ALIEN is defined as: RANDOM
1. A foreigner who has entered or resides in a country unlawfully
or without the country's authorization.
A foreigner who enters the U.S. without an entry or or immigrant
visa, especially a person who crosses the border by avoiding
inspection or who overstays the period of time allowed as a
visitor, tourist or businessperson.
Uninvited, Invading Hordes of English-Phobic Scum, who are under
the illusion that they have the same rights, status and privileges
as U.S. citizens and legal residents.
NO! FREE MEDICAL, BI-LINGUAL EDUCATION, SPECIAL RIGHTS? SI!
across the Rio Grand, while others trudge through the unforgiving
Arizona desert. Many come crammed like sardines in an Asian
shipping container or climb aboard Canadian Caravan heading
South. America is under siege by what PIG calls Border Jumping
Scumbags who swarm into this nation like vermine, un-damn-invited,
cutting in line ahead of those who patiently plod trough the
proper channels for their shot at the American Dream.
that we are, we're doing our best to be thrilled about this
ongoing invasion but it's not easy. We suspect that our attitude
problem has something to do with the fact that these invaders
break our laws to get here, spread diseases like leprosy and
tuberculosis, clog our hospitals, schools, jails and schools,
displace American workers, contribute to higher insurance costs
and impose an unwarranted burden on the American taxpayer. Don't
hold your breath for thrilled, Colonista Sparky.
the fun of it, let's imagine that you're Juan Q. Colonista and
you're determined to get on that Great White Gringo gravy train.
How do you jump the border, grab that free for the taking gravy
while evading an unwanted immersion in the American Melting
Pot? As usual, we've got it covered.
ONE: Cross the border ILLEGALLY by means of
Coyotes, cross the Rio Grande - hence the name "Wetback", crawl
under our weakly enforced chain link fences - hence the name
"Scratchback", or just any old sneaky, illegal method possible.
TWO: Arrive at any hospital for a few days of R&R. You be
tanned, rested and ready for your new life in America. No charge.
THREE: Hunt down fellow Border Jumping Scum who will fill
you in on how to stick it to the the Great White Gringo by getting
you fake I.D.'s, a new identity, location of Day Labor/public,
open air restrooms, liquor stores and an apartment where sleeping
10 to a room is a luxury.
FOUR: Secure a job where your employer turns his/her head,
asks no questions and knows your situation. Usually displacing
an American, who will, by the way, be willing to do that job.
FIVE: Save money and purchase an automobile. Don't worry
about such trivialities as a driver's license or insurance.
None of your compadres do either. Make sure to tell all of your
friends to drive extra slow and contribute to gridlock.
SIX: Marry a fellow Border Jumper, have 6 bambinos by the
age of 22. Since you're working "under the table" you or your
spouse can probably illegally obtain benefits - food stamps,
rental assistance, medical, etc. from the public trough. If
your parents are over 65, they can probably be entitled to Social
Security, without ever working legally in the U.S.
SEVEN: Now that you've established yourself and got comfy
and cozy here in El Norte, you can arrange for your parents,
cousins, brothers, sisters, dogs, cats, roosters, cows, goats,
whatever, to come here and immediately sign up for more freebies.
COLONISTA BONUS: You'll feel right at home in a Mexican
Minute because your Colonista Colony is an English free zone.
Thanks to the Colonista coddling horde, your magazine, newspaper,
radio, and boob tube will make you feel like you never splashed
across the Rio Grand. Best of all, the Gringo Government has
its head so far up its butt it will coddle you in Spanish, too.
You can spend your whole life in El Norte without ever learning
one word of English. It's just like you never left home, except
the plumbing is indoors and the cockroaches aren't the size
of fat Juanita's butt.
NOT A COLONISTA BUT WANT SOME FUN, HERE ARE SOME TIPS:
Ask Chico and his pals: Why is it that some Asians who
come to America floating on a twig with nothing but the clothes
on their back, knowing a completely different alphabetical system
and language, learn English in no time, and send their children
to some of America's most prestigious universities, while you
can't, or rather WON'T? Huh?
Just for kicks, walk into any Laundromat with fake
badges and simply yell at the top of your lungs, "MIGRA, MIGRA!"
Just watch in amazement as the Border Jumpers scatter like cockroaches
when the light turns on. Now you've got the whole place to yourself.
Under the pretense of being a contractor, or do-it-yourselfer,
pull up to a Day Labor site, gather as many as possible, and
dump them in the middle of nowhere.
a What? An apology? PIG will not apologize for the statements
made in the previous paragraphs. We blame our so-called Immigration
policy, and Vicente Fox's lap dog, Boy George.
Security my ass! Adios.