Girlieman of the Year 2007
Date Awarded: December 28, 2007

American readers will need to know that "Remembrance Day" is the Brit equivalent of our Veteran’s Day. Are we all clear on that, Yankee Doodle Dandy Sparky? The fat landed in the fire when, after taking part in the Remembrance Day parade, Lieutenant Daniel Lenherr decided to do some shopping at a Brit outpost of capitalism called Harrods. Looking very snappy in his uniform, the 26 year old member of the 1st Royal Horse Artillery was stunned when the security punk at Harrods refused to allow Lt. Lenherr to enter because his uniform violated a long-standing Harrods dress code. Lt. Lenherr’s uniform was not the mandated civilian attire and thus was uncool for Harrods. The reason? You’re going to love it:

"A lot of people assume that somebody in uniform is either there on official duty, which could cause them alarm, or they assume they're a member of staff and ask them where the lavatories are and so on." (Harrods’ management)

Out-goddamn-rageous. For denigrating the uniform wearing men in women who put their lives on the line to preserve their liberty...for daring to take a crap on the British military on Remembrance Day of all days...for refusing to apologize for denigrating the honored dead who died in the service of England...for being gutless cowards who hide behind a lame excuse like "the uniform might scare the customers" the ungrateful rat bastards running Harrods are PIG’s Girliemen of the Week.

Here we go again...A Donkey Clan hack on the losing end of an election tally is mounting a legal challenge to "investigate" last Tuesday’s results in Florida’s 24th Congressional District. Channeling his inner Al Gore, Clint Curtis is convinced that "he was robbed" in some dastardly plot by those damn pachyderm punks. Why is he so convinced that he was Al Gored out of his rightful place inside the D.C. Beltway? You’re going to love it: "In this election, the results did not match the Zogby pre-election poll, our internal VoteNow2006.net polling or our exit polling."

It’s no accident that Clint Curtis is pursuing an investigation. Why? He spent the last 5 years working "to correct issues in America’s broken election system". Inaccurate election polls? We’re shocked, shocked I tell you. We’re shocked because the dude lost big: Tom Feeney got 58% (123,557), Clint the Whiner got 42% (89,672). PIG has some advice for Clint: shut up, sit down and try to grow a pair dude.

For being a sore loser...for going Al Gore with his delusions of dastardly Elephant Clan plots to cheat him out of his turn at the Capitol Hill pork barrel trough, Clint "The Whiner" Curtis is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week.

It started the way things usually do when the Israeli army tries to deal with the Islamikaze bastards who infest Gaza. The Israeli forces surrounded a Gaza blight named Beit Hanoun after the religion of peace pinheads in that blight showered Israel with a "hello there Zionist scum" rocket barrage. The moment they were faced with some armed Israelis who would damn sure shoot back, the Hamas scumbags scurried into a local Mosque where they cowered while the Israeli forces surrounded it. Unable to escape, the Hamas heroes whined for their women to come save them. When the angry women tried to get past the Israeli forces, somebody (the smart money is on the Hamas scumbags) started shooting, wounding several women and killing two others. During the ensuing confusion the heroic Hamas rat bastards - cowards who were too gutless to fight their own battle when face to face with their enemy - fled like the loathsome, murdering swine that they are.

PIGster Bryan W. who sent us this nomination, cites the following Hamas qualifications for girliemen of the week:

Hiding in a mosque and refusing to come out and fight the Israeli army face-to-face. What else do you expect from a bunch of cowardly terrorists? Yes, they would probably lose their lives in the process, but at least they would have shown they had some ‘nads’.

Calling on their women to come and protect them.

Using their women as human shields as they (Hamas) finally get up the courage to finally fire on the Israeli.

Dressing as their women to slip through the crowd to make their getaway.

We’re fully convinced Bryan and we thank you for helping us out by naming these cringing, panty-wearing, Hamas sons-of-bitches as PIG’s nadless Girliemen of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: November 3, 2006

Girlieman: John "Flip-Flop" Kerry
Girlie Antics: Gutless inability to apologize.

