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Thursday
July 31, 2014

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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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TOP STORY
CULTURE QUEST
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The FSOP takes a properly PIGish look at popular culture.

After giving our table a memorable pounding for several weeks in a row, we decided to lighten things up, this week. Regrettably, the Obamunist Error makes us so pissed, we need a distraction to help us chill out before we snap.

Instead of grabbing Old Betsy and Big Bang for a Progtard hunting expedition, we seek our brain chilling solace in popular culture. There's no way that's going to rile us up.

Our first instinct is to reach for that TV remote, but we're not ready to go there, so we seek our refuge in the compelling fantasy worlds portrayed in comic books. It's a place that's insulated from Korrectness, or is it? What we find is far from encouraging.

* Archie Andrews: Dies taking a bullet for his gay friend.

Back in April, Archie Comics broke the news to the world that they will be killing off their titular character, Archie Andrews, in the final issues of their Life With Archie series, which follows the lives of the Riverdale gang after college.

Archie will stop an assassination attempt on his best friend, Kevin Keller, who is also Archie Comics' first openly gay character. Keller first appeared in the comic in 2010, and is now a married military veteran and a newly elected senator who is pushing for better gun control after his husband was involved in a shooting. Archie will take a bullet for Kevin and ultimately die from the gunshot wound. [E! Online]

Gun control? Gay marriage? I'll pass.

* Thor: Rewriting Norse Mythology, Thor is now a woman.

"The inscription on Thor's hammer reads 'Whosoever holds this hammer, if HE be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.' Well it's time to update that inscription," said Marvel editor Wil Moss in a statement. "The new Thor continues Marvel's proud tradition of strong female characters like Captain Marvel, Storm, Black Widow and more. And this new Thor isn't a temporary female substitute – she's now the one and only Thor, and she is worthy!"

Wait, there's more.

"This is not She-Thor. This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR," said writer Jason Aaron. "This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it's unlike any Thor we've ever seen before." [Fox News]

What's next? Thor gets knocked up? If Thor can be female, doesn't 'fair play' require a Wonder Woman who is, at minimum, a Tranny?

* Spiderman: Got hyphenated and emerged as black & Latino.

Miles Morales is a fictional comic book superhero who appears in books published by Marvel Comics, in particular the monthly series Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man. The character was created by writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Sara Pichelli, with Bendis and Marvel editor-in-chief Axel Alonso drawing inspiration from both U.S. President Barack Obama and American actor Donald Glover.

Miles Morales first appeared in Ultimate Fallout #4 (August 2011), following the death of Peter Parker. A teenager of Black Hispanic descent, Miles is the second Spider-Man in the Ultimate Marvel continuity. Although Morales features in the Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man comic book series, he is not the lead character in the Ultimate Spider-Man animated TV series that debuted in April 2012 on Disney XD. Reaction to the character varied, with some, including Spider-Man's creator, Stan Lee, approving the creation of a positive role model for non-white children, to displeasure at the replacement of Peter Parker, with some decrying it as a publicity stunt motivated by political correctness, a charge Alonso denied. [Wikipedia]

This reeks of Korrectness.

*Spiderman: While researching the foregoing data, I found a YouTube of Spiderman & Superman liplock.

*Green Lantern: He got re-deployed as a GLAAD BAAG.

The original Green Lantern - a DC Comics mainstay for the past 70 years - will be revealed to be a gay man in next week's issue of "Earth 2."

Alan Scott - formerly a married father of two who first appeared in 1940 - tips readers off to his sexuality early on in the comic when he gives his boyfriend a welcome home kiss.

"He's very much the character he was. He's still the pinnacle of bravery and idealism. He's also gay," "Earth 2" writer James Robinson told The Post. [Fox News]

What's the point?

There are ominous rumblings about Captain America, but I've had all I can take in the comic book universe. I need a good laugh, so I tune in to the Tonight Show for some snarky comments on the Obamunist debacle. What a letdown! Jimmy Fallon isn't getting it done, because he's not allowed to go 'there'. Obviously, standup comedy is a risky business, in Korrected America.

I remember Johnny. I also remember Jay whose departure was weird, given his high ratings.

Why did NBC get rid of the funniest man on late night TV? Here's one compelling possibility:

News is leaking out from Hollywood executives in-the-know that the Obama White House had been leaning on, pressuring executives at NBC for the last two years to replace Jay Leno because the comedian was criticizing President Obama every night. Obama didn't like it and considered it a racist attack on him.

