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Thursday
April 19, 2018

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• AMERICAN INFIDELS •
Wake Up, Infidels! The F.S.O.P. Declares The Infidel Insurrection Has Begun.
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ODE TO
BLACK LIES MATTER

There once was a thug named Brown,
Who bum-rushed a cop with a frown,
Six bullets later,
He met his creator,
Then his homies burnt down the town

GRAMMY TIME!
Why Have Granola When You Can Have Some Grammy Tune In.
>>Grammy Time >>
ART TIME!
EnjoyThe Art Of Danish Artist, Cirkeline Nilsson.
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DON'T TREAD ON ME
Tired Of Our Sacred U.S. Constitution Being Used As A Snot Rag Like We Are? Click The Link, Read On And Be Right On.
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'SKIN THIS!
Washington Redskins Owner Dan Snyder Has Proven Himself A True Warrior By Shrugging Off Korrectnik Thuggery. PIG Salutes ThIs Hero Of Inkorrectness For Standing Firm In His Decision To Keep The Name Redskins. Dan, You Are The Man!
CARD 'EM, DANO

Don't Give 'Em The Finger,
Because It Won't Linger.
Don't Bother To Sass 'Em
Just IDGAS 'Em
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When Confronted By A 'Tard,
Just Toss 'Em A Card
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HAMBO FOR PREZ !
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PIG'S GALLERY
 • PIG POLL •
MOONBATS
Which Moonbat Deserves A One-Way Trip To Their Very Own, Self-Imposed Safe Space?

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Michael Moore*
Maxine Waters
Any Kardashian
Occutards
Cry Bullies
Q. Tarantino
#BLM
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 *Due To Intergalactic Freight Costs, Tonage, Limited Food &
Oxygen Supply, Michael Moore
Counts As Two Votes.

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AND THE WINNER IS...
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>>> Read More >>>

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TOP STORY

FOOLING AROUND
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"April 1st isn't the only day of the year when people say or do things that test our credulity. "
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This dose of PIGish prose reached critical mass when I realized that Easter Sunday is on April Fools Day, this year. That double whammy has massive snarky Pagan scribbler prose potential, but a true believer hit piece isn't what I have in mind. Trust me, there's more than enough 'snark' for everybody.

For Libs, and assorted others, April Fool class credulity-stretching epics aren't restricted to April 1st. Every day, we wade through contentions that would be discounted, if they occurred on April 1st.

Here's an unforgettable example:

In a discussion regarding a planned military buildup on the Pacific island, [Jackass Party Congressman Hank Johnson D-GA] expressed some concerns about the plans to Adm. Robert Willard, head of the U.S. Pacific fleet.

"My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize," Johnson said. Willard paused and replied, "We don't anticipate that."

April Fool? Nope.

Here's an oldie but goodie:

A three-centimeter (1.2″)-long copper-jacketed lead-core 6.5×52mm Mannlicher–Carcano rifle bullet fired from the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository passed through President Kennedy's neck and Governor Connally's chest and wrist and embedded itself in the Governor's thigh. If so, this bullet traversed 15 layers of clothing, 7 layers of skin, and approximately 15 inches of tissue, struck a necktie knot, removed 4 inches of rib, and shattered a radius bone. The bullet was found on a gurney in the corridor at the Parkland Memorial Hospital, in Dallas, after the assassination. The Warren Commission found that this gurney was the one that had borne Governor Connally.

April Fool? Nope. It's the Warren Commission's magic bullet theory.

Before I venture further down that road, I'll serve up a few golden April Fool episodes:

Here are some top April Fools Day hoaxes of all time per the Museum of Hoaxes.

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
Spaghetti Harvest. In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

Sidd Finch
Sidd Finch. In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans celebrated their teams' amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

The Taco Liberty Bell
Taco Liberty Bell. In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

April Fool? Oh Hell yes!

Now that you've seen the real thing, here are more wanna bes:

They say:

In whatever preceded space-time [the universe], there was this microscopic thing the lab coated hooligans call a 'singularity'. Where was it? Nowhere and everywhere. As fun as that sounds, it gets better. This singularity blew up then started expanding - 13.8 billion years so far - creating the cosmos as we know it.

April Fool? Nope, it's the Big Bang Theory.

They say:

Room temperature denizens of the promised land left their 'homes for eternity' and took a tour of the city when a certain dude achieved room temperature. Fair enough. For the sake of our discussion, we'll pretend that Uncle Charlie and Aunt Blabby pay a surprise visit on their family, a century or more after their transition to room temperature.

If we accept this whopper as true, I have a question or two about the after death adventures of Uncle Charlie. What happens to them afterwards? You can bet the tombstone that they won't be returning to their final resting places without a fight. Are they still hanging out in the promised land, looking sorry, reeking like you won't believe and causing chaos everywhere they go?

