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Tuesday
December 23, 2014

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• PIG PLEDGE •
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RIGHT ON
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'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
A PIGISH GIFT LIST
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Porcus and Hambo Put On Their Thinking Caps to Make Sure Santa Gives People What They Have Coming.

Hambo claims he was looking for a some reference material, when a memorable typo sent him down a lightly traveled back alley which opened into a hidden data stash. Yeah, we didn't believe the 'reference material' horse squeeze either, so if you're thinking 'porn site', don't feel like the Lone Ranger.

Based on the material we found in this hidden data stash, the U.S. government, isn't the only place where 'undisclosed' inside sources are telling tales out of school. Apparently, there's a motormouth mole inside the Jolly Old Elf's North Pole operation. We don't know the mole's identity, but we do know, that he, she, heshe or it doesn't miss a thing. For example:

The elves working in the doll assembly division, turned a long forgotten store room into an a pot farm. They store it, until the 'off season' when they transport their legendary Elf Weed via unauthorized 'flights' with Santa's reindeer team.

The identity of the boozer who keeps raiding Santa's brandy stash is as plain as the bright red nose on a certain reindeer's face.

The 'North' pole isn't the only 'pole' Mrs. Claus is, uh, polishing. She's also attending to the prominence belonging to Pablo the pool stud.

Santa is spending a lot of 'quality' time with fetching elf wench named Mimi, who was promoted from the gift wrapping department to Santa's very special helper.

One of the reindeer is seriously considering a sex change, and two others are risking expulsion from the first team under Santa's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy.

In addition to making toys for girls and boys, Santa's helpers are producing high quality Elf Porn for a lucrative Japanese market.

Based on these, and other items deemed too salacious for a 'family friendly' publication, We the PIGs decided that the Jolly Old Elf had too much on his plate at this busy, stressful, time of year.

Santa's distracted state makes him muff some simple gift requests. I.E.:

Here in the PIG Bunker, several members of Team PIG took a long hard look at the pachyderm punks' so-called leadership and immediately fell into a suicidal depression. Alarmed, We the PIGs fired off an emergency gift request to Santa: We've given up on an Elephant Clan leader with balls, emerging from the Elephant Clan herd, so we decided to liven things up with a request for an Elephant Clan leader with sex appeal. We the PIGs were thinking pachyderm wenches like Sarah Palin and Nikki Haley starring in the first pachyderm Bikini Calendar. Santa, twisted wretch that he is, did the math on 'sex appeal' and gave us Chris Christie and Jeb Bush.

Another PIGster won't give up on Xtina. After watching 'Burlesque', for the 10,0000th time, our PIGster slobbered over this otherwise forgettable flick's only redeeming element: a very tasty looking Christina Aguilera. Suitably aroused, uh motivated, our randy PIGster sent Santa another missive which panted: I'd really like to see a lot more of THAT Christina. Our PIGster had a nude spread in 'Playboy's' Christmas issue in mind. Santa didn't interpret the gift request properly, so he took 'a lot more Christina' literally and hit her with an urp-induced weight gain. Thanks for nothing, Santa.

Suitably motivated, We the PIGs decided to lighten Santa's workload, by lending a hand. How? How indeed.

A man who takes his job seriously, Santa would be whipped with guilt if he failed to come up with the perfect gift for some individuals on his gift list. Admittedly, Santa didn't ask for our help, but we know he'll welcome it, the way he 'welcomed' those two cases of beer he stole...liberated from the PIG bunker, last Christmas. He's lucky we aren't the kind of guys who hold a grudge, or we'd be telling the whole world about his North Pole fun and games.

This is the part where you need to pay attention, Santa, so let Mimi put her clothes back on, and get ready to take copious notes, you horny bastard. Given your delicate frame of mind, we'll start with a few easy ones.

CRASH TEST DUMMIES: Drivers who cut right in front of tractor-trailer rigs at Expressway speeds, are living on borrowed time. Why? Because they are dangerously ill-informed, when it comes to certain pertinent laws of physics. Letting them learn the hard way sounds tempting, but a CRASH course in the law of momentum might get other motorists killed.

Before a Kenworth turns them into a hood ornament, we'd leave a mandatory course in remedial physics in their Christmas stocking.

MICHAEL MOORE: Mikey is a lard ass and he knows it. Unfortunately, his solution - paying a fat farm to nag him into shedding a ton or two - never seems to work. He loses a few pounds, then promptly gains it all back, plus a ton or two more.

