It’s that silly season again when lazy "alleged" journalists around the globe start taking the easy way out when facing a looming deadline by running and end of the year awards list up the flagpole. Is PIG going to stoop that low to meet our Top Story Deadline on a holiday weekend? You better damn believe it, Sparky.

Why would you expect us to pass up a chance to salute the good guys and administer some PIGish bitch-slaps on the richly deserving. We scoured our own archives, solicited suggestions from you our devoted PIGsters, sampled the lunacy that passes for journalism in the 21st century, then searched low and lower for those qualified to be honored or pummeled by one of PIG's Golden Oinks of the Year.

PIG's Golden Oinks Selection Committee singles out the following individuals and/or groups for special PIG attention for their amazing, amusing, and or inspiring antics during 2013.

Heroes & Heroines

Porcus Salutes A Heroine

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge a true heroine. Her name is Lee Yoon Hye, a flight attendant for Asiana Airlines involved in the Flight 214 incident at San Francisco's airport in a Boeing 777.

After an unusually hard landing in San Francisco, she used her wits, training and instinct to save many lives by quickly, accurately, analyzing the drastic situation.

What did she do? First, she first went into the cockpit of the aircraft to get the flight crew out safely. Then, she told other crew members to get knives and axes to release the mechanisms that deployed inflated chutes so the surviving passengers got the hell out of that plane wreck.

Several passengers followed her orders and got the hell out on their own.

Others, who could not get out unassisted, were carried out by this woman, one by one onto the runway to safety.

What makes her a heroine? The fact that she risked her own life in saving others' lives and was the last one to leave that burning aircraft, AND the fact that she does not want to be called a hero.

She is of Korean descent and through a translator explained that there is no word for "Hero" in Korean culture.

Well, Lee Yoon Hye, here in America, we do define acts of heroism by what you did and the lives you saved and I'm sure many folks are grateful for

PIGsters, remember her name, Lee Yoon Hye. One hell of a go to gal.

Hero of the Year: Temar Boggs is a 15 year old lad who had the right stuff, when a 5 year old wenchlet needed his help.

Temar Boggs, of Lancaster Township, said he had a feeling he would find the little girl after he and his pals saw a search underway. "We got all of our friends to go look for her," Boggs, 15, told LancasterOnline.com. "We made our own little search party.

Boggs was with his friends when he noticed a large police presence in the neighborhood. He and his friends reportedly joined the search on their bikes, riding around the area looking for the child.

At about 6:48 p.m., the suspect pushed the girl from his vehicle after Boggs and another boy saw the child in his car and chased him through the neighborhood.

"She runs to my arms and said, 'I need to see my mommy,' " Boggs told the newspaper. (Fox)

You're a hero dude, and We the PIGs salute you.

Pistol Packin' Mama of the Year: Twice, within one 4-month period, Betty Collins won our Second Amendment Heroine award. Here's description of the first incident:

A home invader who met Ms. Collins as he tried to kick in the front door of her home. At about five in the morning, 31-year old Kyle Caldwell began kicking at the front door of Ms. Collins home in an attempt to break in. Betty, who was already awake and wary thanks to a call from her boyfriend about a suspicious man down the block, was waiting with her .357 Magnum at the ready. After a few unsuccessful kicks, Betty yelled for the attacker to leave because she had a gun and it was loaded. He didn't heed her advice. Finally, Ms. Collins opened the door herself and the intruder found himself inches from the barrel of the loaded .357.

Once he realized the danger he was in, the man did exactly as ordered. He laid down on his face and waited for police to arrive. [Eagle Rising]

Four months later, the second incident started, when Betty heard someone fussing with the chains that secured the bikes stored on the front porch. When she went to investigate, she came face to face with the thief - Thomas Johnson. When Betty told him GTFO, the punk ignored her. He got very attentive, when she returned with her firearm.

Once again, Betty ordered a thief to hit the deck and stay there. Once again, a thief complied, staying there until the cops arrived to bag, tag, and drag him to a graybar hotel suite

Candidate of the Year: Our hero's name is Dave Wilson. He has Ethnocrats in Houston (Mexas) setting their hair on fire, after he beat a long term incumbent for a seat on the board running the Houston Community College System. So why the fuss? Why indeed.

