all this talk about electronic fences, smart fences, walls, National
Guardsmen, Border Patrol and Minutemen being deploying along the border,
PIG has come up with a most practical solution. It saves time, money
and manpower and provides hours of ongoing entertainment.
is it, you ask? Why it's Landmine Lotto, and yes Chico, come on
also has the potential to be the ultimate reality show set along
the U.S. / Mexico border.
This is a show that you won't see on Telemundo or Univision.
"Señor PIG, how do I play?", asks our contestant, Chico.
simple. It involves liberating all the world's land mines and using
them to line our border. If a player - Alas Poor Chico, I knew him
well - stumbles through the mine field without blowing his nuts
to Hondouras, he must wait until Juan, Guadalupe, whomever blows
themself up. At that point, he must replace the exploded mine with
a new one. If he manages that, he's free to enter the USA. Or, if
he refuses, he's tagged with an electronic transmitter, ala Wild
Kingdom, and sent back.
to "Landmine Lotto", our contestants can play "Gauntlet" (trying
their luck between two lines of heavily armed troops) "Tunnel Rat"
(a tunnel system that's rendered exicting by adding a boatload of
poisonous snakes and other goodies), "Human Cannonball" (The gun
is very big, but the target is very small and surrounded by boulders
plus steep cliffs), "Dodge them cars" (Something like crossing the
San Diego Freeway, but the cars are bigger and traveling faster).
get us wrong. All
kidding aside, we at PIG do not advocate making illegals dead, or
even felons (HR4437). We DO want to make them disappear into their
country of origin and get to the end of the line and go through
the process LEGALLY, like almost everyone else.