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Wednesday
October 22, 2014

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
FREE HIM..NOW!

A Forgotten Man
 
The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for a man who is, many believe, a deserter.
 
This same Oval Office Pussy won’t lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only ‘crime’ is making a wrong turn at the U.S.- Mexican border.
 
Call your Elected Tormentor. Demand that Mexico be forced to set this political prisoner free.

RIGHT ON
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Exercise >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
PIG'S ELECTION PRIMER
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A PIGified Survival Guide to this Year's Chad-a-thon.

"We (the People) should treat politicians the same as the old joke about lawyers...hang 90% of them & keep the remaining 10% scared honest." (PIGster Bryan)

We did our best to ignore it, but we failed. Eventually, we decided that it's time to 'man up' and do what we can to mitigate the potential damage, by warning you about the sorry pack of losers seeking one of those 'reserved' slots at the tax-funded trough. During our intensive training exercises, we did our best to anesthetize ourselves for this pitched, election cycle, battle, with a generous adult beverage infusion. All we got was an unforgettable hangover. We're finally ready to man up and face the fact that the mid-term chad-a-thon has reached critical mass.

We know what you're thinking and, as usual, you're wrong. This week's top story isn't another 'me too' ballot guide that you can find in all those mundane publications. This isn't a 'go team go' rant like the ones you'll hear from the News Nitwits cheering on the Demoncrats or the VRWC boom box hosts getting you fired up for the pachyderm punks.

This week's top story is about you, chad wrangling Sparky. Like it or not, you're going to be a party to putting some of these losers, users, abusers and scumbags into positions of political power. Accept the fact that you're going to be complicit in passing those ballot initiatives that are, invariably, riddled with unintended consequences. Like it or not you'll be suckered into plundering your own wallet to pour more money down a Nanny State rathole. We're determined to spare you that pain, with some timely chad-punching tips about making that trip to your designated polling place as painless as possible.

Our primary task, this week, is to bring you up to speed on some essential, election cycle concepts.

Political Candidates in General:

When it comes to the political arena, nice guys finish last and rational adults avoid it like it's tainted with ebola. If you're expecting to find the best and the brightest running for office, get over it. All the people who are worthy of our trust are much too smart, much too busy with their own life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, to wallow in the rancid muck that fills the political arena. You're more likely to find that lying used car dealing scumbag who is trying to matriculate into the big leagues on the ballot than a rational adult.

Admittedly TEA Party candidates - like Senator Ted Cruz - are an exception, when it comes to putting rational adults on the ballot. That's why both political clans feel threatened by them.

Incumbents:

The popular myth is that we need to have an experienced legislature populated by seasoned pros who know how the system works. The theory behind this is that a rookie will spend too much time learning the ropes and too little time resolving all those pressing Nanny State issues. What a load of crap!

Those seasoned pros are the rat bastards who used their knowledge of the system to create this mess in the first place. They're the ones who caused the problems, so they should be the first ones to get pink slipped.

A rookie learning the ropes might not get much done in the problem solving area, but he, she, heshe or it will be much too busy learning how things work to make things worse.

Hambo's Law of Incumbency: When in doubt, vote the bastards out.

Musical Chairs:

This is a very popular game, in states where chad punchers imposed term limits on Elected Tormentors. In theory, this 'stop me before vote for this loser again' notion is a viable response to intrenched incumbents. In practice, it's not a sure fire way to 'get the bums out', because, many of these political parasites simply change slots at the public trough, by running for a different Elected Tormentor job.

When you encounter familiar names running for a new, different, office, just say 'no' to this Elected Tormentor spin on musical chairs.

Moderates:

There's a lot of panty wadding whining about the Elected Tormentors, from sea to shining sea. They're in a snit concerning the fact that America's liberals (progressives) and conservatives are so, irredeemably polarized.

Conventional wisdom, as defined by these shocked and dismayed, panty wadding, worrywarts, dictates that the gaping divide which separates the left and the right can be bridged by 'moderates'. In other words, the world would be a spiffier place, if the left and right would scuttle their convictions. We'd all live happily ever after if they'd settle for that bland, rudderless, essentially meaningless 'it means whatever you want it to mean' crap that occupies the middle.