Using our borrowed Santa powers, we'd have Uncle Sam re-institute the draft just long enough to draft Mikey into the Army. In addition to hounding the lard off him, Uncle Sam would scrape off the scruffy beard numb nuts uses to hide one, or more, of his chins.

BILL COSBY: Based on the accusations coming at him from a constantly increasing number of women, everyone's favorite TV dad likes to bone unconscious women.

We can fix this with a stocking stuffer: a lifetime pass to the Mustang Ranch brothel, where seasoned pros will be delighted to play dead for Doctor H, without the Mickey Finn.

SOBBY: Blubbering John (Boehner) is on the wrong career path. He's a back bencher who blundered into a leadership position for which he is profoundly unqualified. We the PIGs think his relentless sobbing made him an object of pity, sweeping him into his leadership role on a tidal wave of sympathy.

Sobby needs to quit politics and go with his strength - sobbing - as a professional mourner. Your PIGish Santa helpers would do a Picard and make it so.

DIFI: Since this Marxist, Mexifornia, bitch has a soft spot for Jihadikazes, Santa's PIGish helpers, had this one nailed in record time.

We decided DiFi needs to get the big picture on her beloved Jihadikazes, by spending quality time in ISIS controlled Syria. She'll find all the necessary travel paperwork, in her Christmas stocking. I'm sure they'll give her a memorable welcome.

WE THE PEOPLE: Aided, abetted, and egged on by the Obama Regime, Korrectniks lurking in America's Educrap Establishment are systematically stripping away our individuality and assigning school inmates a group identity. The object is clear, divide We The People into warring subgroups, then take out the undesirable groups one at a tine.

Santa's PIGish stand-ins would try rekindle that rugged individualism which is the cornerstone of American liberty. Maybe that will remind us that We The People have the last word. Maybe that will prompt us to take back our government by throwing every Congressional incumbent out of office. Maybe, maybe not...but it's worth a shot.

NUMERICALLY CHALLENGED SHOPPERS: The rules of express checkout line engagement couldn't be clearer: 10 items or less.

If counting to 10 is that hard for these cretins, we have just what they need: a reserved seat in the nearest 1st grade class.

TRANSGENDERS: What the genderally confused need more than anything is a reality check. Male and female aren't arbitrary terms that some lab-coated hooligan pulled out of their ass. Each is gift-wrapped with certain anatomical features - INTERNAL as well as external - many of which can't be changed, based on your latest brainfart. Our gift to you is this inconvenient truth: if you sprout tits, chop off your wang, and change your name to Petunia, you're memorably twisted, but you're still MALE. Ho, ho, ho, Sparky.

AMERICA'S FIGHTING MEN & WOMEN: We the PIGs know what our warriors need, and we hope that, somehow, Santa can deliver it. It, in this case, is a REAL Commander-In-Chief, one who won't put political expediency ahead of giving our warriors what they need to accomplish their mission. Our highly trained warriors know their job and they're highly motivated to get it done. All they need is a Commander-in-Chief who will untie their hands, then get the hell out of the way, while our warriors take care of business.

Legacy gifts

LILO (Lindsay Lohan): LiLo's life is a train wreck that has her hurtling toward an untimely demise. In a rational world, the proper authorities would give her what she deserves: a long stint in a graybar hotel suite. That is well within Santa's power, but it's not a slam dunk. Rumor has it that LiLo has special talent that keeps her out of the slammer: 'they' say she gives a wicked blowjob. That's why certain horndog PIGsters told Santa to aim LiLo at a career in porn, where her special talent will be rewarded.

KIM KARDASHIAN: What do you give an annoying, pain in the ass, bitch whose primary claim to fame is an caboose so big that it has its own Zip Code. The answer is obvious: a hemorrhoid the size of Mt. Everest.

SECOND AMENDMENT HEROES: After all they've done to improve the human gene pool, these no bull crap heros deserve our respect. Santa needs to bring them enough ammo to keep Old Betsy 'fed', for a year.

MEXIFORNIA: We the PIGs want to give this Moonbat infested pestilence a 'Bon Voyage' party. Those festivities happen after we invoke Old St. Nick's magic to physically separates the state from the North American continent and sets the ISLAND of Mexifornia adrift on the vast Pacific Ocean. We don't care where the ocean currents take it, as long as it's out of our misery.

What, if anything do Porcus and Hambo want from the Jolly Old Elf for helping him with his monumental task? I know what Porcus wants and Santa is working on it.