Dave is a white, conservative, Republican, so how did he win in a district populated by black, liberal, Demoncrats. Through cleverly crafted campaign which gave low information voters a false impression..

[Dave] came up with an idea, an advertising strategy that his opponent found "disgusting." If a white guy didn't have a chance in a mostly African-American district, Wilson would lead voters to think he's black.

And it apparently worked. In one of the biggest political upsets in Houston politics this election season, Wilson -- an anti-gay activist and former fringe candidate for mayor -- emerged as the surprise winner over 24-year incumbent Bruce Austin. His razor thin margin of victory, only 26 votes, was almost certainly influenced by his racially tinged campaign.

"Every time a politician talks, he's out there deceiving voters," he says.

Wilson, a gleeful political troublemaker, printed direct mail pieces strongly implying that he's black. His fliers were decorated with photographs of smiling African-American faces -- which he readily admits he just lifted off websites -- and captioned with the words "Please vote for our friend and neighbor Dave Wilson."

One of his mailers said he was "Endorsed by Ron Wilson," which longtime Houston voters might easily interpret as a statement of support from a former state representative of the same name who's also African-American. Fine print beneath the headline says "Ron Wilson and Dave Wilson are cousins," a reference to one of Wilson's relatives living in Iowa.

"He's a nice cousin," Wilson says, suppressing a laugh. "We played baseball in high school together. And he's endorsed me."

Dave Wilson says he was having fun in a campaign he couldn't win. Bruce Austin shared Dave's assessment of the campaign which explains why he was so slow in responding to Dave's antics.

For good or ill, these award recipients stood out from the crowd.

Brass Nads Award: Our hero's name is Thomas Lowe. He's a Minnesota based shyster who just had his ticket pulled by the state's supreme court. He'll need to find some other way to support himself for the next 15 months. Why? Why indeed.

It's not breaking news when a shyster screws over a client. It's still not 'stop the presses' time, if a shyster gets horizontal and squishy with a client. It is, however, when Tommy boy bones his female client, then charges her for his stud services:

PIG's Badge Packing Rip Van Winkles of the Year: In addition to working banker's hours, Detroit's police department, has a very short attention span. How short? Very, because a prisoner, Rocky Marquez, walked right out the door, and it took the cops 5 days to notice that he was gone.

The escape strategy was simplicity itself. He borrowed the ID wristband of an inmate who had just made bail and walked out of jail, unimpeded. How did he know it would work? Rocky pulled the same stunt in Phoenix, 8 months ago.

Bullshit Maestro of the Year Award: Hailing from Apore, Goiás, Brazil, Toll Taker Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, took relentlessly horny bastard to a whole new level when he convinced certain low information members of his congregation that his schlong had been 'consecrated with "divine semen of the Holy Spirit."' How, exactly did he manage that? How indeed:

'He had an encounter with Jesus in a brothel and gave him the mission of spreading the sacred semen throughout the state, beginning with the faithful Apore Assembly, of which he is responsible'.

And, how, you ask, did he spread his sanctified swimmers?

A 23-year-old young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous said, "He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth."

"Often, after worship, Pastor Valdecir take us to some of the funds back to the church and asked us to do oral sex on him until the Holy Spirit comes through ejaculation".

Holy HUMMERS, Batman!

Celebrity Brain Fart of the Year: Michael Jackson's brother, Jermaine, decided to formally change his name. Citing unspecified 'artistic reasons' he got a judge to give it his okey dokey.

Old name: Jermaine Jackson

New name: Jermaine Jacksun

Zero Tolerance Zombies of the Year:

Location: Park Elementary School (Maryland)

Perpetrator: A 7 year old second grader named Josh Welch.

Infraction: While eating a strawberry tart, he tried to make it look like a mountain. It didn't work out as planned:

"All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but, it didn't look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun [kind of]," Josh told the station.

Josh, who suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, said his teacher was visibly mad when she saw that the pastry looked like a gun, according to the report. ( Fox affiliate)

Punishment: 2-day suspension.

Rude Awakening of the Year: Around midnight a strange sound woke up 70 year old Ralph Wald. The unknown sound was the noise of a 32 year old man (Walter Conley) humping Ralph's 41 year old wife Johnna Flores on the livingroom floor.

