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Wednesday
February 20, 2019

FIRST TIME AT PIG?
• What is PIG?
• Who is PIG?
• PIG's Doctrines
• PIG PLEDGE •
I Pledge Allegiance
To The Way Cool Dudes
That Founded
The Free State Of PIG
Because PIG Is The Place
That Gets In Your Face
Regardless Of
Gender, Orientation
Or Race
• CUPCAKE NATION •
Too many Cupcakes, Basement Boys and preciuos Snowflakes invading your Safe Space? You're in the very most, PIGish Safe Space.

>>> Cupcakes >>>

• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
>> Caliphate This >>
ODE TO
BLACK LIES MATTER

There once was a thug named Brown,
Who bum-rushed a cop with a frown,
Six bullets later,
He met his creator,
Then his homies burnt down the town

GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
>>> Right On >>>
'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
*IDGAS Is Our New " I Don't Give A Shit" Card.
When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
Click Below To Learn How You Can Be The First Kid On Your Block To Start Carding.
>>> Go Here >>>

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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Their Very Own, Self-Imposed Safe Space?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
Cry Bullies
Q. Tarantino
#BLM
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore
Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY

PIGISH V-DAY

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ANYONE SEEN A DIAPER WEARING WINGED LITTLE PUNK NAMED CUPID?
"
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DISCLAIMER: The following is not for Limp-Wristed Opraholics or those prone to memories of their childhood on Sensitivity Street. Read on, if your cast irons are in proper working order. PIGsters of the lady persuasion, you're invited to read on, also.

It's almost that time of the year again, the day when that airborne, diaper-wearing rat bastard - Cupid - starts peppering unsuspecting moon-struck humans with his goddamn arrows. I have a suggestion or two about an alternative use for those damn arrows. Since this pernicious pest never leaves home without the damn things, I'm ready willing and eager to shove them up his...that's right PIGster, I think he needs to stick those damn arrows where the sun don't shine. If I ever catch that winged runt, I'll...

Is the infamous Hambo declaring war on love, romance and all that goes with it? Not exactly. However, I tend to get pissed when some pinheads mount a world-spanning ad campaign to coerce me into buying some flowers, a box of candy or some other whiz-bang that has a "void after February 14" warning label. At minimum, it's insulting to presume that I'm not taking care of business with my lovely bride 24/7/365. I don't need images of that airborne, arrow packing terrorist to make me do the right thing for my lady, so back the hell off, damn it!

When a dude's heart is in the right place, he shows his lady how much he loves her continuously. He shows it when he goes to Moonbeam's recital and makes a fool of himself cheering for his daughter's enthusiastically tone deaf rendition of that song he hates. He shows it after Mother Nature dumps 8 feet of globally warmed snow on his wife's ride and he freezes his nads off scraping the ice and snow off her car. He shows it when his lady is feeling puny and he drives across town in that torrential downpour to get the medicine she needs at the only all night pharmacy. When a dude's heart is in the right place, he shows his lady in a thousand little ways, so the last damn thing he want's or needs is this Cupid crap laying a guilt trip on him over some stupid card, a box of candy or some flowers. When he decides to go that extra mile, despite this winged terrorist, his lady knows that he did it because he wanted to, not because he felt "obligated".

I suspect that Hambo's annual Valentine's Day tantrum is fueled, in large part, by the asinine lengths that the NO NADs go to vilify it. To hear them tell it, this Cupid crap is a dastardly patriarchal plot to victimize women. Trust me when I tell you that these flannel shirt wearing, 'Vagina Monologue' venerating, Womyn have nothing to fear from Hambo or any other self-respecting dude. Valentine's Day is a lot of things, but one thing it isn't is a plot by testosterone poisoned men to ravage wang-phobic womyn. These womyn need to get over themselves, because testosterone poisoned or not, no self-respecting dude is ever going to be that horny or that desperate.

While I'm painting a bull's-eye on these damn NO NADS, let me tell you another thing....BZZZZZT.

Sorry PIGsters, we had to use our Hambo class stun gun to subdue him...the rest of this rant will be conducted in our usual, kid glove fashion. As usual, Hambo has the right idea, but, predictably, he gets a bit too, uh, enthusiastic about these things. While he's still twitching nicely, we'll tone it down a notch and get on with the business at hand.

