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Friday
October 31, 2014

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A Forgotten Man
 
The Duffer In Chief traded 5 top terrorist leaders for a man who is, many believe, a deserter.
 
This same Oval Office Pussy won’t lift a finger to free Marine Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi, whose only ‘crime’ is making a wrong turn at the U.S.- Mexican border.
 
Call your Elected Tormentor. Demand that Mexico be forced to set this political prisoner free.

RIGHT ON
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
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'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
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Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Another Galaxy?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore & Any Kardashian caboose Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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TOP STORY
HALLOWEEN HEARTBURN
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Once again, We the PIGs wage war on the hair incinerating Halloweenies who are hell bent to take all the fun out of the night of the candy muggers.

Once upon a midnight dreary…

This year, the ghosts, goblins, and ghouls at the Free State of PIG plan to rip the mask off the most egregiously maligned holiday on the world's calendar: Halloween. Why? Because it's the kind of thing we do. Also, here in the PIG bunker, Halloween is one of our favorite days of the year, for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it's a day when kids are allowed to unleash their imaginations, something that is increasingly, deplorably, rare in these Nanny State plagued times.

Halloween is about fun. It's a day when rational adults get to experience unmitigated tyke excitement, joy and laughter. It's all that and more. It would be nice if once, just once, all the whiners, hand-wringers and other killjoys would shut the hell up and let kids have some harmless 'lets pretend' fun. Since they won't cooperate, we're determined to mount a vigorous defense on its behalf. In the process, we'll hit all the hot buttons we can find, giving you a heads up on the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of Halloween.

We'll begin this PIGish Halloween Primer, by telling you what Halloween is.

Halloween started out as an ancient Celtic festival, Samhain, a day which marked the end of the 'lighter half' of the year and the beginning of the 'darker half' of the year. Since it's a significant moment on the Celtic calendar, it's also known as the Celtic New Year.

Many of our Halloween traditions can be traced back to Samhain, including the wearing of costumes. Believing the barrier between the afterlife and this world was especially thin on Samhain, the Celts welcomed the spirits of dearly departed family members, but warded off harmful spirits, by wearing scary costumes. The use of skeletons on Halloween also traces back to Samhain, since families would deploy them on their window sill to make friendly spirits feel welcome. Other elements, like the term Jack-O-Lantern (originating in Ireland), and the carved pumpkin (an American contribution), were added later.

In the 21st century, Halloween is what it has been all of our lives, a day when children, of all ages, dress up and set forth on a candy mugging quest. On Halloween, costume wearing tykes will roam your neighborhood seeking all those sugary treats that make mom act snarky when they ask her ask for them. Cut little Moonbeam and Thunderboy some slack, mom. Yes, we know that you'll be forced to deal with that high-energy, nerve-shattering sugar high and the requisite "mom, my tummy feels funny" aftermath. The FSOP is confident that you'll survive, as usual. It's only once a year and it's a small price to pay for all those tyke high spirits.

Now that you're up to speed on what Halloween is, it's time to cut through the crap and tell you what it isn't.

We're painfully aware that some of our loyal PIGsters view this annual candy-intensive holiday with foreboding. Too many individuals see dark forces at work behind this night of make believe and that's a shame. In a perfect world, you'd figure out that, if you raised your tykes with the proper values, then one night in a Dracula cape with plastic fangs isn't going to turn your kids into virgin-sacrificing devil worshipers. That's not going to happen, so lighten up and let the kids play dress up and have some good, clean, classically-American, fun.

The most pernicious canard about Halloween is that pagans, Satanists, and Wiccans stole it from the Cross Cult. It's a popular whopper that, deliberately, abuses historical fact. The fact that Halloween - formerly All Hallows Even - occurs on the eve of the Cross Cult's All Saints Day is, as you might suspect, no accident, but the perpetrators aren't pagans. The perpetrators are Vatican players - Pope Gregory III and Pope Gregory IV - who deliberately tried to co-op this pagan festival by moving All Saints Day from May 13 to November 1. By the mid 800s A.D., the deed was done, and the assault on Halloween was going full speed ahead.

Wiccans and other, Johnny Come Lately, asshats have, belatedly, tried to horn in to do some holiday co-opting of their own, with mixed results. They're free to do whatever thrills them spitless, but the fact remains that Halloween isn't about them, either.

