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Thursday
July 30, 2015

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
>> Caliphate This >>
GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
ART TIME!
EnjoyThe Art Of Danish Artist, Cirkeline Nilsson.
>> Cirkline >>
DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Right On >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY
WHAT A PAIR!
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PIGish Pairings That Should Amaze and Amuse You.
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Pairings? Have we lost our minds, and/or our calendar? Do we really think it's Valentine's Day in July? Pairings? Yup. Lost our minds? Nope. Lost our calendar? Nope. Valentine's Day in July? Nope. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. There's a perfectly reasonable, uh, there's a reasonable explanation. Okay, okay! It may no be perfectly reasonable or even plain vanilla reasonable, but there is an explanation.

Like many Top Stories, this one reached critical mass, while Porcus and I were yammering on the phone. It began, when I heard myself say how tired I am of having Miley Cyrus twitching her anemic stuff at us. I'm tired of seeing the twerking twat prancing around in her skivvies. That's when it hit me: we needed to pair her off with someone who would throw a burka on the annoying Pop Tart. That led to a 'people who belong together' brain-storming session.

Unlike our Valentines Day love match extravaganza, these matches aren't always 'romantic'. In many cases, the two bull's-eyes are linked up, because, in our minds, they belong together. In other words, thinking of one, invariably evokes the other. It's like peanut butter & jelly. They pairing is just 'right', in a generic, non-romantic, way.

Since the merely mortal don't necessarily see things our way, we decided to make some pairings and share them with you. You'll be shocked when I confess that some, uh, many, okay I admit it, most of our matches are generously infused with Snarky snippets. I wonder how THAT happened?

I wanted to lighten things up, this week, so the spontaneous combustion this one set off in us came at the perfect time. As always, the usual rules of engagement apply.

1) All pairings are final, but feel free to send us alternatives.

2) Your hypersensitivity is not our responsibility or our concern.

3) We warned you, from our inception, that we don't promise to bull's-eye all your sacred cows, but sooner or later we'll hit one of them. If today's your lucky day, color us thrilled, or something.

4) There is no hidden meaning to the order in which our pairings occur. If you detect one, you're delusional and badly in need of professional help.

Here, warts and all, are the good, the bad, and the ugly of PIGish pairings.

Mike Farrell & Old Sparky: Mike Farrell is a thespian [MASH] who continues to make a hair incinerating spectacle of himself as an anti-death penalty 'activist'. Like too many activists, Mike yammers out of his ass, because it 'feels' like the right thing to do. We think Mike needs to get much closer to his subject. It's time for someone to strap this fool into Old Sparky for a no bull crap hair incinerating spectacle.

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West: Short 'n Porny is known for, among other things, having a colossal ass. It's ironic that she's married to dude, Kanye, who is known for, among other things, being a colossal ass. We can't improve on a match as colossal as that.

Tom Cruise & a Crash Test Dummy: Both are known for being rather 'wooden' when performing on camera. Both insist on doing their own 'stunts'. Furthermore, both have the mental capacity of rhubarb. If that's not enough for you, there's this: a crash test dummy won't mind spending quality time in 'the closet.'

Hillary Clinton & Slim Whitman: When Shrillary gets wound up, her voice will make putting a gun to your head 'an idea whose time has come'. You'll have the same response, when you listen to Slim Whitman singing Indian Love Call. We know Slim died a few years ago, but that's okay, because when Shrillary gets snockered, she looks like death warmed over.

Caitlyn [a lopped and titty topped Bruce Jenner] & Chas [a boned and titty cropped Chastity Bono]: If we need to explain this one to you, you need to up the voltage on your shock treatments.

Ray Rice & Any Female MMA Fighter: She'll make him think twice when he thinks he's He-Man and tries to treat her as a rag doll or punching bag. That match will make HIM her personal punching bag.

Whoopi Goldberg & Medusa: In Greek mythology Medusa was a monster, a Gorgon, generally described as having the face of a hideous human female with living venomous snakes in place of hair. Gazing directly into her eyes would turn onlookers to stone. That sounds familiar.

Whoopi Goldberg: Has the face of a hideous human female? Check. Living venomous snakes in place of hair? We're thisclose. Gazing directly into her eyes turn onlookers to stone? Looking at her does 'freeze' people making the viewer wish they were made of stone.

We made this match to see which one turns the other to stone first, although that may be considered incestuous when someone hooks up with their twin sister.

Homer Simpson & Chris "The Tingler" Matthews: Since both are notoriously fond of adult beverage, this one works like gang-busters. We think their ideal male bonding outing is a night at Mo's Tavern where they can drink themselves under the table on a nightly basis.

Bill Cosby & Jessica Rabbit AND The Eveready Bunny: Bunnies are a lot like Bill Cosby, in one important regard, since they can never get enough. When done with Jessica, Bill still has the Eveready Bunny who will keep going and going and going until even Bill says 'that's enough'. [Lorena Bobbett was a finalist on this one.]