April Fool? Nope. It's in one of the gospel's Easter Story.

They say:

[Mbatt] Middle-Aged Paul Wolscht Identifies as a 6-Year-Old Girl

If Bruce Jenner is a woman, Elizabeth Warren and Ward Churchill are Indians, Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King are black, and Jeb! Bush is Hispanic, then Paul Wolscht is not only female, he is 6 years old:

In an interview with the gay news site The Daily Xtra, Stefonknee (formerly Paul) Wolscht details his struggles with being a male-to-female transgender person.

The Daily Xtra video, however, glosses over a tiny bit of important information about Wolscht: he thinks he is actually a six year-old girl—not just a woman, but a six year-old girl—stuck in the body of a 50-something man.

At age 46, Wolscht deserted his wife and his seven children to live his "true" life.

Wolscht is all set up in the depraved, self-indulgent fantasy he has devoted his existence to wallowing in.

He explains, "Well, I have a mummy and a daddy. [An] adopted mummy and daddy who are totally comfortable with me being a little girl. And their children, and their grandchildren, are totally supportive. In fact, her youngest granddaughter… When I was eight. A year ago, I was eight, and she was seven. And she said to me, 'I want you to be the little sister, so I'll be nine.' I said, 'Well, I don't mind going to six.' So I've been six ever since."

The government retroactively alters weirdos' birth certificates to help foster their delusion that they can be a different gender than what they actually are. It is only right that Wolscht be issued a new driver's license indicating that he was born in 2009. Next year they will have to issue another one, since then he will have been born in 2010.

Insanity is the new national pastime.

April Fool? Nope.

They say:

A reality show star is now POTUS.

April Fool? Nope. His name is Donald Trump and he's doing a great job.

They say:

* Thirdhand Smoke: This is the new 'threat' hyped by the Smoke Nazis. 'Thirdhand Smoke' refers to minute smoke particles which land on carpets, clothes, etc. These minute particles are, these lab coated hooligans insist, especially hazardous to the health of THE CHILDREN.

* Secondhand Television: A USA Today news story defined this steaming load this way:

A growing number of researchers are warning about the dangers of watching TV when very young children are nearby. Recent findings suggest that even casual exposure to TV can harm their development and undermine parent-child interactions.

The most recent warning came last week when the American Academy of Pediatrics for the first time included warnings about "secondhand television" in its guidelines for kids under age 2.

In addition to discouraging screen time for young kids, it warned against watching TV with them nearby, saying the practice hurts their language development. It pointed to several studies, including one from 2008 that found background TV reduced the length of time they played and caused their focus on play to stray.

Secondhand TELEVISION? Seriously? What's next? Secondhand Transfats? Will they say, just seeing food with transfats in it will make Little Johnny and Moonbeam lard up?

April Fool? Nope. Junk Science? Yup.

They say:

When you purchase a firearm you must have a valid ID and undergo a background check. Libs are all for that, but call requiring that voters produce a valid ID racist.

April Fool? Nope. It's 21st century leftism.

April Fools Day is easy, if you can read a calendar and remember to engage your inner skeptic. We see this one coming. It's the everyday stuff that can give you fits. Truth, in too many cases, is stranger than fiction.

.

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• HAMBO'S HAMMER
Have you been Hambo'd today? Every day, PIG's insane editor posts a sample of what's on his alleged mind.
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GOSPEL: PORCUS PITCHFORK

• PORCUS PITCHFORK
'Fork Off! From time to time, whenever he's mad as hell and can't take it anymore, Porcus just says, 'Fork You!
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PIG'S POSTING SCHEDULE
PIG'S PIC OF THE DAY
D'OH
• EYE OPENERS:
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If You Have A Unique
Photo, Cartoon or
Graphic, Sen
d It To: pig@pigazette.com

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WORD OF THE DAY

FBI, n.
Once a world class law enforcement organization, . J.Edgar Hoover's brainchild has already become troublingly similar to Hitler's Gestapo.

It does not take a majority to prevail… but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.
Samuel Adams

Old Frank speaks out on a Wednesday:

Lunacy Prevails – Largely Among Lawyers, State and Local Governments, and the Media

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

Warning. This is about the 'human induced' climate change fabrication – but this time it considers the truly ridiculous state and local 'law suits' against Exxon-Mobil and other energy giants.

