There are certain adages which seem to have a distinctly AMERICAN ring to them. Right off the tops of our pointed little heads, we can think of several:
Sink or swim (Do or die)
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.
All three embody core American traits such as individual initiative, determination, a willingness to learn from our mistakes, and the virtues of reaping capitalism’s rewards.
These adages, and the American traits they embody, produced such noteworthy American achievements as the Wright Brothers aircraft, Thomas Edison’s light bulb, Henry Ford’s assembly line, Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone, and Bill Gates’ computer operating system. None of these men were ‘overnight’ sensations. None of them crossed the finish line without stumbling, countless times, along the way. PIG calls them ‘a Swimmer’.
Swimmer: An individual, idea or product which appears out of nowhere and not only survives, but beats the daunting odds to succeed beyond all expectations. Swimmers shrug off ridicule, take the setbacks in stride, and make the nay sayers eat their words.
By and large, Swimmers are those individuals who aren't afraid to fail. They believe in themselves, their idea/invention, and are willing to pick themselves up, again and again, until they get it right. Another character trait that's found in Swimmers is a willingness to swim against the tide. Most of the great advances were achieved by some pig-headed fool who refused to follow the herd's 'conventional wisdom'. Swimmers built this nation. Swimmers are America’s backbone. Without them, we’re doomed.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have those individuals, ideas, or products which, despite certain inherent advantages, never live up to their potential: Sinkers. Sinkers, invariably, disappear beneath the waves, never to be seen again. A Sinker is that Heisman Trophy winner who gets that fat contract, then does the athletic equivalent of ‘Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’.
Sinker: An individual, idea, or product that does a self-destructive swan dive into oblivion, despite its inherent excellence, advantages and financial muscle. Like a Swimmer, a Sinker has an inherent stubborn streak, but it’s a malignant, “my way or the highway” pigheadedness that can’t, and won’t, learn from its mistakes.
In home entertainment technology, Sony’s Betamax video tape recorder is a prime example of a technological Sinker. Ironically, it had all the right stuff to be a Swimmer, but it failed anyway. Why? It’s the dark underbelly of the mousetrap adage. The adage is right, as far as it goes, but it neglects 'the rest of the story'. Yes, that better mousetrap will attract a lot of potential buyers, but you won't sell many of them if you've got your head up your ass when it comes to marketing the damn thing.
Sony made all the necessary moves to turn a Swimmer into a Sinker with the Betamax. The picture quality was superior, as was the engineering, but Sony insisted on being the exclusive provider of the hardware. That's why an inferior image encoding system, VHS, ended up killing off Betamax. The company behind VHS allowed numerous companies to buy a license to manufacture VHS video tape machines. In due course, VHS VCRs dominated the market, killing off the still superior Sony product. Sony itself turned their Swimmer into a Sinker.
Unlike the polarized alleged thinking that makes America such a pain in the butt these days, the Free State of PIG is willing to serve up a third, essential category. We call this one Floaters. If that sounds confusing, get over it.
If you think of Swimmers as ‘Winners’ and Sinkers as ‘Losers’ then Floaters are what you might call ‘Survivors’. A Floater is someone like Lamar Odom of the L.A. Lakers. His natural talents should make him a Swimmer, but his on again/off again performance on the court is just enough to keep you from dumping him like a bad habit.
Floater: Floater is a term coined by American satirist, P.J. O'Rourke when he attended a family gathering, went to the restroom, and noticed, somebody didn't flush twice. For O'Rourke, a Floater refers to a turd that, despite circling the damn drain, refuses to go away. If scatological references don’t make your day, we feel your pain. A Floater is an individual, idea, or invention, that has too much inherent worth (buoyancy) to sink, but lacks the necessary impetus to swim. If that's not clear enough, try 'underachiever' on for size.
In the world of technology, the ultimate Floater is the Machintosh. Apple's operating system runs circles around Win-DOZE. Their hardware is nimble and well designed, but, since Apple insists on maintaining a monopoly on the hardware, Apple has condemned itself to a DISTANT second behind Win-DOZE based machines. Apple is proof that there are times when a superior product - excellence - isn't enough.