Michelle Obama & Bigfoot: Poor Bigfoot, he suffers from jungle fever. That's cruelty to animals and the PETA punks may have something to say about that. [In addition to the obvious risks, a tryst with Bigfoot brings another risk. If you don't give the hairy beast a close inspection, you might accidentally hook up with Sasquatch Kardashian.]

Miley "The Wrecking Ball" Cyrus & Iran's Ayatollah Khamenei: Why? Because we're 'up to here', when it comes to watching this scrawny pop tart twitching her anemic stuff at us. Given that, we're more than ready for this match, since the Imam's first move will involve stuffing the twerker into a burka. In return, the old fart gets an undernourished wench whose jailbait-ish bod will appeal to the pedophile in him. I'd like to think that daily doses of some 'young stuff' would make him lighten up, but I'm not that far gone, yet.

Messiah Barry & E.T.: Despite the fact that Barry acts like he's from a different planet, his antics aren't the immediate cause for this pairing. I admit that this one is simply some wishful thinking on my part. Cutting to the chase, I want this fool gone-o-la, as in no longer reporting for work. Offing him won't work, because it would make him a martyr, and that's unacceptable.

On the other hand, an alien abduction - E.T. beams him aboard his ship - gets it done nicely. Barry would be whisked away into interstellar space on a one way trip to E.T.'s home planet where Barry is put on display as a prime example of human stupidity. Ideally, someone would be playing "They're coming to take me away, ha ha..", during Barry's abduction A pipe dream? Hell yes, but what's wrong with that?

Harry Reid & Room Temp Chicago Voter: Harry looks like death warmed over, anyway, so a room temperature Chicago voter is a perfect match. In fact, given Harry's sorry condition, most room temperature voters are in better shape.

Lance Armstrong & Mr. Peanut: Whenever Lance needs a new nut, Mr. Peanut can serve him up, and spank him with his cane for cheating. [Peter Paul Mounds and Almond Joy ran a close second on this, because like many of us, Lance would probably admit "sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't."]

Michael Moore & Mama June: Why? Because I can easily imagine the look of horror on their faces when they crawl out of bed each morning then see each other, naked.

Justin Bieber & Skank Hilton: Justin is a relentlessly obnoxious little bastard who richly deserves a double dose of whatever kind of crotch rotting nastiness that's lurking inside Paris Hilton's diseased nads.

Al Jolson & Rachel Dolezal: This one is a slam dunk. Why? They're both famous for 'performing' their act in black face. Oh, Mammie.

Tom Brady & Pam Anderson: With Tom facing a 4-game suspension for participating in the deflated football fiasco, he'll need to find some distraction to take his mind off it. His supermodel wife, Gisele, is very comforting, no doubt, but she lacks the essential qualification: Pam's football size funbags. When Tom misses the feel of those partially deflated footballs, he can wrap his hand(s) around one - or both of Pam's soft, pliable, football-size cans.

Hank Johnson & Guam: Hank's claim to fame is this: "My fear is that the whole island [Guam] will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize," Johnson said.

I think we should put this fool on Guam then feed him alarming, to him, population statistics and watch him lose his mind.

Any Border Jumping Scumbag & A Rand McNally Mapmaker: Chico, Lupe, and Juan won't be living in the shadows for very long, after meeting our mapmaker. He's ideally equipped to get them back where they belong, by the shortest, fastest, possible route.

Code Pink & ISIS: Code Pink peaceniks [individually and collectively] are out of their peace puke minds and need to have their heads examined. Thanks to ISIS' legendary removal service, that's deceptively simple. Better still, peace puke doesn't need be there during the head exam.

As usual, I've only scratched the surface on this one. I also have lots of unfinished business, because some names are hard to pair off. Here are a couple of those.

John Boehner: Blubbering John (aka Sobby) always seems to be crying. I don't pretend to know the nature of his problem, but I can tell you one thing. When I look at all the damage done on his watch, it's enough to make ME cry.

Al Sharpton: He's scum, and that's a fact. BUT, when it comes to a pairing, I draw a blank.

Given our oft proclaimed affinity for objective reality, why did We the PIGS travel so far down this 'if only' road that's paved with wishful thinking? Why indeed. We indulged our 'if only' notions because we enjoy it. If we did it justice, you enjoyed it too. If that's the case, I'm ready to unleash our 'Mission Accomplished' banner

Regrettably, We the PIGs don't control these things. That's a shame, in my opinion. If we wielded such power, the world might not be a better place, but it would be a lot more interesting not to mention way more fun. For now we're left with our wishful thinking. I hope it amused you, PIGster Sparky, because we enjoyed the hell out of perpetrating it.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program: 'Liar Liar Pants on Fire' an unauthorized biography of Barack Obama.

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• PIG's Revamped News Page
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of events.
Updated Any Time The News Is PIGish >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

Insanity?

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: pig@pigazette.com

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Image Source
Prime
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WORD OF THE DAY

JELLYFISH, n.