Since his inauguration in Jan. 2009 Obama had enjoyed three years of very, very friendly routines from all the late night comics on ABC, CBS, and Leno at NBC - there was no criticism at all.

But after data came to light that $100's of millions had been spent on First Family vacations during a recession, Mrs. Obama's unpopular new laws that changed food in America's schools and other negative news including the disastrous Obamacare rollout & website mess, Jay Leno took his comedy to a different level and his ratings skyrocketed - none of the other comics were so bold.

GOLDEN OLDIES FROM JAY:

"I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS."

On NSA surveillance: "We wanted a president who listens to all Americans - now we have one."

On closing the Guantanamo prison for terrorists: "If he really wants to close it, turn it into a government-funded solar power company. The doors will be shut in a month."

Concerning the Benghazi, Associated Press, and IRS scandals: "Remember in the old days when President Obama's biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden?"

On Obama saying he didn't know about the IRS scandal: "He was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about the IRS."

"It is not looking good for President Obama. Today his teleprompter took the fifth."

"These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. It's gotten so bad that People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American."

Between Obamunists like Fallon and Colbert, late night laughs are few and far between.

So far, my flight from reality has been a monumental waste of time, although it did produce a gem from The Superficial.

* Kanye West: He's finding out, the hard way, that OWNING Kim "Pornstar" Kardashian isn't as much fun as simply hooking up from time to time to bone her.

The Superfical put it this way:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have only been married 46 days and already he hates being in the same room with her. In fact, they've only spent nine days together since their honeymoon where shit immediately began falling apart. Radar reports:

"Kim complained and sulked the entire time they were in Ireland on their honeymoon," an insider revealed. "She didn't like the cooler damp climate, and the lack of high-end designer stores. Kanye tried to arrange tours of local museums, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Only Kim would go to Ireland and be bored, and go to two separate movies in the same day in a foreign country!"

Eventually they bailed on Ireland after Kim talked Kanye into taking her to Joe Francis' mansion in Mexico where she spent their now second honeymoon posing for wet T-shirt pics to sell to very same people who rape her husband, so really it's a miracle these two aren't destined for a lifetime together:

"Kanye was miserable and brooding," the insider claimed. "He isn't really the 'lounge by the pool kind of guy.'"

"Kanye now recognizes that Kim's main interest are shopping and lounging around a pool," the insider said. "It's really concerning to Kanye that Kim doesn't even want to try to experience new things."

While being caught cashing in on another fake marriage should be embarrassing, we're talking about a den of vipers with no souls whose iPhone app is on track to make $200 million. She could be photographed drowning her baby in a tub because she had to spend five minutes with it and still not give a fuck. "Is money still pouring into my bank account? Then we're good here. Now how's my makeup? Stupid thing kept splashing."

I should try and muster some sympathy for Scowler (Kanye), but he had to know that a lifetime pass for unrestricted access to Short and Porny's (Kim's) naughty bits isn't worth the high price. High price: Mama Kardashian and her hellish brood; a fetchingly f**kable dunce like Kim; and the inevitable fleecing when this marriage falls apart...any moment now.

Playing it safe, I seek my solace in the world of sports, where never is heard a Korrectnik word. Well, almost never.

* University of Missouri Defensive End Michael Sam: A few days before the 2014 NFL Draft, he 'came out', telling the whole world 'I'm gay.' My initial reaction was 'so what', and it didn't change after the MSM went GLAAD BAAG bonkers over it. After thinking it over, and looking at some evaluations of Sam's football prowess, I hatched a PIGish theory.

I suspect that Sam was hedging his bets, by coming out. His 'gay' status gave him a weapon - homophobia - to wield against the league if he didn't get drafted. Unwilling to go there, the league worked privately to see that someone drafted him. His ploy worked, because, in the 7th round, the Rams made him the 249th overall pick.

Did he deserve it, or did his 'if you don't draft me it's because I'm gay' ploy work? I'll let you make the call.

* L.A. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling: He's not going to win a Mr. Congeniality prize and that's as it should be, I suspect. Despite that, I think his 'racism' is nothing of the kind. He's a geezer with a young hottie mistress and his real concern is preventing her from embarrassing him, publically, at Clippers games.

Although the latest recording claims that Sterling was jealous, the tapes released last month by TMZ purportedly reveal Sterling being OK with Stiviano sleeping with black men.