Now, we'll give the floor to Professor Porcus. Hope your pencils are still sharp from taking copious notes during the most esteemed Hambo's memorable V-Day meltdown.

PIGsters of the dude persuasion, tired of being nagged and harassed into spending your hard earned spoils on the kitten that has you smitten? Never fear, for the Masters are here to help preserve and protect the Sacred Fraternal Order of the Dudedom.

First order of business? Glad you asked. We're forming a temporary, one time PIG militia, with the sole purpose of tracking down a once a year winged gnat of a rat bastard that goes by the name of Cupid.

Yeah, dudes, we'll get you up to date on this annual menace.

Description: Fat, chubby, arrow toting, diaper wearing, little sociopath that preys upon unsuspecting, rank amateur, P-whipped, rookie dudes.

Armed & Dangerous? You bet. He flies around, shooting arrows at unsuspecting dudes, sitting on park benches, holding their honey's hand, trying exercise a little amore, and injects them with guilt and crass, overt, commercialism.

When: Only annual sightings known to us, and his co-conspirators (advertisers) are February 14.

How is this unique PIG Militia going to form? Well, folks, this is a call to arms for every dude in The Dudedom that has the NADS, to polish up those cast irons you were given at birth, hit the garage, grab whatever you've got. Be it in the form of crossbows, shotguns, peashooters, screwdrivers, beer cans, sling shots, whatever, this little squirt is violating our precious airspace every February 14.

How do we want him? Alive! and we're sure you're asking why, aren't you? Whoever uses their Anti-Aircraft devices to knock this little devil in disguise down, gets to pluck the first feathers from his wings and the rest of us real dudes get to take turns. When we're done with that, we'll take his bow and arrow and give him a dose of some PIG reality. No comment, use your imagination. After that, he can pound sand, kick rocks, anything to get that stinky, diaper wearing, little rascal the hell out of our lives, like, for good.

Valentine's Day. It's a blight on the calendar that everyone fails to appreciate.

Men from sea to shining sea - and beyond, I suspect - view it as a 'gotcha' that will unleash a raging female on them if they don't come through with the goods. It all depends on the quality of the woman in your life. If you're paired up with a high maintenance woman - what I call a Hot House Flower - Valentine's Day can be the most terrifying day of the year. As much as you'd like to ignore it, you can't because SHE will have your nads for breakfast if you don't
meet, or exceed her expectations. Good luck with that dude. You're probably going to need it.

Who Hates Valentine's Day
NO-NADs: Valentine's Day majorly pisses off hard core womyn's studies class NO-NADs. In their synaptically dysfunctional alleged minds, this hearts and flowers stuff is an evil plot perpetrated by men so they can continue to victimize those delicate, helpless flowers of humanity: womyn. They call it "V" Day, and celebrate it with the brass ring of male bashing, "The Vagina Monologues".

If the NO-NADs are trying to annoy PIG dudes like me with this "V" Day crap, they're not getting it done. In fact, I'm endlessly entertained by the way some womyn kick Cupid to the curb and devote the day to venerating their nads. I have nothing against these V-Day (Vagina Day) Harpies, aside from the fact that those most likely to celebrate their nads are the ones least likely to share that joy with you, horny as a ten-peckered owl, Sparky.

Islamikazes: As entertaining as "V" Day is, it's only half the fun. The Islamikazes give the NO-NADs a run for their money, when it comes to grabbing that VDDS (Valentine's Day Derangement Syndrome) brass ring.

The annual Jihad against Valentine's Day is one of the more amusing elements of the Islamikaze war against hard-wired, non-negotiable, rules of human biology. They've been trying to repress those venerable 'boy meets girl' impulses since the 7th century, without any success.

The fun hits its stride, when foaming at the mouth Islamikazes bluster that Valentine's Day is a dastardly plot to subvert Islam. In the Sandbox, Saudi religious police terrorize Sandbox capitalists who defile Islam with their cupid crap wares. Elsewhere, roaming Islamikaze bands raid gift shops and destroy any cupid crap they find. We're amazed and amused to report that these hard core Islamikazes are at least as insane as our "V-Day" phobic NO-NADS.

The hard-line Hindus, who are almost as annoying as the Mecca Maniacs, insist that Valentine's Day is a full frontal assault on Dothead culture. It's a pestilence that imposes the West's "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" values on inherently chaste India.