A spineless creature, it is the gold standard of rigidity, when compared to what the pachyderm punks foist off as leadership in Congress.

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
– Teddy Roosevelt

Q: Is there any meaningful difference between Rachel Dolezal's use of blackface to further her career and Al Jolson's?

UNH Word Games

[ABC affliate] CONCORD, N.H. —The president of the University of New Hampshire said Wednesday he is troubled and offended by many parts of a "bias-free language guide" posted on the school's website, particularly a suggestion that using the word "American" is problematic because it fails to recognize South America.

The guide, developed by students and staff in 2013, attracted little attention until this week, when it was featured the conservative news site Campus Reform. Asked about it on Wednesday, university President Mark Huddleston said the guide is not campus policy.

"While individuals on our campus have every right to express themselves, I want to make it absolutely clear that the views expressed in this guide are NOT the policy of the University of New Hampshire. I am troubled by many things in the language guide, especially the suggestion that the use of the term 'American' is misplaced or offensive," he said. "The only UNH policy on speech is that it is free and unfettered on our campuses. It is ironic that what was probably a well-meaning effort to be 'sensitive' proves offensive to many people, myself included."

The guide appears as a resource on a UNH website detailing the university's efforts to create an inclusive, diverse and equitable community. It says is meant to serve as a "starting point" to encourage critical thinking about terms commonly used in conversation and writing.

One section warns against the terms "older people, elders, seniors, senior citizens." It suggests "people of advanced age" as preferable, though it notes that some have "reclaimed" the term "old people." Other preferred terms include "person of material wealth" instead of rich, "person who lacks advantages that others have" instead of poor and "people of size" to replace the word overweight.

In another suggestion unlikely to gain traction in New England, the guide suggests "y'all" as a better option than "guys" when referring to a group of people.

State Sen. Jeb Bradley, a Republican from Wolfeboro, said he was outraged by the guide and would remember it when lawmakers next consider how much money to provide to the university.

"Implying the word 'American' is not appropriate to use on campus is un-American to say the least," he said. "Will UNH next propose to change our Live Free or Die motto to Live Free but Upset No-One?"

A university spokeswoman said Huddleston was not aware of the guide until this week. It was created by a "small group of community members," though a report submitted by the President's Commission on the Status of People with Disabilities last year describes it as a "4-commission effort." The college also has a commission on women, people of color and gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues. The leaders of the four groups did not immediately respond to requests for comment Wednesday.

Spokeswoman Erika Mantz said it's not clear to whom the commissions are supposed to report. Those reporting lines are under review, she said.

Ladies Adult Learning Center

Men Teaching Classes for Women at
The Adult Learning Center
Registration must be completed
By November 29, 2015
Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class sizes will be limited to 8 participants maximum.

Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat; Step by step, with slide presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs. beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2: Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?: Round table discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping? – Group Debate; Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase – Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5: Curling Irons – Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? – Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program – Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7: Can a Bath or Shower Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum; Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8: Health Watch – They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9: I Was Wrong and He Was Right! – Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10: How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11: Learning to Live – How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 12: How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

From Guys in the Witness Protection Program

World's Largest Woodpecker?

Flag Day

See this flag? It may come down in South Carolina, Ebay, Amazon and other limp wristed websites, but not here. It’s staying. Anyone want to lower it from the pages of The Free State Of PIG, good luck trying.

PIGish Business.

Headline: Nobody in Pine Lake, GA knows if Forrest Rd is racist or not but they want one 'R' removed anyways

Hambo: They overshot 'silly' and crash landed in asinine.

1619 1st elective governing body in a Brit colony, Virginia's House of Burgesses formed.

1715 After the Spanish gold and silver fleet vanishes off St. Lucie, Flori-DUH, San Fran Nan Pelosi launches an accusatory tirade against Dick Cheney and Halliburton.

1916 The first World War makes landfall in America when German saboteurs blow up a Garden State munitions plant located on Black Tom Island (NJ).

1928 George Eastman revolutionizes photography by showing the 1st color motion pictures.

1935 Penguin makes reading much more convenient with the first paperback book.

1975 Houdini rolls over in his grave when Jimmy Hoffa does a real vanishing act.

1996 Era comes to an end when Tommy Lasorda retires as Dodgers manager.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
Read More >>>


Google


PIG CALENDAR

July Is Zippo Month
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Grab Your Lighter, Light A Fuse And Watch In Amazement As You Toss Your Incorrect Arsenal That Goes BOOM At The Punks And Pimps Of P.C. Run In Fear At Your Version Of Reality
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BEAT THE BITCH •

Her Highness has officially declared her plans to run for Presidency. If your as giddy as we are, tune into our attempts to pull her panstuits all the way down to the ground.
VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
>>> Read More >>>

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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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TEXAS FRED
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NATIONAL REVIEW
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FARK
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HOPE 'N' CHANGE CARTOONS
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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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STRANGE POLITICS
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HONOR 1778
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SAY NO TO P.C.B.S
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MISS RED MUSES
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2015 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2015: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.