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LIBERAL LIP-FLAP Which Loudmouth Lefty Would You Like To Grant Permanent, Irrevocable Residence on the International Space Station? • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Michael Moore* Al Gore Obama Zombies Barney Frank  • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •   *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food & Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore Counts As Two Votes. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • AND THE WINNER IS...

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SOMETHING'S ROTTEN
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Exploring A Patently-PIGish Solution To The Putrid Pestilence That’s Stinking Up D.C.
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Something’s rotten inside the D.C. Beltway.

We tried to ignore the stench, but the noxious fumes continue to assault our senses. Over the past few years, We the People made half-hearted efforts to track down the source and eliminate it, without success.

We tried a couple air fresheners, with mixed results. During Bubba’s term, the ‘Contract With America’ air freshener, seemed to be working, but, too soon, the aroma of the ‘cure’ for the Capitol Hill crud was indistinguishable from the putrid, business as usual stink.

In 2001, we tried a new air freshener named ‘Compassionate Conservatism’. It, too, seemed to work, at first, but we found out, to our horror, that it was little more than the same foul, business as usual, statist stinker. It was the same old Nanny State bloating crap, in a deceptive, new package.

In 2008, on the verge of asphyxiation, America’s chad punchers were so desperate for relief that they bought a steaming load of Hopey McChange bull crap. It didn’t take long for bitter reality to set in, when the ‘new’ cure for what ails America dropped its deceptive packaging to reveal that venerable pestilence, Marxism. I won’t put words in your mouth, but I’m starting to miss that old, statist stench. As bad as the old stench was, it seems like a rose garden, when compared to the stink of putrifying Marxism.

Normally, when an edifice reaches this sorry state, we cut the crap and call in the fumigators. That might work, if we could send the aging hippies, Eggheads, Ethnocrats, fossils, faith healers, and public trough swilling fatcats packing first. Let’s be real, even fumigation won’t work, until we clear out the Nanny State turds who are emitting this foul, statist, stench.

It’s time to clean out Uncle Sam’s house. It’s time to put business as usual out of our misery. It’s time to pink slip the hippies, Eggheads, Ethnocrats, fossils, faith healers, and public trough swilling fatcats. It’s time to try something different, to restore Uncle Sam to his former, ‘lean, mean, inalienable individual liberty defending, machine’ glory.

The problem is obvious, but we need to give some properly-PIGish thought to the cure. As usual, the nature of the cure depends, in large part, upon whom you ask.

Anarchist Solution
The anarchist America you’d get depends on how much cultural/political chaos you can handle. In its purist form, you end up with the dog-eat-dog, last man standing, thrill ride depicted in the ‘Road Warrior’ movies. If you need a peek at this level of anarchy, you can find it across our southern border, in Mexico, where murderous, heavily armed, drug gangs are dismantling what passes for government.

If full tilt anarchy isn’t your style, you might prefer a milder form, like Ron Paul’s isolationist America. In this form, Uncle Sam is a 98 pound weakling, who avoids international conflict in all its diverse forms. Approaching, as a limit, the quasi chaos that prevailed under the Articles of Confederation, a Paulized America would embody the mantra: "if we don’t bother them, then they won’t bother us". America, Americans, would be at the mercy of the biggest, meanest, bully on the block.

Colonista Solution
If you visit certain regions of this land conceived in liberty, you’ll see one form, or another, of Colonista America in action. In Dearbornistan (Michigan), and Sudanikazeville (Minnesota), you will find yourself in a third world, Islamikaze, nation. In Colonistaville (Southern Mexifornia), and other Sombrero Stomper enclaves, you’ll find yourself in Mexico.

If the Colonista Solution is allowed to play itself out, this land conceived in liberty would devolve into a Balkanized collection of third world enclaves. I won’t put words in your mouth, but this is NOT my idea of a good time.

Greeniac Solution
The greeniac America you’d get depends on how deep a shade of ‘green’ you prefer. If you go full tilt green to the max, a handful of hardy survivors would wander the untamed American wilderness eating nuts, berries and crab grass.

If you aim for a paler shade of green, an ‘Amishized’ America would turn back the clock to the 18th and/or 19th century. In this greeniac realm, problems like our dependence on foreign oil, nuclear waste, and the looming Internet address ‘crisis’ would disappear. On the other hand, our ability to defend ourselves from our high tech venerating enemies would disappear, too.

Right this minute, you can see a Rabid Moonbat version of greeniac America in action. Worshiping at the altar of Global Warming, Mexifornia is hell bent to turn back the clock to that golden greeniac age before capitalism - and the technology it created - ‘despoiled’ the planet, by increasing the length, and quality, of each individual’s life.