Differently thrilled, Ralph fetched his .38 revolver then put his wife's lover out of his misery with two shots - one in the gut, the other in the head.

It took the Flori-DUH jury 2 hours to find Ralph 'not guilty'. And what does his horny bride have to say for herself:

Flores, the surviving central actor in the episode besides Wald, testified she was "black-out" drunk the night of the shooting after consuming a large quantity of cognac and remembered almost nothing. (Tampa Bay Tribune)

Good answer.

Rabid Moonbat of the Year: Congressman Jim McDermott

Magic Moonbat Moment: Rep. Jim McDermott penned a letter to FBI Director Robert Mueller Wednesday claiming a Joint Terrorism Task Force 'Faces of Global Terrorism' ad is racist.

McDermott, a Democrat from Washington state, voiced his "deep concern" about the ad, which shows mug shots of international terrorists, and asked the FBI chief to "reconsider publicizing" it.

According to McDermott, the "ad featuring sixteen photos of wanted terrorists is not only offensive to Muslims and ethnic minorities, but it encourages racial and religious profiling."

McDermott continued, "Representing terrorists, however, from only one ethnic or religious group, promotes stereotypes and ignores other forms of extremism. The FBI's 'Most Wanted Terrorists List' includes individuals of other races and associated with other religions and causes, but their faces are missing from this campaign."

Prank of the Year: Bay Area boob tube outlet KTVU aced this one with its infamous broadcast of the names of the pilots aboard Asiana Flight 214.

The mistake? KTVU told viewers the names of the pilots onboard the crashed plane were "Sum Ting Wong," "Wi Tu Lo," "Ho Lee Fuk" and "Bang Ding Ow", names that were obviously fake and racially offensive.

Newsreader Tori Campbell didn't even bat an eyelid as she read out the names in a serious tone.

Minutes later, the channel realised it had fallen for a prank. The producer in charge of the San Francisco show, Brad Belstock, simply tweeted: "oh s***." His Twitter profile then disappeared.

The channel apologised for the error, telling viewers: "Earlier in the newscast we gave some names of pilots involved in the Asiana Airlines crash. These names were not accurate despite an NTSB official in Washington confirming them late this morning. We apologise for the error." [Stuff.co]

Somewhere in America a smug prankster is still laughing. Whoever you are, we salute you.

Tryst of the Year: Our prime mover is a Utah man named TJ Brewer, who is, among other things a 12 year veteran in the Moab Sheriff's Department. Also appearing are TJ's dad Corky, the 'respected' fire chief in Moab, plus TJ's fetching bride, Logan.

After dinner, the adult beverage fueled fun hit high gear. First wifey headed upstairs, to put one of their tykes to bed. Next, dad disappeared, so TJ went looking for them. He found them in his son's bed. Wifey was on top of her father in law humping the snot out of him. You'll be shocked to learn that TJ wasn't thrilled spitless to find his wife servicing his dad with considerable enthusiasm. If he watched Japanese porn, he'd have seen this father in law humps daughter in law tryst coming.

Logan told officers her husband beat his father, then left the bedroom and returned with a handgun he had just loaded.

'She stated TJ hit her, backhanded her, and pointed a handgun at her face,' an officer wrote. 'She believed he was going to shoot her.' (Daily Mail)

Somehow, wifey escaped to the relative safety of her parents' home. Equally elusive, papa Corky returned home, where he began searching for his gun. Shootout at the TJ corral? Nope, dad wanted to off himself. His wife hid the gun, so dad grabbed a knife and stabbed himself, puncturing his lung and slicing up his liver. Game, set, match? Nope.

Dad's wife, Cindy, pulled out the knife and got her man to Moab Regional Hospital. Not wired for 'let bygones be bygones', an enraged, armed, and dangerously drunk, TJ went to the hospital to finish the job.

TPM reports the sheriff's deputy went to the hospital to 'kill' his father, and was initially confronted by his uncle, Curt Brewer, who is also a sheriff's deputy, in the parking lot.