Referring to [Magic] Johnson, Sterling purportedly said: "Admire him, bring him here, feed him, f**k him, but don't put (Magic) on an Instagram for the world to have to see so they have to call me. And don't bring him to my games." [CNN]

Nothing to see here, move along.

* Washington Redskins: 'Redskins' and the team logo that goes with it, have the usual suspects setting their hair on fire. This follicle incineration encompasses Elected Tormentors, professional sports prattlers and press card packing Korrectniks [I.E. The Washington Post won't use the term 'Redskins'.] One Nanny State cabal - the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board (TTAB) of the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) - nuked the Skins' federal trademark registration on June 18, 2014.

Support for continued use of the name has come from the team's owners and a majority of fans, which include some Native Americans. They say that the name honors the achievements and virtues of Native Americans, and that it is not intended in a negative manner. Supporters also assert that a majority of Native Americans themselves are not offended, based upon a public opinion poll in 2004 in which 90% of those who identified as American Indians answered that they were "not bothered" by the name "Redskins" being used for the Washington football team. Some, such as team president Bruce Allen, also point to the use of Redskins by three high school teams, two on reservations, that have a majority of Native American students. [Wikipedia]

I'm fed up with the dark underbelly of popular culture, which is really starting to suck. Does that mean my quest is an abject failure? Far from it. I still have several never fail alternatives:

* My iTunes music library, where Twerky (Miley Cyrus) and Jerky (Justin Bieber) need not apply.

* The Velocity Channel, where shows like 'Chasing Classic Cars', 'Overhaulin' and 'Wheeler Dealers' get 'er done for me.

* My Kindle Book Library, where hours of entertainment can be found in a P.D. James or Nero Wolf mystery.

It's time, better late than never, to deploy the 'Mission Accomplished' banner, PIGsters. That sound you just heard is that table in our bunker breathing a sigh of relief.


• PIG's Weekly News Digest
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

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WORD OF THE DAY

APOCALYPSE, n.

The Holy Roller equivalent of a Junkyard Dog Cage Match, it's the final throw down in the history spanning grudge match between the forces of good and the forces of evil.

"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
– Winston Churchill

Does the on-going Kardashian Kurse mean that the apocalypse has move from 'one of these days' to 'any minute now'?

Heroine?

ALBUQUERQUE, July 30 (UPI) --Everyone knows that dealing with cable companies can be frustrating, but it's also important to remember that you might not want to shoot the messenger.

A New Mexico woman is accused of pulling a gun on a Comcast employee after he informed her about some fees that she didn't know about.

A Comcast serviceman allegedly went to Gloria Baca-Lucero's Albuquerque home to complete some work and before getting started, he told her there was a fee.

Baca-Lucero said she thought it would be free, got upset and called customer service. When the fee was confirmed, Baca-Lucero still refused to pay and the worker started putting his tools away.

The suspect then grabbed one of his bags and took it in her house, the Albuquerque Journal reported. When he went to get it back, she pulled out a black handgun and pointed it at his torso.

According to the worker, he called 911 and left because he "didn't want to get shot."

A search of the 48-year-old's home turned up a black Glock and the worker's tool bag.

Baca-Lucero was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

No Tyke Policy

MONTEREY, Calif., July 30 (UPI) --A California restaurant owner doesn't want children in his establishment, so he posted a sign about two years ago informing customers that he won't provide highchairs or booster seats.

Now, Old Fisherman's Grotto in Monterey has three such signs.

In addition to informing patrons about those rules, the signs also reads: "Children crying or making loud noises are a distraction to other diners, and are not allowed in the dining room."

The restaurant also doesn't allow baby strollers.

People who don't like the restaurant's policies are advised to take their business somewhere else.

"If a place has the rules, that's what the rules are, you go in and abide by the rules or you find a place that's more suitable to your dining," Chris Shake told KSBW.

Despite the prohibitive policy, Shake said business is doing just fine.

"Well, let's put it this way -- I haven't had a down year for over 20 years and our business continues to grow," Shake said.

I Love This One

LOS ANGELES, July 30 (UPI) --The staff at ABC 7 in Los Angeles may want to watch some episodes of The Simpsons and familiarize themselves with the prank calls that Bart usually makes to Moe's Tavern.

A man calling himself "Louis Slungpue" and claiming to be a DWP spokesman called up the station and actually got on the air.