Over the years, a strange coalition of thin-skinned pumpkinheads joined forces to malign Halloween, but, by and large, the holiday took a licking but kept on ticking. That brings us to the next topic on our PIGish Halloween Primer agenda, the ever-popular list of suspects who get heartburn from our favorite holiday of the year.

* Border jumping scumbag invaders and their Colonista cohorts had a memorable hissy fit over an 'illegal alien' costume which involved an orange jumpsuit, an extraterrestrial mask, and a green hunk of paper which reads 'green card'.

* Wiccans interrupt their howling at the moon to complain that seeing Moonbeam packing a broom, doning her witch's garb, and sporting a hooked nose gives them a boo-boo. It's 'demeaning' and qualifies - in their fevered brains as "hate speech".

* So-called child 'advocates' blither that the scary - fright night - aspects of Halloween might scar little Thunderboy and Moonbeam for life. They bellow that it's a blatant, unacceptable, unnecessary, assault on fragile tyke psyches. On the one night that really is 'for the children', these child advocate bed wetters insist that mom and dad oops, uh, parent 1 and parent 2, keep the tykes home.

* Anal retentive prudes complain that the costumes worn by Moonbeam and her wenchlet pals are egregiously skimpy and make them look like brazen hussies. In this category, the 'sexy ebola nurse' costume has tongues wagging.

* NO NADs, and a lot of pinheads with no sense of humor, are setting their hair on fire over our pick for costume of the year: the now infamous Ray Price costume. Ray Rice's claim to infamy is punching out his wife in an elevator, then dragging her out, afterwards. Charming! He's out of the NFL, but far from forgotten.

There are many hilarious, inoffensive costumes to wear for Halloween parties this month — Ray Rice is not one of them. Plenty of people were disgusted when a picture of a man dressed as the disgraced running back was posted online. The photo shows a man wearing Rice's No. 27 jersey dragging a blowup doll to represent his wife. [NYDN]

* One Halloween, a Minnesota woman incurred the wrath of assorted asshats, because the mock graveyard in her front yard had boo-boo inducing prose on the tombstones with names like these: Mike Hunt, Ben Dover, Phil McCracken and Hugh Jass. Our kind of gal, the woman told the whiners 'bite me'.

Speaking of Halloween phobic pinheads, a Korrectnik at the University of Colorado pissed on the candle in the pumpkin with this costume banning drivel.

Any Indian costume, Native Americans feathers, headdresses or other items are banned.

Thinking of a sexy costume - be careful - overly sexualized costumes, such as Japanese geishas, or Indian "squaws" are also banned.

Also banned - ghetto costumes.

The college also believes Caucasians might be offended, so no cowboy costumes or "white trash" outfits will be allowed either.

A university spokesman called cowboy costumes a "crude stereotype."

Thinking of dressing up like your favorite Duck Dynasty character?

Too bad - hillbilly costumes are banned, too.

The best costumes? Animals or cartoon characters, but only the most bland as some may consider some offensive. [National Ledger]

Once again, Halloween season spreads confusion far and wide. Some people - we'll call them 'eager beavers' - are just naturally horrifying, ghoulish, or ghastly, so they appear to be in costume 365 days a year. Some of you will attribute this PIGish notion to our notoriously colorful nature...Sticks and stones.

Here are a few eager beavers that We the PIGS have encountered.

* First, there's the zombie - one of the walking dead -who has been spotted out in public, this week. It's Kanye West who seems more bummed than ever, now that he 'owns' Short & Porny - AKA Kim "Porn Star" Kardashian. You're dead meat, dude, because your fat assed Armenian apple didn't fall far from the relentlessly greedy Big Mama Kardashian tree. His self-made Hell, so he burns. I can live with that.

* We were puzzled when we spotted an albino hippo herding her energetic, roly poly daughter into a pool where a large crocodile awaited her. Upon closer inspection we recognized Honey Boo Boo's lard ass mommy June, who was dumping her meal ticket in the lap of a different kind of predator, June's pedophile boyfriend.

* When we spotted a giant sphincter being interviewed by an MSM Obama toady, we wondered who was road testing his, her, hisher or its Justin Bieber costume. Silly us, it turned out to be Chucky Schumer, who is always a complete asshole, in his natural state.

