KULTURE: SOCIETY | WELCOME TO PIG'S PEN...
PENITENTARY, THAT IS

"...Don't Do The Crime
If You Can't Do The Time..."
— Baretta Theme Song

Welcome, loyal inmates to PIG's Penitentiary and Rogues Gallery page. Here, in light of Mel "Make Mine A Double, Jew Bastard" Gibson's arrest, we thought we would spotlight some noted celebrities that found themselves booked, fingerprinted and saying cheese for the Man's camera prior to spending a little time at the 'Ol Graybar. At first, some members of the PIG staff were reluctant to wallow in the muck and mire of celebrity injustice, but, after getting over their notions of piling on they got the big picture. Holding the rich, famous and connected up to public ridicule, is, we all decided, big time PIGish fun.

At best, celebrity injustice boils down to the Orwellian axiom: Some are more equal than others. In a rational world, a justice system adjudicates each case against the same, unwavering standard. That's why Lady Justice wears a blindfold. PIG is more than a tad annoyed that this blindfold "slips" and all too often Lady Justice gets "star struck". Instead of the mandated penalty, the celebrity gets a wrist slap. In the real world, the matter ends there, but here in the PIG Zone, we're willing to boldly go where others fear to tread.

Just for the fun of it, and eager to kick the rich, famous and connected while they're down, PIG decided to run certain high profile "celebrity" cases past the Chief Justice of PIG's Supreme Court of The Buck Stops Here, Sparky, the Honorable Samuel "Off With His Head" Swinestein. At our behest, after a suitable infusion of adult beverage, Judge Swinestein agreed to 'rehear' certain famous cases and pronounce judgement. The cornerstone of PIGish justice is "let the punishment fit the crime".

So listen up, you prima donnas, divas, pretty boy, crack-pipe sucking, booze guzzling, cop slapping, revolving door rehab repeating, spoiled brat, my shit don't stink Hollywood hollow heads. If, when your mug gets splattered across front pages from sea to shining sea, and beyond, broadcast on every boob tube from here to the Ubangi in a negative light, YOU are the one's who put your reputation and career on the line when you did what you did.

And what really chaps our hides is that in most cases, you not only get a slap on the wrist, but your legal run-ins can actually enhance your career marketabilty, unlike the rest of us Joe Six-Packs out here in the real world, who usually get the book thrown at us.

 
GO TO JAIL. GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO! CALL YOUR AGENT...STAT!
 
 
MEL GIBSON or MAD MAX
PUBLIC
MEL GIBSON
CUSTODY
  Commentary: Call us crazy, but Gibson's mugshot makes him look better than his public photo.  
 
YASMIN BLEETH
PUBLIC
YASMIN BLEETH
CUSTODY
  Commentary: Holy crap, Yasmin! You got coked up and plunged from hotness to horror in record time.  
 
GLEN CAMPBELL
PUBLIC
GLEN CAMPBELL
CUSTODY
 
Commentary: Is it just us, or does the Wine-Soaked Cowboy look a tad cheesed off? Get a grip, Glen you got drunk then played hit and run.
 
 
TAWNEY KITEAN
PUBLIC
TAWNEY KITEAN
CUSTODY
 
Commentary: Tawney stomped Chuck Finley's butt and she can kick yours. Approach with extreme caution.
 
 
NICK NOLTE
PUBLIC
NICK NOLTE - DOWN & OUT
IN CUSTODY
 
Commentary: I swear this is the scumbag who tried to hussle me for some spare change while I was waiting for the light to change on the offramp. I know it's him because I recognize the suit in the left hand photo.
 
 
PAUL REUBENS
PUBLIC
PAUL REUBENS
CUSTODY
 
Commentary: Paul got caught airing out his Pee Wee Herman in a movie theater. Next time rent a room and pay for the porn channel, dude.
 
 
JAMES BROWN
PUBLIC
JAMES BROWN
CUSTODY
 
Commentary: James, dude do everyone a favor. Get a haircut and a shave and buy yourself a damn shirt. Oh, and stop using your lady for a punching bag.
 
 
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
PUBLIC
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
CUSTODY
 
Commentary: It's hard to believe that this drugged out dolt ever had a heavy duty movie star career. Look up "loser" in your Websters and you'll find this clown's picture
 
 
MICHAEL JACKSON
PUBLIC
MICHAEL JACKSON
CUSTODY
 
Commentary: Who the hell is this honky? Fess up, PIG and tell us what you did with the real Mikey. This is that pervert who flimflammed an O.J. jury into letting him off the hook for being a career pedophile. Nice try PIG punks, now show us the real Mikey.
 
 
 
 
© Copyright 1993-2016 PIG - The Politically Incorrect Gazette


 
 
 

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