John "Flip-Flop" Kerry emerged from his prolonged slumber, Monday, with a slip of the tongue that has every VRWC Kool-Aid drinking piling on like there’s no tomorrow. I can’t blame them because only a monumental ass - pardon my French - of "Flip-Flops" caliber would eschew "stepping" in it because he wanted to "wallow" in it. Here’s what he said - on a live microphone: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, if you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, uh, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.” Nice move, ace.

When the bovine excrement hit the proverbial cooling device with a resounding "splat", Kerry started his legendary Flip-Flopping. "I didn’t say what they claim I said, so I’m not apologizing", his first non-apology blithered. When that didn’t fly, he went for something like this: "Okay, maybe I did say what I didn’t say, but I was obviously talking about George W. Bush". That didn’t work either, so he tried something like this, "Okay, maybe I did say what I didn’t say. And, maybe I wasn’t talking about Bush when I wasn’t saying what I said. Besides, when I wasn’t saying what I said and I was or wasn’t talking about Bush, everyone should know it’s a joke that didn’t work. I’m still not apologizing. It’s all Bush’s fault, so he’s the one who owes the troops an apology."

By Tuesday night he appeared to be getting his lies straight, finally. This version gets the "I guess I really did say what I said" part straight, but the last thing I heard, he was staying with the "Joke about Bush that didn’t work" canard. That’s an interesting story, Flip-Flop, but it might have worked better if, you actually dropped George W. Bush’s name into your pontificating at Mexifornia’s Pasadena Community College.

Wednesday found a still unapologetic John Kerry continuing to violate rule number one of crisis management: If you’re already stuck in the hole STOP DIGGING, DUMBASS. The more he explains, the worse it gets. Imus said it all on Wednesday morning: "Shut up, go home and ride your bike." Fortunately, for those of us who love watching a pompous ass like Kerry twist in the wind, Flip-Flop didn’t take that excellent advice. He is, we’re learning after listening to him try to dig a deeper hole, incapable of going on camera and issuing a straightforward apology for what he said. The more he explains...the more he say’s "I’m kinda sorry, but not really, because, I really meant to slam Bush"...the more he opens his mouth on this subject, the deeper that hole gets. Keep digging, John, you’ll probably like it when you get to China.

For lacking the spine to simply apologize for a slip of the tongue...for compounding his slip of the tongue with bluster, and a series of increasingly irrational "explanations"...for trying to find someone, anyone else to blame...for lacking the guts to issue his alleged apology in person...for being an arrogant rat bastard who wouldn’t know the truth if it fell on him, John "Flip-Flop" Kerry is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: October 27, 2006

Girliemen: Greater Manchester Police Management
Girlie Antics: Egregious Islamikaze Coddling

The gutless morons running the Greater Manchester Police (GMP) issued a non-negotiable edict to its officers in certain patrol areas that gave Islamikaze lawbreakersa free "you can’t arrest me" pass. Under this Korrectnik edict, if an officer has a warrant for a certain Islamikaze, they are banned from "planned arrests" at prayer times during Ramadan. This edict targeted officers who patrol such known Islamikaze infestations as Moss Side, Hulme, Whalley Range, Rusholme, Fallowfield, Ardwick, Longsight, Gorton and Levenshulme.

After the GMP e-mail to its officers caused some utterly predictable rumblings, near and far, the GMP went girlie and furtive with this prose:

"The primary objective of Greater Manchester Police is to fight crime and protect people. The month of Ramadan is an important time of the year for members of the Muslim community throughout the world. It is important that normal, planned policing activities and operations are maintained, while ensuring that officers are professional and respectful to members of the community while going about their duties." (Manchester Evening News)

In other words, do your duty, but don’t do your duty if it gives hypersensitive Islamikazes a boo-boo by arresting them at prayer time. Yeah, right dudes, that cleared it all up nicely. For being gutless enough to even consider this arrest ban at prayer time...for being nadless, Islamikaze phobic pinheads, the Greater Manchester Police department’s top dogs are PIG’s Girliemen of the Week.

[PIG thanks our Brit correspondent Andrew for bringing this award winning epic to our attention.]