Where to start? Well, how about the fact that businesses can only survive and grow if they offer products that customers (people) demand. When Henry Ford established assembly lines that put the automobile within reach of most of the population, the demand for gasoline – and better gasoline as engines became more powerful – skyrocketed. Trucks were soon able to deliver products from farm to market before they went bad. Commerce boomed. In Dayton, Ohio brothers Wilbur and Orville found a way to attach a gasoline engine and a propeller to a glider and aviation was born! As more oil became available, steamships that burned coal to create steam converted to oil as it was so much easier to work with. Plastics were discovered and medicines and fertilizers too – all from the expanded use petroleum products. And, governments at the state and local levels bought vehicles for their police and fire departments, and heated their buildings, and used electricity for public lighting that often was generated by fossil fuels. In other words, fossil fuels of all kinds advanced society and improved everyone's lives and eliminated famines and overcame the effects of droughts.

So, now we add the state government of Colorado to the likes of New York and California and various municipalities to the list of idiots who are suing 'big oil' in court for knowingly 'destroying' the environment and endangering life on our planet. Please note: the petroleum companies did not burn the gasoline or fuel oil, customers did, including the very government entities that are currently bringing suit in court. They used the fuels because they wished to and needed to and there were no suitable substitutes.

"Big Oil," is only 'big' because 'small oil' is impossible. Think of the massive investments in exploration, extraction, refinement facilities, distribution capabilities, and the rest. All those things are well beyond the scope of 'small.' In addition, 'big oil' is among the most profitable industries and is a basic portion of nearly all public and private stock holdings – as they pay regular dividends and seldom lose value. "Big" as a pejorative is truly stupid; but, successful industries (like the petroleum industry) have deep pockets, and lawyers and state and local governments have hungry appetites and in the case of the latter, often over-extended and empty treasuries.

So, if the petroleum industry is guilty of providing a 'must have' product but doesn't consume but a small portion of it; but, people do by driving automobiles and flying and having products delivered by trucks, and using plastics for all sorts of things, then maybe the local and state should sue its citizens for demanding those products. Maybe they should sue the "Big" (false pejorative – again) Auto Makers for producing vehicles that burn fossil fuels?

Or maybe, best of all, these local governments would get a grip and take some real science courses, take some math and statistics courses, and maybe a couple of course in logic, and then reconsider the absolutely false premise that mankind is causing the climate to change. The real-truth is out there and not hard to find. Climate has ALWAYS varied, quite often with wild swings from deep-frozen continents to jungle-like weather above the Arctic Circle and back again. Natural forces change the climate, not the puny impacts of modern civilization. The entire climate scare is based on computer models that can't account for most of the drivers of world climate; but, rather fixate on a life-giving, natural, gas molecule comprised of one carbon atom and two atoms of oxygen. The very stuff we exhale with every breath and that is the most vital ingredient of all plant life on earth. We currently have just a hair fewer than 4 parts in every 10 thousand of this wonderful gas in our atmosphere, and if that amount were to drop by just 1 and a half parts per 10 thousand, plant life would suffer, and our earth would be become a lot-less greener, and famines would return. As they say, "you can look it up."

If these cases aren't thrown out of court, based on their inherent illogic, then the justice system is a fool – just as it was described in a novel by Dickens.

Old Frank

~

Bearded She-Male Conchita Wurst Has HIV

Due to the fawning treatment it evokes from liberal cultural gatekeepers, there are many benefits to embracing the LGBT lifestyle, sometimes including fame and fortune. But a price may need to be paid, as Conchita Wurst has learned:

Wurst has revealed that she [sic] is living with HIV, after an ex-partner [i.e., ex-boyfriend] threatened to make the information public.

I'm guessing Conchita wasn't born with the name Wurst. It means "sausage" in his language, which might be intended to augment his tastelessly ironic bearded she-male schtick.

Wurst, a drag queen who rose to international prominence when she [sic] won the popular European singing competition the Eurovision Song Contest in 2014, wrote on her [sic] Instagram profile she [sic] has been "HIV positive for many years."

No doubt this struck everyone as a great surprise.

On the positive side, from the liberal point of view, every time a pop culture role model comes out with the virus that causes AIDS, it helps to destigmatize this horrific lethal disease — as well as the behavior that spreads it. This is an explicit goal of progressives, as Conchita confirms:

"I hope to build up courage and take another step against the stigmatization of people who have become infected by HIV, either through their own behavior or through no fault of their own."

Ian Green of the Terrence Higgins Trust took the opportunity to praise Wurst effusively, and to spread the dangerous notion that people with HIV are not contagious so long as they are taking their medicine.

Among the goals of the Terrence Higgins Trust are to "empower and support people living with HIV" and to "amplify the voices of those affected by HIV across public and political arenas to eradicate stigma and discrimination." Another goal is to "end the transmission of HIV in the UK," but sometimes goals conflict, and you have to prioritize.

 

* * * * * * * *

1587 One of those legendary, back in the day party animals, Sir Francis Drake, spends his Spring Break in Cadiz, Spain, sinks the Spanish fleet.