When police arrived, intoxicated TJ was not wearing a shirt or shoes and 'stated several times that he wanted to kill his dad, that he wanted his gun to 'finish the job'.' Police wrote in their report: 'TJ made numerous remarks to each officer and deputy that arrived, about all of us being stupid, dumb asses, and at one point stated we needed to call someone with a brain to come and talk with him.' Deseret News also reported that TJ, who worked in the narcotics unit of the sheriff's office, allegedly hit an officer.

He's out on bail, but on a very short leash: no drinking; no contact with dad or wifey; supervised visits with his kids. It's for the best, because a family reunion would be, at minimum, awkward.

Daring Rescue of the Week: It takes a special kind of courage to make a man run into a burning building. When his Columbus (Georgia) house caught fire, Walter Serpit made sure the inhabitants - 6 adults, 2 tykes - got out. Then, he went back inside, for something important. What was it? A beloved pet? A treasured possession? A family heirloom? None of the above.

After the children were rescued and everyone made it outside safely, Walter Serpit told WVTM television that he went back inside to retrieve his beer. He said he went back inside "like a dummy" and the door shut behind him. He said he was able to escape without being burned and managed to save several cans of beer. [Fox]

You're our kind of guy Walter.

This next group distinguished themselves, again, for good or ill, but didn't achieve the infamy of ourprior group.

Disguise of the Year: Our hero is a 23 year old Louisiana lame brain named Richard Boudreaux. Feeling nostalgic, Dickwad painted a 'ripe for plucking' bull's-eye on his former employer, Kenny's Seafood. Enrichment? We'll see.

He didn't remember 'it', until he got to the target of his larceny. 'It' was essential, since he knew the eatery has security cameras, so he had to replace the missing element - a disguise. What to do? What indeed.

Snatching up a bucket, he put it on his head, then rummaged around inside the business, looking for some money. The bucket worked, sort of, but it impeded his vision, so he had to partially remove it, exposing himself to the cameras. His former employer had no trouble identifying him.

Crimestopping Hero of the Year: For a pair of Mexifornia desperados, Gabriel Gonzalez and Jeremy Lovitt, the Stockton (Mexifornia) Burger King looked like easy pickings. The caper went smoothly, up to a point...

Step 1: Leave the getaway car next to the eatery, with the motor running? Check.

Step 2: Go inside with guns drawn, demand a cash infusion to go from the cashier? Check.

Step 3: Take the money and run outside for a quick getaway? Check.

Thanks to an alert Burger King minion, the speedy getaway part hit a speed bump, when the pair discovered their car MIA. The tried to escape on foot, but didn't get far.

What happened? While the desperados were plying their trade inside the eatery, a Burger King employee slipped out the back door, jumped into the 'motor running' getaway ride, then moved it around the corner and out of sight. Nicely done, fast food wrangler Sparky.

Human Gene Pool Improvement Volunteer of The Year: Old enough to know better, at age 52, Richard Jones learned, the hard way, that there are limits on Old Ka-Boom's fools and drunks exemption. The essential fact about this Rowan County (Kentucky) dude is that he needs an oxygen tank to assist his breathing.

He achieved room temperature this week, when he, lit up a cancer stick near his oxygen tank and BOOM, he blew himself to the afterlife. As fun as that sounds, it gets better. It's not the first time he blew up his oxygen tank. It's not the second, or the third. It's the fourth. Apparently three is Old Ka-Boom's limit.

Customer Complaint of the Year: As described by the provider, the merchandise seemed of satisfactory quality and fit for the buyer's purpose. That assessment changed when buyer and seller met in a car park to conclude the transaction. That's when our buyer - henceforth 'John' - decided that the hooker was not as pretty as she'd claimed. From that point it got ugly.

John called the cops to complain that the hooker had violated the Sale of Goods Act, which mandates that goods or service are 'of satisfactory quality and fit for purpose'.John refused to identify himself, but they tracked him down, then sent him a 'don't do that again' warning letter.

Domestic Dispute of the Year: When a husband found out what his wife had done, he was outraged. Unwilling to forgive, and unable to forget, he could only see one thing to do. Faced with the horrendous nature of her vile behavior, he knew divorce was his best option. Why? Why indeed.

