to those who haven't quite found themselves. If you are confused, trying to identify yourself, looking for that missing piece to help define your identity, or seeking that perfect label, you've come to the right place. Channeling our legendary sensitivity, PIG is all over this one.
The English language and contemporary vernacular are changing constantly. They're being butchered on a daily basis to appease those of the overly sensitive persuasion. It's intentionally confusing, especially for those who are already on that long journey of self discovery and still don't have a clue. Notoriously sensitive, we thought it was time to give theses seekers a swift kick in the right direction - uh -"assist" them in their quest for an identity that will make them whole.
Are you a seeker? You've blundered into the right place. If you want PIG to "help" you find and define yourselves, follow us as we will be your personal tour guides down a road self-discovery. We don't guarantee that you'll like the "label" you'll find at the end of your quest. That's your problem, not ours. We will, however, do our best to assist you in your search for an answer to this: Who am I?
For any rational adult, the answer is obvious. I am a unique entity whose identity is shaped by MY thoughts, MY words, MY deeds, and MY experiences. Too real for you? No sweat. Now, we'll put this in Jeff Foxworthy terms:
If you take personal credit for your successes...
If you accept the blame for your failures..
If you refuse to hide behind an identity based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, nation of origin or a religious affiliation...
You might be a - gasp - INDIVIDUAL.
Yes, it's as simple as that.
However... If individual accountability, especially that part about 'accept blame for your failures' strikes terror in your heart, get over it, because you're still an INDIVIDUAL.
If you don't like it, tough darts. Okay, I guess that was a tad harsh, so we will keep looking.
Am I going too fast for you, cupcake? Poor baby...I'm thisclose to giving a damn.
Let's continue, shall we?
You might be a rabid Marxist moonbat if...
You think a Convention of the States, as set forth in Article V of our Constitution, is an attempt to overthrow the U.S. government.
You think a Convention of the States is the fast lane to secession.
You blame the Pachyderm Punks in congress, not Barry, for America's sorry condition.
You believe 'gender' is determined by an alleged human's transitory whim.
You're convinced that Barry is our greatest POTUS ever.
Your notion of Objective Reality is forged by the sludge pooped out by Daily KOS, Bernie Sanders, MSNBC, RedShed.gov, Americans Against the Republican Party, or others of that ilk.
You believe ISIS can be defeated by bombing empty buildings.
You're convinced that The Donald is Kim Jong Basementboy with a crappy combover.
Your name is Marcia, Marcia, Marcia or GLO-RIA.
Still with me? Ready or not, we're moving down your road of self-discovery.
You might be a future crime statistic if...
You start 'dating' while still 'happily married'.
You have a second significant other, a girlfriend, while still 'happily married'.
You're still living with your murderously hostile, insane, ex-wife more than a year after she divorced you for being a cheating bastard.
You freeze up at a busy 4-way stop in rush hour.
You ply your armed robbery trade in a heavily armed, gun happy, state like Mexas.
You're dating a married woman whose hubby knows about you and isn't the sharing type.
You put the moves on a fetching store clerk then beat a hasty retreat when her lesbian sweetie shows up.
Your neighbor catches you using your drone to peek in his teenage daughter's bedroom window.
You're a privileged white dude who tells an on campus Black Lives Matter organizer that you prefer to date black chicks because you don't like dealing with dads.
What's that? You're shocked and dismayed by that 'dad' item? Thank you.
You're headed for an especially painful reality check if...
You think there really is a "right" that protects you from being offended.
You expect people outside your comfy campus cocoon to give a crap if they do, or say, something that shocks and/or offends you.
You expect an employer to provide you with a safe space where you can eat pablum and suck on your pacifier.
You think real life gives out participation trophies, never keeps score, and doesn't pick winners and losers.
Still not satisfied? Okay, we'll try another one.
You might be an Elected Tormentor if...
You're notoriously generous, when spending other people's money.
You can exempt yourself from the requirements that you impose on others.
You devise fatally flawed fixes for problems that don't exist, then create new problems by fixing your fix.
You raise your own pay by voting against stopping it.
You call a slight reduction in the proposed spending increase a "Draconian Budget Cut".
You routinely take steps to save people from themselves by making them increasingly dependent on you.
Still not satisfied? We'll keep looking.
You might be a Korrectnik if...