After informing reporters that the pronunciation of his name was "slung-poo," the prankster speculated that flushing a cherry bomb down the toilet could have caused the problem.

"We're in the investigation phase. Either a cherry bomb or someone took a really large dump," Slungpue said.

His silly statement was met with, "That is incredible. Are you 100 percent sure about that?"

Someone at the station eventually figured out it was a prank and Slungpue was cut off.

Moron

[Town Hall] Senator Mitch McConnell's Democratic opponent, Alison Lundergan Grimes, has no clue what Israel's Iron Dome is, or what it does to protect their civilians from Hamas rocket attacks. Apparently, she thinks that it prevents Hamas from attacking Israel from underground (via Lexington Herald-Ledger):

As foreign policy inches its way into a debate that has largely focused on the economy, Grimes was asked about congressional efforts to aid Israel's missile defense system, known as the Iron Dome.

"Obviously, Israel is one of our strongest allies in the Middle East, and she has the right to defend herself," Grimes said. "But the loss of life, especially the innocent civilians in Gaza, is a tragedy. The Iron Dome has been a big reason why Israel has been able to withstand the terrorists that have tried to tunnel their way in.

Well, in case you missed it, Ms. Grimes, the Iron Dome is Israel's missile defense system that intercepts incoming rockets, specifically those coming from Hamas.

Grimes said defeating McConnell is her "number one priority."

While vulnerable, McConnell is leading Grimes, but within the margin of error according to a new Bluegrass poll. Nevertheless, he's virtually tied with Grimes concerning likely women voters, with forty-six percent of Kentucky women siding with him, while forty-seven percent are backing Grimes. He's also winning the 18-34 demographic at forty-nine percent to Grimes' forty-four percent.

The News in Zingers
July 29, 2014
By Argus Hamilton

• President Obama stood on the South Lawn to greet the leaders of Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras Friday. They made it over the fence in six seconds. No one wants to say the situation is bad, but all three leaders came dressed up as children and asked for refugee status.

• President Obama told Central American leaders he's considering a plan to grant refugee status to illegal kids from their countries. The leaders thanked him and left. They've been inside the United States for four days and already the INS says they have no way of finding them.

• China warned the U.S. to stay out of the Hong Kong pro-democracy protests that demand direct elections without any controls from Beijing. Relations are tricky between the U.S. and Hong Kong. One is a self-ruling former British colony now owned by China, and so is Hong Kong.

• Vladimir Putin offered to personally mediate the conflict between Israel and Gaza Friday to stop the war. Both parties should beware. Putin may try to introduce PutinCare as part of the peace settlement, and under PutinCare, if he likes your country he gets to keep your country.

• Pravda reminded the world that Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. He persuaded the U.S. and Britain last September not to attack Syria by promising to ship away their chemical weapons. After all, if there's one thing you can trust Putin with, it's poison.

• Canada relief agencies drove truckloads of bottled water into Detroit on Thursday to help Detroit residents whose water got shut off due to non-payment of water bills. It was confusing. The labels on the bottles may read Budweiser, Coors and Miller but Canadians consider it water.

• President Obama's approval rating fell to thirty-nine percent in a Gallup poll Friday. The reasons listed include the IRS scandal, illegal immigration, and foreign policy chaos. In news that Americans are actually following, sources report that Casey Kasem is dead, but improving.

1498 Directionally challenged Italian, Columbus, blunders into island of Trinidad.

1620 Pilgrims pack up their toys and leave England for the New World.

1777 19 yr old Frenchman, Layafette, made Major General in Continental Army.

1912 Uncle Sam goes censorship bonkers, bans movies & photos of prize fights.

1937 Ruskie politburo pulls the trigger on Operative order 00447, executing 193,000 Ruskies; Comrade Barry nods approvingly, starts his own list.

1953 Fetid Nanny State bloating kicks into high gear when Uncle Sam creates a new stinker, the Department of Heath, Educrap and Welfare.

1972 Apollo 15 astronauts take first lunar road trip, a 6 hour ride in electric car. E.T. shakes his head, is heard muttering, "Damn tourists, there goes the neighborhood."

1987 G & R's "Appetite for Destruction", a hard rock classic, released to an eager world.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
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INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
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PIG CALENDAR

July Is
Founding Fathers Month

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They poured the solid foundation for our liberty. Upkeep is our job.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



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Copyright © 1993-2013: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.