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: October 20, 2006

Girlieman: Massoud Shadjareh
Girlie Antics: Had Islamikaze fit over 2012 London Olympics

Massoud Shadjareh has bigger problems than a name that’s hard to pronounce and impossible to spell. As Chairman of the London-based Islamic Human Rights Commission, he’s the first line of defense when it comes to Islamikaze hypersensitivity. Leaving nothing to chance, he’s so far ahead of his game, he has his dishrag headgear in a knot over an event that won’t take place for another 6 years: the 2012 London Olympics.

We know what you’re thinking and the answer is a provisional "no". As far as we can tell, Olympic sports are not, in and of themselves, Islamikaze uncool, "offensive to the Mecca Maniac prophet" or subject to a Mahmoud al-Gilligan tantrum. What has Massoud blubbering like a pathetic, panty-wearing bitch is the fact that the aforementioned 2012 games are scheduled to take place during that endless source of Islamikaze fun, Ramadan. This is unfair, Massoud whimpers because it puts Mecca Maniacs at a competitive disadvantage due to their requirement to fast from sunrise to sunset.

"They would not have organised this at Christmas. It is equally stupid to organise it at Ramadan. It shows a complete lack of awareness and sensitivity. This is going to disadvantage the athletes and alienate the Asian communities by saying they don't matter. It's not only going to affect the participants it's going to affect all the people who want to watch the Games. They won't want to travel during Ramadan and they won't want to watch sport. It's a spiritual time." (Daily Mail)

Fewer Mecca Maniacs traveling to the game? That sounds like a personal problem. Would it be hopelessly insensitive of me to point out that fewer Mecca Maniac attendees means a corresponding increase in Olympic Game security? Probably, but we doubt that Massoud is going to be thrilled with our assessment.

For whining about something that won’t happen for 6 more years...for demanding that the rest of the world cater to Islamikaze supernaturalism, again...for blaming a self-inflicted Mecca Maniac wound on the infidels organizing the 2012 London Games...for being a whining piece of Islamikaze crap, Massoud Shadjareh is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: October 13, 2006

Girliemen: Metropolitan Airport Commission
Girlie Antics: Spinelessly catering to Mecca Maniac whining.

If you’re going to catch a cab at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, there’s a 75% chance that your cabbie will be a Mecca Maniac. Is that cause for alarm? Not really, but it is pertinent to this week’s Girlieman of the Week award. This epic stretches back to 2000 when 16 cabbies in a row invoked their supernaturalism by refusing to pick up a fare that was carrying adult beverages. This refusal to accept a booze-packing fare requires that the cabbie return to the assigned cabbie parking lot and the end of the line where he might sit for hours, before his next chance at a paying fare comes around.

Annoyed by this "go to the back of the line, Sharia breath Sparky", the Mecca Maniac cabbies pleaded with the Metropolitan Airport Commission (MAC) to give them permission to refuse a booze packing fare, without losing their front of the line spot. Believe it or not, the gutless asshats on the MAC ran the idea up the flagpole and were thisclose to saluting it:

‘...MAC proposed a pragmatic solution: drivers unwilling to carry alcohol could get a special color light on their car roofs, signaling their views to taxi starters and customers alike. From the airport's point of view, this scheme offers a sensible and efficient mechanism to resolve a minor irritant, leaving no passenger insulted and no driver losing business. "Airport authorities are not in the business of interpreting sacred texts or dictating anyone's religious choices," [Airport spokespunk Patrick] Hogan points out. "Our goal is simply to ensure travelers at (the airport) are well served." Awaiting approval only from the airport's taxi advisory committee, the two-light proposal will likely be in operation by the end of 2006...’ (AP)

Would these cringing MAC cretins allow these Islamikaze cabbies to impose their supernaturalism on those dastardly infidels? They would, and almost did, until the story hit the news cycle with a resounding splat. In two short weeks, this Islamikaze coddling notion went from a done deal to a political hot potato that singed these gutless wonders back to what passes for sanity at MAC.