1775 Determined to give King George a long overdue reality check, those pesky American colonists fire the shot heard round the world at Concord..

GET YOUR SCOOP OF PIGISH POOP
If your Boob-Tube, News Nit-Wits or Social Media Meatheads aren't providing you with enough Caitlyn, Justin, Miley, The Donald, High Profile Race Hustlers
or anyone else that stops the presses and your world, well, OMG! and WTF! You're in the right place. Kulture Watch takes precision aim at anyone caught in our crosshairs and headlights and will give you, "The rest of the story."
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IT TAKES BALLS TO PLAY IN THE PIGDOME
Do you feel entitled to the brass ring, blue ribbon, trophy or ring for merely showing up? Won't work here on PIG's field. Whether it's sports or any other form of competition, if you have the competitive spirit of a warrior and a PIGish sense of humor, click below for our newest Sports Section. Enjoy our cheerleading squad, pictured, we do!
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INVASION OF THE BORDER JUMPERS
For too long, America's borders have been a portal for the unwelcome, uninvited, undocumented, over diseased and crime ridden riff-raff and parasitic hordes. They swarm across our porous borders, from all over the world to pee, puke, spit and poop in our melting pot...and worse. Read More >>>



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PIG CALENDAR
April Is
Ball and Chain Month

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A true friend will give the prospective groom a hacksaw.
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VETERANS
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Attention all Veteran's and Active Duty Military: PIG is cordially inviting all Vets, active or retired, at home or in Irak, to send us notes or messages for posting in PIG.

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• ZERO TOLERANCE •
• • • • • • • • • • • Amerika's Schools Are Being Transformed Into Orwellian Wastelands With All-Out Lockstep-Style Assaults On Free Speech, Expression, And Even Innocent Fun By Ivory Tower Eggheads aka Zero Tolerance Zombies
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• DUMPSTER DIVING •

NEED TO UP THE VOLTAGE ON YOUR SHOCK TREATMENTS?
THERE'S A B
ETTTER WAY.
GO DUMPSTER DIVING AND ENJOY PIG'S PRIVATE STASH.
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• SIGNS 'O THE TIMES •
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PISSED! POLITICALLY INCORRECT SIGNS SLOGANS & ENLIGHTENED DRAWINGS. TO PERUSE OUR COLLECTION OF OUT OF THE ORDINARY POSTERS, PICS & GRAPHICS. A REAL PISSER OF A PAGE
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• PIG'S PLAYLIST •
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PIG DECIDED TO TURN UP THE VOLUME MORE THAN A FEW NOTCHES BY UNLEASHING OUR PLAYLIST OF WHAT WE CONSIDER NOT JUST GREAT, BUT WAY INKORRECT TUNES.WE'RE SURE YOU WON'T EXPECT "RING AROUND THE ROSIES" OR "WE ARE THE WORLD'" MAKING OUR LIST. TO TUNE IN,
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• TOXIC TOONS •
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SICK OF DRABBLE AND DILBERT IN YOUR FISHWRAPS FUNNY PAGES? WELCOME TO TOXIC TOONS, HERE WE EXPLORE THE TOXIC SIDE OF TOONING AROUND
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• PIG PIN-UPS •
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IF YOU LIKE EYE CANDY, KEEP YOUR SHIRT SLEEVE NEARBY TO WIPE THE DROOL OFF YOUR CHINS. ENJOY.
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• TOE-TAGGED •
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NOTABLE PASSINGS
TO MOST, WE SAY FAREWELL. TO A FEW OTHERS, WE WONDER WTF TOOK YOU SO LONG.
BON VOYAGE.

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• FRIENDS OF PIG •
ALICE'S RESTAURANT
PIGsters! You don't have to wait until Schools Out to head into Alice Cooper'stown in Phoenix, AZ, an eatery founded by Alice Cooper and Randy Johnson. A place where Jocks and Rock meet. Try their specialty, The Big Unit.
>>> Menu >>>
If you're ever in Las Vegas, and experiencing hunger pangs, and just have to have something hot, fresh and juicy, check yourself into:
The Heart Attack Grill
Tell 'Em PIG Sent You
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KNOTTING KORRECTNIK KNICKERS SINCE 2004.
HOLY REALITY CHECKS, BATMAN!



© Copyright 1993-2018 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette
Copyright © 1993-2015: All written, creative, design and intellectual material is perpetrated by and the exclusive property of T.D. Treat and P.K. Crowley. All original graphics are the exclusive property of P.K. Crowley. Permission not needed to beg, borrow or steal material from The Free State of PIG, just cite your source as http://www.pigazette.com, or a link to us as your source, and everyone goes to bed in one piece.