We hear what you’re shouting and we agree. What, you demand, does any of this have to do with the price of refried beans in Oxnard? Not much, but we can make it PIG-worthy, if that’s what you want. Get ready to be thrilled, PIGsters.
The marketplace is the arena where ideas, individuals, and inventions are tested, submitted for John and Jane Q. Public’s approval, then affixed with the relevant label: Swimmer, Sinker, Floater. Individuals and companies, make their case, then sovereign individuals cast their ‘votes’ when they reach for their wallet. It’s called capitalism and that’s the way it is supposed to work. It’s supposed to work that way, but, too often, it doesn’t, because the Nanny State insists on exceeding its constitutional authority.
Despite giving lip service to ‘diversity’, the Nanny State actually prefers imposing a ‘sameness’. Swimmers cause too many problems, because they’re too smart, too successful, and too damn willing to tell the Nanny State to ‘back off’. Sinkers are equally problematic because they’ve been preconditioned to whine until somebody gives in to their demands.
For the Nanny State, perfection is a nation - a world - comprised entirely of Floaters. They aren’t energetic enough to cause problems and have just enough of the essentials to keep them quiet.
Using a mixture of coercion, confiscation, and redistribution, the Nanny State is beavering away to turn everyone - Swimmers and Sinkers alike - into Floaters. A few examples will show you how it works.
Government Schools: Fast learners - brainiacs - are no longer given the advanced learning opportunities necessary for these budding Swimmers. Instead, they are weighed down by making them sit in classes with clueless morons, snuffing out their inherent urge to swim. Dullards, and those too damn lazy to crack a book, are equipped with educational life jackets called social promotion. The result is that everyone in the cess-school is turned into a Floater.
Alternative energy: Asinine ideas that thrill the stink off tree huggers are equipped with 'life jackets' via funds from the federal treasury. Proven ideas - Swimmers - like nuclear power plants, refineries and putting known oil reserves into production are weighed down with unrelenting federal interference. The result is that every energy option, asinine or proven, becomes a Floater.
Taxes: This is the Nanny State’s heavy artillery, when it comes to a nation of Floaters. Swimmers are systematically looted, during their lives, then plucked clean via death taxes after they die. They’re weighed down by taxes and regulations, until they lack the energy to keep swimming. Sinkers are fitted with a transfer of wealth life jacket that gives them just enough for the bare essentials. The result of this social engineering is a nation of Floaters, who are too weighed down to swim and just buoyant enough to keep from sinking.
A nation of Floaters might sound like heaven on Earth to George Soros, Messiah Barry and all the Statists infesting the halls of government, but it’s utterly and completely unAmerican, in the extreme. Floaters didn’t make a dangerous ocean passage to colonize an ‘untamed’ continent. Floaters didn’t take on the most powerful nation in the world to create a new kind of nation where ‘we the people’ reign supreme. Floaters didn’t transform our daily lives with the electric light, the telephone, and a power grid that energizes every home. Floaters didn't devise a way to mass produce automobiles and make them affordable for every American. Floaters didn’t free us from the bounds of Earth via the airplane. Floaters didn’t take men to the moon. Floaters didn’t give us the tools to peer into the early moments of the universe and help us solve many of its mysteries. Floaters were just tagging along for the ride.
America deserves better than a nation of Floaters. America needs individuals who shake off that Sinker stinker that spoiled all those glorious plans. America needs individuals who won’t take that Sinker stinker failure as life’s final answer. America needs individuals who won’t settle for a ‘just enough to get by’ existence as a Floater. America needs individuals who keep practicing their stroke until they have the energy to be a Swimmer.
We’ll close with another adage that seems fitting as the ‘final answer’ of this week’s PIGish seminar: "Be all you can be".
This Free State of PIG seminar is over, so why are you still sitting there, bump on a log, Sparky?
Dismissed!