Did she empty their bank accounts? Nope. Did she wreck their car and hide it from him? Nope. Did she have an affair or one night stand with another man? Nope. Did he catch her in bed with another woman? Nope. Is the great dane next door humping her? Nope. Is she strutting her stuff at the local stip club? Nope.

She did something much worse. She opened a box of Oreos then ate the cream filling off every one of the cookies. When hubby opened the box only the dry chocolate cookies remained.

Road Warrior of the Year: For some strange reason, police in South Australia black flagged our hero. Maybe you can solve this mystery.

His car had two flat tires. He been involved in a crash and didn't stop to face the music. He tested positive for drugs and alcohol. His license had been revoked. His ride wasn't registered. His ride wasn't insured.

Last, but not least, his ride didn't have a steering wheel, so he replaced it with vice grip pliers. I'm stumped, how about you?

Excuse of The Year: Our hero, Alexander Kinzel, who hails from Illinois, is an inmate at the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences in Iowa City. He made a vivid impression, this week, at a local watering hole, Bo-James. That's where he got roaring drunk, got into a fight, then evicted by the watering hole's minions.

Shirtless and covered in blood, when the cops found him he racked up a .248 which is three times the legal driving limit on the dunk-o-meter. When he was given the thrilling - you're drunk - news, our hero unleashed his award winning excuse: "Of course I'm drunk. It's Thursday night in Iowa City."

Korrectnik Brainfart of the Year: From the fevered brains that pooped out sports with no winner, no scorekeeping, and trophies for everyone, I give you the 'Tug of Peace':

Tug of war was a suitable game for the old America, that had not yet been fundamentally transformed into a land of unadulterated moonbattery. Now we have tug of peace:

Participants group themselves around a rope that has been tied in a knot to form a circle. Players squat down around the rope, holding the rope with both hands. At the count of three, all players lean back and-using the energy of the group-they stand up. When everyone has stood up (and cheered), players can, on the count of three again, carefully lean back into a squat.

In this game, the counterbalance support that players provide to one another is a graphic representation of mutual support and cooperation. It's a totally different experience than Tug-of-War, which can be a painful exercise that activates aggression and leaves players in the dirt. . [Moonbattery]

Tug of Peace? Stick it!

Rumor of the Year: Gennifer Flowers launched this one, in an interview with the London Daily Mail.

When rumours surfaced recently of an affair between Hillary Clinton and her transition office chief, Huma Abedin, 37, Gennifer was not surprised.

The rumours concerning Huma, wife of disgraced former Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, 49, emerged as she stood by her husband in the wake of his recent 'sexting' scandal.

<snip>

Gennifer said: 'I don't know Huma or the Weiners. I just know what Bill told me and that was that he was aware that Hillary was bisexual and he didn't care. He should know.

'He said Hillary had eaten more pussy than he had.'

Quick Hits.

Rigged Election of the Century: Since his family has ruled in Azerbaijn for 4 decades, President Ilham Aliyev can't be expected to take elections very seriously. His blase attitude seems to be contagious. In fact, members of the country's Central Election Commission were so eager to put an election behind them, that they posted the results of a Wednesday election on Tuesday, 24 hours before a single vote had been cast.

Typo of the Year: It's not breaking news when someone perpetrates a typo. It's barely noteworthy, when the typo is on an organization's special issue medallion that marks an important milestone in the group's history. It reaches critical mass, when the organization is the Vatican and the typo involves misspelling the name 'Jesus'.

Lesus? Don't know him, but I'll take their word that he's nifty guy.

Whopper of the Year: A group of male primary school teachers in Zambia are threatening to quit if conditions at the school don't improve. What conditions? A wave of sexual assaults by - drum roll - invisible witches. That's right invisible, relentlessly horny witches.

Devilish Detail of the Year: While some Cross Cultist have religious 'issues' with the History Channel's critically acclaimed 'Bible' mini series, secular whiners have their own complaint. Why, they demand, does the Devil in this mini series look like Barry?

Insane Korrectnik Notion of the Year: Eager to make police work impossibly complex, New York's city council is fast-tracking an edict which will ban the police from using any of the following factors when describing or identifying a suspect: age, color/ethnicity, gender, age, or disability. Why? Using such descriptors would be 'profiling'.