What do I want? Here are some items on Hambo's list:

I want Miley's 15 minutes to end, soon, because pop tart career flameouts are so damn entertaining.

I want to weaponize my Paganmobile with rocket launchers and the big gun from an A-10 Warthog.

I want a handheld cell phone kill switch that will silence any cell blight in my vicinity.

I want some basic honesty from the pachyderm punks. If their only reason for controlling Congress is 'it's our turn to have the big offices', I want to hear them say it, from the getgo.

I want a Presidential scandal after someone releases a sex tape of Barry in a 3-way with Whoopi and Rosie.

Our final gift suggestion is for you, our loyal PIGsters. We asked Santa to see to it that each and every one of you has a very, Merry Christmas and he promised to deliver the best Christmas ever, for you, and you, and even you, PIGster Sparky. Will Santa come through for you? He seemed highly motivated, that way, after we showed him the footage from our security camera which caught a certain Jolly Old Boozer helping himself to our beer, last Christmas.


• PIG's Weekly News Digest
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of the week's events.
Updated Every Monday >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

PIGish fact

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To:
pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
PIGster QRA
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WORD OF THE DAY

DIALOG, n.

A two-way rhetorical street where your lane has been closed off, putting you on the receiving end of a Libertard, Victimist or Holy Roller diatribe.

"Don't be afraid to try and fail. Failure is life's way of saying "not so fast, full of yourself Sparky, you still have a lot to learn".
– Hambo

Why do they call it a racial dialog when the first words whitey hears are "shut up"?

Many a truth listed here

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. ~Desmond Tutu

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~David Letterman

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire. ~Howard Hughes

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~Italian proverb

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. ~Betsy Salkind

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~Jean Kerr

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. ~Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~Jean Rostand

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I was just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~WH Auden

In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. ~Jonathan Katz

If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. ~Johnny Carson

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. ~Arthur C. Clarke

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. ~Steve Martin

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~Jimmy Durante

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~Doug Hamwell

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. ~George Roberts

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. ~Jonathan Winters

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~John Glenn

Gun Fight

Some words of wisdom ... for veteran and new gun owners!

Here is some shooting advice from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate these rules. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it – and learn the rules:

RULES:

A. Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.

B. It's always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

C. Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.

D. Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arm's length.

E. Never say "I've got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.

F. The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes; the response time of a .357 magnum is 1400 feet per second.

G. The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win – a gunfight is a deadly struggle – there is no such thing as a fair fight, so cheat if necessary.

H. Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, 'cause it will be empty.

I. If you're in a gun fight: If you're not shooting, you should be loading. If you're not loading, you should be moving. If you're not moving, you're dead.

J. In a life and death situation, do something – it may be wrong, but do something!

K. If you carry a gun, people may call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?

L. You can say 'stop' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language.

M. Never leave an enemy behind. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill. If you end up in court, yours will be the only testimony.

N. You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.

Obama Switching to Judaism

In an effort to overcome the continuing criticism that he is unsupportive and, in fact, dismissive of Israel, today President Obama announced that he is converting to Judaism in the hope that this will demonstrate his affinity to and empathy with the Israeli people.

Authorities have been unable to handle the millions of applicants who have volunteered to perform the circumcision.

(A really old rusty, dull razor blade should work well, don't you think?)

.

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1776 American author, Thomas Paine writes "These are the times that try men's souls".

1888 Vincent van Gogh makes bold fashion statement, cuts off his left ear.

1947 One week after they build the first practical point-contact transistor, William Shockley, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain demonstrate it for their Bell Labs colleagues.

1948 Former Japanese Prime Minster, Hideki Tojo, takes a nasty fall, when kindly Uncle Sam introduces him to venerable dose of American justice, the necktie party.

1967 American President, Lyndon Baines Johnson, has it all going his way when he pays a visit to Pope Paul VI at the Vatican, until he tries to pick him up by the ears.

1972 Raiders screwed out of victory by Pittsburgh Steelers' "immaculate reception".

1975 After Congress passes Metric Conversion Act, We the People respond with a resounding 'bite me'.

1997 At age 62, Woody Allen adds "dirty old man" to his list of accomplishments when he weds 27 year old Soon-Yi Previn, the adopted daughter of Woody's former squeeze Mia Farrow.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
Read More >>>


Google


PIG CALENDAR

December Is
Racial Justice Month

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Burn down your 'hood; that'll show 'em.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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HONOR 1778
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2013: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.