You demoted your parents from "Mom" and "Dad" to "Parent 1" and "Parent 2".
You deploy the almighty hyphen to signify your group identity.
You spout drivel about 'trigger warnings', 'micro aggression', 'white privilege', 'racism', 'sexism', 'homophobia', 'Islamophobia', etc.
You see nothing wrong with promoting greater racial harmony by conducting racially segregated seminars/workshops on the subject.
You worship at the shrine of [racial] diversity by sacrificing one-size fits all qualifications while favoring 'unqualified, but he, she, heshe, or it is the desired race/ethnicity'.
You vilify "we hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights. That among these rights are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness..." as hate speech.
I can tell we're not 'there' yet. Let's try another one.
You might be a Pop Tart if...
Your popularity's decline mirrors the pull of gravity on your no longer perky 'talent'.
Your comeback plans were derailed, when 'Playboy' stopped publishing nude images of women.
Your skimpy costumes and your on stage sexual antics get more coverage than your music.
It's time to yank you back to reality. Our initial question says it all "Who am I?" I already answered it. You are defined by your thoughts, words, deeds and experiences, all of which make you unique. You are an individual, period. You are not defined by your immutable traits because that only tells you: what am I.
How do I answer our question: who am I?
Fair enough. Try this on for size:
My life does not belong to the state. It does not belong to that amorphous collectivist illusion "society". It does not belong some supernatural entity. My life is mine and mine alone, not the state's, society's, or a deity's. I demand no more...I demand no less...than the freedom to take those actions and act upon those thoughts that further the primary purpose of life: life itself. I grant no more...I grant no less...than the same consideration to every other sovereign individual. My life and the essential properties thereof - my intellect, my thoughts, my character, my integrity - are mine an mine alone. Since I am the sole owner of my life, the blame or credit for its conduct is entirely mine, not the state's, society's or a deity's. For good or ill, the buck stops here, Sparky.
As sole owner, stockholder and director of my life, I started my tenure by determining that reality is objective: the universe exists independently and is not a figment of my imagination. Objective reality is not a malleable, undefined, chaos that is subject to the whim and whimsy of a capricious supernatural entity. Objective reality is not determined by the unrequited needs of society. Objective reality is not enslaved, altered or changed by the insatiable demands of the Nanny State. Because objective reality is constrained by certain immutable scientific tenets, each and every object in this objective reality possesses - must possess - certain immutable properties which can be observed, measured and, ultimately, understood. A is A, so get over it, Sparky.
Reason, not revelation, chronic societal need or government decree, is the means by which I comprehend objective reality...the means by which I determine those actions required to sustain, conduct and/or improve my life.. Reason, not commandments from on high is the means by which I conduct my own life. Reason, not plaintive wails for the unearned fruits of my labor and/or intellect determines how I conduct my life. Unless coerced by the Nanny State's monopoly on the use of force, reason, not politically motivated hyperbole, determines how, when and why I conduct my life. Reason - not the Nanny State, society, or some deity - determines how, when and why I expend the fruits of my labors and/or intellect. It's my life, my call, so back the hell off, Sparky.
Whereas reality is objective and reason directs my life - my choices, my thoughts, my actions - the Nanny State, society and supernatural entities must butt the hell out, because I don't need their interference in my life. I will not, voluntarily, be enslaved by the Nanny State, "society" or a deity. I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my labor...I will not, voluntarily, surrender the fruits of my intellect to any individual or entity that hasn't earned them. Conversely, I will not demand, accept, or steal the unearned fruits of another individual's labor and/or intellect. When I require the services, the knowledge, and/or the skills of another sovereign individual, I will negotiate a voluntary, mutually beneficial, bargain to secure their cooperation. I will not exert force, or attempt to coerce a sovereign individual into surrendering his rightful property - real and/or intellectual.
My life and the products thereof are not commodities that must be manipulated, micro-managed, sacrificed to or redistributed by the Nanny State. My life and the products thereof are not public resources that must be plundered to placate any other individual's chronic need. My life is not a toy to be played with, twisted, and/or controlled by some perverse, supernatural entity. I will never, willingly, surrender reason's essential role in directing my own life to the state, society, or a disembodied supernatural entity. My life belongs to me, so if you plan to claim dominion over it, pack a lunch, because you're in for one hell of a fight, Sparky.
I am a sovereign individual.