Korrectniks insist that Valentine's Day, with its obvious winners (got a Valentine) and losers (didn't get one), gives people - especially THE CHILDREN - a painful boo-boo.

Like I said, with the possible exception of females around the world, nobody has anything nice to say about Valentine's Day, so I think we need to track down that bow and arrows packing pestilence, Cupid. We need to warn him that every year when Valentine's Day rolls around, the Free State of PIG gears up for action and issues the usual "shoot on sight" orders. We're perfectly willing to coexist peacefully with this Cupid pest, from a safe distance, but we'd rather not have that puny pest lurking in OUR neighborhood using our butts for target practice.

Lock and load, PIG dudes. It's that time of year again and we need to be on the lookout for this winged arrow packing terrorist.

A Cautionary Cupid Crap Tale
If you're a veteran PIGster, you're probably aware that here in the top secret PIG bunker we consider that winged, arrow packing pest, Cupid, armed and dangerous. This puny pest has been caught, more than once, peppering the oddest people with his poison-tipped arrows. What's that? You doubt me? Have you SEEN Christina Aguilera's husband? Game, set, match, skeptical Sparky. Cupid should be impaled on his damn arrows for perpetrating...that.

This winged terrorist has outdone himself with his latest exploit. Apparently, Cupid was unwinding in Genoa (Italy) after his action packed Valentine's Day reign of terror. While he was there, he spotted a certain couple and decided to mix some business with pleasure.

The dude in Cupid's bull's-eye, 31 year old named Bruno Perez, was on the receiving end of a guided Cupid missile while he was conducting a transaction at the local post office in Genoa. Bruno took one look at the fetching postal clerk, 21 year old Lucia Marcelo, and nearly lost his focus on the important transaction. After completing his business with Lucia, Bruno tore himself away, but he couldn't get her out of his mind.

Throwing caution to the wind, Bruno returned to the post office, packing a large bouquet of flowers for the fetching postal clerk. Did she remember him? Vividly, since just the day before he'd robbed her at gunpoint. Cool as a cucumber, Lucia keep Bruno mesmerized with her charms while she hit the silent alarm to summon the police.

The last sound Bruno heard as the cops carted him off to the graybar was that winged terrorist, Cupid, laughing his fat little ass off.

Parting shot: Even if you say it in Italian, "This is a stickup" is not our idea of a winning pickup line.

Look, lovestruck PIGsters, the PIG staff humbly admits we are veterans when it comes to this subject. We're going to casually sit back and watch all amateurs fumbling around buying flowers, candy, ruin their credit at jewelry stores and, of course, make Hallmark some profits, while us real Valentinos, Casanovas, John Wayne's, and Clint Eastwood's are going to do what comes natural ALL 365 days of the year..We "Get 'Er Done".

PIGsters of all persuasions, take heed from the words of George Carlin; "Be excellent to one another" We'll add to that most excellent quotation by saying, All 365 days a year.

This lesson was provided free of charge from the Free State of PIG.

Love and Kisses, the PIG staff!

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• PIG's Revamped News Page
Definitely NOT Your Mommy's News Page!
Get a PIG's-eye view of events.
Updated Any Time The News Is PIGish >>>

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• PIG's OINK OBSERVER
What the hell is it? If Enquiring minds want to know, the answer is a click away.
>>> Oink Me, Big Boy >>>
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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
Read More >>>

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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
Read More >>>
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY

SIGN

• EYE OPENERS:
Sometimes, A Picture
Says It All.
If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: [email protected]

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Image Source
MLB
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WORD OF THE DAY

ITALIAN DRIVER, n.
An unsafe at any speed genre of road warrior that views traffic signals, signs and statutes as suggestions.

You don't have to justify your existence by sacrificing or giving to others. You don't have to justify your existence at all.

All you need to do is take responsibility for your existence. This means your personal happiness and serenity as well as your physical well-being. If you're not a mooch, a whiner, a guilt-inducer or a complainer — you're in good shape. You have nothing to feel guilty or uneasy about.
DR. HURD

No Longer Possible

An old man is walking in Amsterdam and passes a hooker standing at her door. She says to him: "Hey Granddad, why don't we give it a try?"

He says: "No thank you. That is no longer possible for me."

It was a slow night, so the hooker says: "Oh, come on, what have we got to lose; let's give it a try."

So, they both go inside and he acts like the young man he used to be.

"Oh my goodness," says the hooker breathlessly afterward, "I thought you said sex was no longer possible for you."