* Every time we spot a scrawny skank wearing short shorts plus a flimsy top humping a lamp post, it makes us stop short and ask ourselves. Is this a garden variety crack whore, or someone in a Miley Cyrus costume?

* Several weeks ago we spotted what appeared to be dumbo-eared geek in one of those ridiculous uniforms the tin pot dictators love to wear. We didn't recognize Generalissimo Barack, at first, until an MSM toadie bloviated about the strong impression The One made while ordering air strikes on empty buildings rumored to be important ISIS facilities. The outfit and the saber rattling bluster were laughable, so Barry will, once again, venture forth as the equally laughable 'Washington Outsider', on Halloween.

* We spotted a vintage woman carrying a giant 'Y' down the street and assumed it was someone in Shrillary costume showing her pining away for her terrorist tongue candy, Huma. It was, in fact, the owner of a new eatery, 'The Y', carrying the single letter logo for her food emporium. Mistaken identity? Yup, but an understandable one, since Bubba himself confirmed Shrillary's fondness for chowing down at the 'Y'.

* You probably missed it, but NBC's news headquarters had an especially frightening terrorist incident recently. It happened when someone spotted a man carrying a bomb in the building. Was someone road testing a terrorist costume? Nope. It turned out to be the executive responsible for making David Gregory the host of 'Meet the Press' removing the last vestiges of David from the building.

* Last weekend, I was knocking back a few at a friend's house, when his Mutt ran up and started humping my leg. Smirking, I looked at mutt then my friend. "It looks like Bubba (the dog) is wearing his Chris Matthews costume again this year." That mutt is in his Matthews mode, every day.

The eager beavers are, by and large, more amusing than annoying. The costume banning candle pissers are a different story.

If there's a dark underbelly to Halloween it's all about human nature, not demonic influences. It works this way: Painfully aware that daughter Moonbeam's sudden burning need for an iPhone traces back to the fact that Moonbeam's best friend Susie just got one from her indulgent mommy, Moonbeam's mom plots her revenge. When little Susie shows up dressed as the Princess in some kid flick, Moonbeam's mom reaches for that special Susie treat, a 10,000 calorie candy bar that will put Susie's cholesterol into orbit, and give her a sugar high that will make her hyperactive for the next three weeks. It's not a perfect revenge, but it's damn close. Susie will survive, unscathed; the jury is still out on her mom's fate.

It's time to wrap this one up, so you can fortify your homestead for the forthcoming candy mugger assault. Halloween is a night for, and about, children. It's a night when tykes delight us, by dressing up and channeling their inner thespian. It's one moment in the year, when we can become anyone, anything, our hearts desire and the only limiting factors are our own imaginations. If that gives Holy Rollers, Food Nazis, Korrectniks, Wiccans, and assorted other asshats, a painful dose of Halloween Heartburn, tell somebody who cares.

It's time for rational adults to face the fetid fact that a fun day like Halloween will never register with humorless, myopic Girlie Men. It's time for us to ignore these hair incinerating, panty-wadding, pinheads, because they can't, or won't, grasp the context of a day devoted to fun, sometimes at the expense of others. It's time for rational adults to tell these Halloween killjoys to put a sock in it, because we refuse to give credence to the entirely mythical, 'right not to be offended'. We won't be enslaved to someone's irrational sensitivities. If someone has trouble with ghosts, gobblins, witches, and all the rest, it's their personal problem.


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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
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WORD OF THE DAY

HALLOWEENIE, Hamboism

Anyone, from sea to shining sea, who finds something sinister about tykes dressing up as their favorite mythical character and going house to house saying "Trick or Treat".

"Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper."
– Larry Flynt

California creates its own Ebola quarantine policy. Does anyone believe that Ebola is the scariest thing in California?

PIGish Halloween Advice.

On Halloween, pay special attention to 'The Lessons We Learned From Horror Films'

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. It isn't.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of a group of people, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and leave NOW!!

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing. Even then, don't do it.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of a female. Even though you may be faster than the monster, you can be sure that it WILL catch you.

If your friends suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Meskatonic University, Camp Crystal Lake, Haddonfield, Illinois, one gas station desert towns or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, or band saws. This is especially true if they are wearing a hockey mask or one made of human skin.