A moderate is a person who lacks meaningful convictions, a person who, like Rodney King, whines "can't we all just get along". Since the moderate is unburdened by any convictions, he, she, heshe or it is ready willing and eager to go whichever way the wind blows.

Independents:

This group of rational adults is the chad punching gold standard. Independents, who are the reason both political clans are shrinking, are no longer willing to go with the status quo. They're unwilling to follow the Demoncrats over the cliff into Marxism, but that doesn't mean they're putty in pachyderm punk hands.

It takes more than some Elephant Clan hack giving lip service to Ronald Reagan to win over this group. Independents - the driving force behind the TEA Party Movement - weren't born yesterday. Unlike moderates, who go with the prevailing political winds, independents are those intellectually active individuals who approach each election cycle player, or issue, with a compelling, Joe Friday mindset: "Just the facts, political punk Sparky. Just the facts."

Buried in Bullshit:

These elections are, at best, a blatant insult to our intelligence. At worst, American elections are a rigged game, a scam, and We the People the are only ones who aren't supposed to be in on this dirty little secret. What secret? John and Jane Q. Public are the marks in a long-running scam, whose pot of ill-gotten gold is getting their 'approval' for anything the Nanny State wants to do.

Voting - no matter how things turn out - is your way of 'approving' of the results. It's what Ayn Rand calls 'the sanction of the victim'. In too many cases, voting is the same as pinning a 'kick me' sign on our own back.

Unhappily, this barrage of bullshit has a long track record of success. During any election cycle, all it takes to fool 'enough of the people' is using the right buzz words. For Elephant Clan candidates, the preferred buzz words are Senate Takeover, stop Obama, and assorted other Reagan-esque flourishes. Many pachyderm political players put on Reagan's mantle, while painting their Jackass Party opponent as the second coming of Karl Marx. "I suck, but he, she, heshe or it sucks more" is still alive and well, this year.

The only thing that both political clans have in common is a pathological fear of the TEA Party and its candidates.

We are, once again, obligated to report that many people, too damn many people, get hypnotized by the candidates' bullshit. We recognize the fact that politicians cannot change their stripes, much like a rattlesnake can't change their nature or pattern. They do have a lot in common, though. Snakes shed their skin, according to the season. Politicians change their tune according to deep pocket lobbyists and the latest 'this is what will fool them, today' polling.

Ballot Initiatives:

These first gained popularity in Mexifornia after a voter initiative, Prop 13, kicked the state's money-grubbers out of the pockets of certain property owners. Since then, this ballot initiative bypass around a state's Elected Tormentors has been used with mixed results.

The stinkiest fact about the modern ballot initiative is the way they're packaged. The advertising blitz that accompanies each initiative is deliberate deception at its best. In many memorable cases, 'yes' means 'no' and 'no' means 'yes'. Invariably, any ad you hear concerning these stinkers is completely detached from objective reality.

The primary problem with ballot initiatives is that the legalese used to write these bad boys is, invariably, infused with some unintended consequences that usually make the cure worse than the disease.

Unfortunately, even initiatives written clearly present their own pitfalls. The measure that inflicted high speed rail on Mexifornia included several etched in stone conditions written in unambiguous terms. Fast forward a couple years and you find high speed rail perps pretending those conditions don't exist. They've flouted every one of them and they're getting away with it.

Furthermore, and this one really pisses us off, if you tried to read the full text of the ballot initiative, you'd be mired in brain fogging legalese that is so Byzantine it even confuses the law degree packing scumbags who wrote it. That's why, even if one you like passes, it will, invariably, be nuked in court by a black-robed killjoy.

Lockboxes:

When the Nanny State puts a tax raising initiative on the ballot, a veritable bullshit blizzard ensues. One of the biggest steaming loads is the claim that the tax is temporary. You should live so long.

'Temporary' is a whopper, but it runs a distant second to 'lockbox'. After moving you to tears about the dire need for the tax loot - neglecting to tell you that the Nanny State created and/or greatly exacerbated the problem - they try to seal the deal with 'lockbox'. Lockbox is the guarantee that all the money collected via the new tax - or tax increase - will be locked up in a special account which can only be used for the purpose set forth in the ballot measure.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

This year, numerous rational adults are touting this mid-term election cycle as 'the last chance to save America from Obamunism'. Rational adults, whom I respect, insist that it's 'make it or break it' time, when it comes to our inalienable individual liberty. I tend to agree, by and large, but I'm troubled by the choices I'm offered. In my PIGish opinion, there aren't any good options in this election. Does that mean you shouldn't bother voting? Not really.