Says the old man: "Oh, my body is still highly capable; it's the paying that is no longer possible."

The Pope and Golf

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.

"Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?", he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But, there's a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal. Then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea.

The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness.", said Nicklaus.

"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."

"There's bad news?" asked the Pope.

"Yes, I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods.

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

I was drinking at a bar so I took a bus home. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
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I thought getting older would take longer.
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A wise man once said nothing.
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Respect your elders; they graduated from school without the internet.
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I've decided I'm not old; I'm 25 plus shipping and handling.
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Why do I have to press "1" for English? Did America move?
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Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
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Instead of "single" as a marital status I prefer "independently owned and operated".
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Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.
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Vegetarian: Ancient tribal name for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish or light fires!
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I look at people and sometimes think..."really? That's the sperm that won?"
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In my defense I was left unsupervised.
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My decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing the road.
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Some things are just better left unsaid. And I usually realize it right after I say them.
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Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
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If my body is ever found on a jogging trail just know that I was murdered somewhere else and dumped there.
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If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

 

 

WHO STEPPED IN IT THIS WEEK?
February 15, 2019

Self-Inflicted Wound of the Week

Following months of opposition from local politicians and union groups, Amazon on Thursday canceled its plans to build a 25,000-employee campus in New York. It's still moving forward with a 25,000-employee site in Arlington, Virginia, which will be built over the next decade.

HQ2's short trip from coveted development by a huge employer to pariah project by a vulture capitalist will be studied by developers and politicians for a long time. It offers a clear picture of how badly Amazon misdiagnosed the political environment it was walking into and how it made itself a bigger target for protesters by creating such a flashy bidding process. The situation also illustrates how negative perceptions about Bezos' treatment of workers and alleged monopolistic practices are corroding the company's once-sterling reputation. Public polls -- in contrast to the protests -- showed strong support for the project.

Plenty of attention will also be directed at the progressive politicians who helped torpedo the plan and stopped tens of thousands of new jobs from coming into the city. It's still too soon to tell whether they'll be applauded for preventing gentrification and corporate handouts or be thrown out of office.

Amazon didn't respond to a request for comment.

PIG Sez: Libs shoot themselves in the wallet? Pass the popcorn.

Oxymoron Award

WOOSTER — Anything boys can do, girls can do, too, and that includes being part of the Boy Scouts of America.

A small but enthusiastic group of young ladies met at Zion Lutheran Church in Wooster last week to become part of the new Troop 64 — an all-girl troop which will offer the new recruits some privileges they think they've been missing, such as whittling and camping.

It's the first all-girl BSA troop to start in Wooster, according to organizers.

PIG Sez: Boy Scout Troop 64? Yup. All girls? Seriously? I have a headache.

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1947 City of Angels road tests a dangerous form of urban renewal when a chemical mixing error sets off explosion that wipes out 42 city blocks.

1971 Oops! My bad: Uncle Sam's National Emergency Center shuts down boob tube and boom box stations, erroneously. Nobody catches the "error" for 30 minutes.

GET YOUR SCOOP OF PIGISH POOP
If your Boob-Tube, News Nit-Wits or Social Media Meatheads aren't providing you with enough Caitlyn, Justin, Miley, The Donald, High Profile Race Hustlers
or anyone else that stops the presses and your world, well, OMG! and WTF! You're in the right place. Kulture Watch takes precision aim at anyone caught in our crosshairs and headlights and will give you, "The rest of the story."
Read More >>>

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
Read More >>>

INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>



Google


PIG CALENDAR

February is
Where's Porcus Month
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We no shit lost him. Did you find him?..
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

>>> Read More >>>
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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
>>> Read More >>>
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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A B
ETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
>>> Read More >>>

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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
>>> Read More >>>
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
>>> Read More >>>

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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
>>> Read More >>>
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

>>> Read More >>>

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
ALICE'S RESTAURANT
PIGsters! You don't have to wait until Schools Out to head into Alice Cooper'stown in Phoenix, AZ, an eatery founded by Alice Cooper and Randy Johnson. A place where Jocks and Rock meet. Try their specialty, The Big Unit.
>>> Menu >>>
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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WWW.ARIZONABITEME.COM
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NATIONAL REVIEW
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FARK
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WOODPILE REPORT
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HONOR 1778
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2018 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2018: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.