We’ve tried these, and numerous other ‘solutions’ - the Holy Roller Solution comes to mind - on a small scale, and all of them suck. It’s time for someone to - here comes that overworked phrase - ‘think outside the box’. When it comes to THAT, the Free State of PIG is up to the challenge.

One of our PIG players who shall remain nameless - PORCUS - came up with an idea that’s worth considering. Its strengths are compelling, since it promotes the proper respect for America from friends, and foes, alike. Better still, the prime movers are one of the last enclaves of full tilt capitalism in America. Who are these prime movers? You’re going to be thrilled.

Porcus’ Godfather Solution
That’s right, PIGsters, PIG’s esteemed publisher thinks we need to pink slip the Marxist Messiah and install a Godfather in the Oval Office, instead. Bold new concept. Have we lost our minds, completely? Perhaps, but that’s one of the reasons you keep coming back for more of our PIGish wisdom.

I think it might be a refreshing change, if we had a group of self-admitted, unashamed, crooks demanding their piece of our action. Unlike the Nanny State looters, a Godfather-In-Chief would know that it’s a mistake to kill the golden goose. Instead, our Godfather-In-Chief would help himself to his cut, while leaving enough for his ‘donor’ to realize a tidy profit for his, her, hisher, or its labors.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who would demand, at minimum, respect for himself, his position, his nation, and his people.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who praised his organization, his people, and his nation.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, and his parasite horde, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who respected, rewarded, a strong work ethic. Unlike THE ONE, a Godfather-In-Chief would not reward slackers who are looking for a free ride.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who would mete out harsh punishment on any rival gang - Mexican drug gangs, Jihadikazes - who tried to intrude on the Godfather-In-Chief’s turf.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who demanded that recipients of his largesse REPAY him/us, with interest.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who could get inside the head of petty tyrants - a thug by any other name - like Hugo Skipper Chavez, Mahmoud al-Gilligan, Osama, Kim Jong-il, and Vladimir Putin. A Godfather-In-Chief wouldn’t hesitate when it came to ‘enlightening’ these, and other, legends in their own minds. They’d think twice, before they got snarky with America’s Godfather-In-Chief.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, and his regime, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief whose Secretary of State, Tony The Enforcer, gave our friends and enemies abroad, their reality checks, in clear, unambiguous terms, instead of the requisite diplomatic discourse.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who didn’t go looking for a fight, but, when given no other choice, he ordered his minions to resolve the matter, by any means necessary.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who had paid his dues, by working his way up through the ranks.

I think it might be a refreshing change from THE ONE, if we had a Godfather-In-Chief who would respect, and reward, the brave warriors who put their lives on the line in defense of his organization, his people, and his nation.

Admittedly, there would be a downside to a Godfather-In-Chief, especially in the area of ‘conflict resolution’. On the other hand, nobody would give a Godfather-In-Chief any crap, because there would be hell to pay.

Is a Godfather-In-Chief a viable solution to what is threatening this nation conceived in liberty? I doubt it, but, at this point, I’m willing to seriously consider it. I’ve had all the Hopey McChange Marxism I can stand.

Is a Godfather-In-Chief the best We the People can do? The best We the People can do? I wouldn’t go that far. On the other hand, for all its faults, a Mafia-run USA would a significant improvement over THE ONE, and his horde of aging hippies, Eggheads, Ethnocrats, fossils, faith healers, and public trough swilling fatcats.

I’m fed up with the status quo. I’m fed up with elections where I’m forced to choose between Marxism and Socialism. I’m fed up with elections that boil down to naming your own poison, by selecting the lesser of two evils. I’m fed up with all the election cycle bullshit. Am I fed up enough to hand America to the Mafia on a silver platter? If my only other choice is the on-going stampede into unrelenting Marxist tyranny, the answer is HELL YES.

You’ll need to excuse me now, PIGsters. I need to search cyberspace for some black, pinstripe, wallpaper for the Oval Office..

PIGish Business
It’s Awards Day and two of the three awards pages have been posted, on schedule.

Girlieman of the Week - Updated and uploaded.

Steaming Load of the Week - Updated and uploaded.

Golden Oinks - I wasn’t satisfied with my initial selections, so I decided to delay this until early Friday afternoon, to give me time to find some better source material.

PIGish Humor
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend ... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started.

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's near perfect." And then the fight started.
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MEDIA: CELEBRITY MARKETING

• Recent Notable Deaths
To most we say farewell. To others, we say good riddance!
• The United States...As We Knew It
• George Steinbrenner, Baseball Magnate
• Robert "KKK" Byrd, total Waste Of Time
• Manute Bol, NBA Star
• Jimmy Dean, Singer, Sausage Slinger
• John Wooden, An American Classic
• Dennis Hopper, Actor, Hellraiser
• Gary Coleman, Actor

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LOCK AND LOAD
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WOODPILE REPORT
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