The fun fact about the ballot is that, the things that hit you where you live are seldom at the top of the ballot. The worst day to day pestilence inflicted by the Nanny State Nitwits is, invariably, local. That's where voting can make a difference in your life. It is, quite frankly, the only part of this election cycle insanity that makes a lick of sense.

On the statewide, and nationwide, level it, boils down to 'bad', 'worse', or 'holy crap'.

If you want to go for the lesser of two evils, so be it.

If you think there's a meaningful difference between a neo-Marxist America and a neo-Socialist America, so be it.

If you think keeping a skunk you know is preferable to learning to tolerate the stench of a new skunk, so be it.

You have, for the moment, the 'privilege' of deciding what kind of 'kick me' sign you want to pin on your own back. It's your call...It's your circle of hell. We do, however, feel compelled to serve up this venerable dose of conventional wisdom: "Be careful what you ask for, because you might get it."

Once you've made that fateful choice, there's only one thing to do. Assume the position, we the sheeple Sparky. What position? You need to drop your drawers, bend over, then get ready to learn what the Tome really means when it warns: it is better to give than to receive. When Neal Boortz says 'elections have consequences', it's his way of saying 'bend over and take it like a man'. It's the predictable result of this chad-a-rific fun.

We the People are assigned the task of hiring our own Elected Tormentors and changing the political landscape via voter initiatives. Since that decision is our call, it means that We the People, need to impose meaningful, liberty-enhancing, criteria. Keep these PIGish suggestions uppermost in your mind, when you make that fateful decision.

It's your liberty at stake, Sparky. If you don't defend it, who will?


• PIG's Weekly News Digest
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of the week's events.
Updated Every Monday >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Hambo Fav

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To:
pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
PIGster QRA
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WORD OF THE DAY

FICTORY, n.

A new literary genre made popular by Dan Brown, it's fiction that's layered with enough pseudo-history to snooker unwary readers.

"Republicans want to keep all interracial marrying for themselves!"
-Wendy Davis

"So with the Wendy Davis campaign, Democrats donated millions to entertain Republicans."
– Frank J.

A school district in Washington state is phasing out swings on the playground, saying they cause more injuries than any other play equipment. Good plan. Say… why not get the injury rate to zero and just ban kids?

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony, They had simultaneous Headaches.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches - and they only average 5 illegitimate children.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Something For PIGster J
(He knows why.)

RECALL NOTICE:

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been identified as "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect. The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (BEST Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!

–GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!

 

1836 After Sam Houston is inaugurated at the first elected President of the Republic of Texas, Hambo cries "foul", examines ballots for dimpled chads.

1844 All dressed up and no place to go. Seventh Adventists are prepared for the glorious return of the Cross Dude, but he's a no show. Somebody forgot to carry the 1.

1928 President Hoover talks about America's "rugged individualism".

1943 Ageless French beauty, Catherine "Hubba Hubba" Deneuve born in Paris, goes on the demonstrate that classic beauty improves with age.

1945 Mountainous hard rocker Leslie "Mississippi Queen" West born.

1962 JFK thrills Cubans and Ruskies by imposing naval blockade on Cuba.

1964 EMI rejects rockers, "High Numbers", but the group has the last laugh when they change their name to "The Who". D'oh!

1965: K-Cro, aka 'Baby K', esteemed brother of PIG's publisher born. Spends entire life 'correcting' his older sibling. Happy birthday, dear brother.

1969 Paul McCartney denies rumors that he's dead. Jagger wants 2nd opinion.

1984 Stellar era closes when NFL great Ken Stabler ends his career.

1994 158 years after his inauguration as President of Republic of Texas, Sam Houston is honored again when a statue of him is unveiled in the Lone Star State.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
Read More >>>


Google


PIG CALENDAR

October Is
Howl at the Moon Month

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Someone has to warn rational adults that Moonbats are in charge.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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CONSERVATIVE REVIEW
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2013: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.