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't...

1. So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!

Oddly Appropriate For Halloween

[Fox News]Tom Cruise and Lindsay Lohan dating?

Tom Cruise, 52, and Lindsay Lohan, 28, are both currently in London, and as they explore the city, they have been exploring each other, according to a new report.

"Lindsay has been craving the security and sophistication that comes with dating an older man, so she couldn't believe her luck when she ran into her old crush [in London]," a source told OK! magazine. "She's head over heels."

The two exchanged numbers on Oct. 7 at Chiltern Firehouse in London, says the mag, after flirting all night.

If the pairing seems odd, you're not alone in thinking so. However, according to OK!, they've been linked before; she auditioned in 2005 for a role opposite Tom in "Mission Impossible: III" when she was just 18. The mag claims that the audition was actually a cover for a girlfriend audition, and that Katie Holmes, 35, ended up winning the "part."

That said, Lindsay is apparently down with whatever shady business Tom is allegedly involved in when it comes to his love life, because she reportedly "gushed" to OK!'s source that Tom is the "sexiest man alive."

This isn't just a love connection, though; Lindsay thinks that Tom will be able to revive her struggling career, and Tom thinks that "Lindsay can definitely help him relax and have more fun."

Assholes

[Fox News] A former Marine who served in Iraq says he's been banned from his daughter's Maryland high school after a heated argument over a lesson on Islam.

Kevin Wood told MyFoxDC.com that he went to La Plata High School in La Plata, a town about 30 miles southeast of Washington, and challenged a history assignment requiring students to list the benefits of Islam. He said the meeting with the vice principal got heated; the school said he made a threat and banned the Iraq veteran from school property.

"[Wood] was threatening to cause a disruption or possible disruption at the school," a district spokesperson said.

Wood did not deny getting worked up over the issue, but said he was standing up for the Constitution and is against any religion being taught at the public school.

"I have witnesses that have said I did not threaten anybody," he told the station. "I don't force my religious views on them, so don't force your religious views on me."

The school is allowing his eleventh-grade daughter to spend the class time in the school's library, but defended its assignment and said it is teaching world history, not religion.

Wood's wife, Melissa, wondered how teaching about one religion is considered a history lesson while teaching about Christianity would be viewed diffrerently.

"We cannot discuss our Ten Commandments in school but they can discuss Islam's Five Pillars?"

The three-page assignment asked questions including, "How did Muslim conquerors treat those they conquered?"

A homework assignment obtained by MyFoxDC.com showed the correct answer was, "With tolerance, kindness and respect."

834 All Hallows Eve (Halloween) celebrated for 1st time.

1595 Martin Luther sets off Protestant Reformation with '95 Theses'.

1846 The gold standard for 'the wrong place at the wrong time', the Donner party, is unable to cross over the mountains so they build a winter camp: who's for dinner comes later.

1918 Getting an early start on doing those jobs that an American won't do, a border-jumping flu virus - the Spanish flu virus - kills 21,000 people in the USA, in one week.

1926 Magic runs out when Harry Houdini dies in the Motor City.

1931 Noted Donkey Clan propagandist, Dan "Scumbag" Rather born.

1941 After 14 years of work, James Borglum finishes Mount Rushmore..

1956 Desperate to find a place where he won't get besieged by candy mugging tykes in costumes, Rear Admiral G J Dufek is 1st American to land an airplane at the South Pole.

1983 Bored Aussie spends 217 days on 8,316 mile run around Australia.

1987 Two Brit slackers spend record tying 80 hrs, 21mins playing a tennis match.

IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
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INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>

STEPPING IN IT!
Get your weekly whiff as Hambo serves up a real steaming load to those thart merit this odiferous awad. It's OK to look. It's OK to smell. It's even OK to touch. But for those that have the misfortune of stepping in it, they get...A Steaming Load Award.
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PIG CALENDAR

October Is
Howl at the Moon Month

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Someone has to warn rational adults that Moonbats are in charge.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
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• O-CRAP! •

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Welcome to PIG's Outhouse, a new section that contains all the Obama crap that's been stinking up and overflowing our in-boxes. We had to create a new page because you have to actually earn a Steaming Load, and the folks running our Dumpster page don't want to lower their standards.
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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A BETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

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If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2014 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2013: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.