‘...After a barrage of negative feedback, they've decided to scrap the idea. "Since then, we've heard from Australia and England. It's really touched a nerve among a lot of people. The backlash, frankly, has been overwhelming," said Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport spokesman Patrick Hogan. "People are overwhelmingly against any kind of cultural accommodation."...’ (St. Paul Pioneer Press)

For being gutless enough to try and impose Sharia on every-damn-body...for seriously considering a policy that made Islamikaze cabbies more equal than their passengers and fellow - infidel - drivers...for displaying a complete lack of spine...for blatantly going with the prevailing political winds, the spineless rat bastards infesting Minneapolis-St. Paul’s Metropolitan Airport Commission are PIG’s Girliemen of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: October 6, 2006

Girlieman: Chief Supt Jamie Stephen, Scotland Yard
Girlie Antics: Allowed a Mecca Maniac officer to refuse to guard the Israeli Embassy.

The cowering rat bastard who heads Scotland Yard’s Diplomatic Protection Group, Chief Supt. Jamie Stephen, is, as far as we’re concerned, a disgrace to his uniform and unfit to serve British taxpayers one second longer. This scumbag strayed into the PIG bull’s-eye when a member of his squad, PC Alexander Omar Basha, refused to perform his assigned duties: guarding the Iraeli Embassy in London. [It’s important to note that PC Basha participated in anti-war protests that blamed the recent trouble stirred up by Hezbollah on Israel.] Instead of telling PC Basha to do the duty assigned to him or hit the goddamn road, this gutless bastard, Jamie Stephen, reassigned PC Basha to perform other duties. This Stephen asshat may not see what a cosmically crappy precedent that sets, but certain other rational adults damn sure do:

"We are expected to serve people without fear or favour. You treat them according to their needs whether you agree with their political or religious views or not. Officers should not be allowed to pick and choose where they work in this way." (A member of the Metropolitan Police Federation)

"This is the beginning of the end for British policing. If they can allow this, surely they'll have to accept a Jewish officer not wanting to work at an Islamic national embassy? Will Catholic cops be let off working at Protestant churches? Where will it end? This decision is going to allow officers to act in a discriminating and racist way. When you join the police, you do so to provide a service to the public. If you cannot perform those duties, you leave. The Metropolitan Police are setting a precedent they will come to bitterly regret." (Ex-Met Flying Squad commander John O’Conner)

For obvious reasons that need not be repeated, a jello-spined, son-of-a-bitch named Chief Supt. Jamie Stephen is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week. This scumbag should be hauled out of his office and thrown off the roof of Scotland Yard to serve as a necessary lesson to all the other korrectniks who infest that legendary institution. Our British friends deserve better than this.

Gutless Weasels of the Week
Date Awarded: September 29, 2006

Weasel: Kirsten Harms, director of Deutsche Oper
Spineless Antics: Let Islamikazes scare them into canceling an opera

A 225 year old Mozart opera named "Idomeneo" did a header into 21st century hypersensitivity this week, when a leading German opera house canceled the 3-year production. If you're smelling the Islamikaze's "hecklers' veto" at work, give yourself a cookie. The scene that put Islamikaze towels in a twist is a spiffy one, to say the least:

'...the production by Hans Neuenfels drew widespread criticism over the scene in which King Idomeneo presents the severed heads not only of the Greek god of the sea, Poseidon, but also of Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha. "We know the consequences of the conflict over the (Muhammad) caricatures," [a statement by the opera house] said. "We believe that needs to be taken very seriously and hope for your support."...'

In other words, some religion of peace pinheads issued death threats and, given their track record of murder and mayhem, inalienable liberty (free speech) beat a hasty retreat. That pleased the usual Islamikaze apologists who are, as usual, utterly unconcerned with their Mecca Maniac homeboys' moronic, violence-laced rampages. It did not, however thrill Germany's rational adults:

"with all understanding for the concern about the security of spectators and performers, I consider the decision of the director to be wrong. Our ideas about openness, tolerance and freedom must be lived on the offensive. Voluntary self-limitation gives those who fight against our values a confirmation in advance that we will not stand behind them." (Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit)

"problems cannot be solved by keeping silent. When the concern over possible protests leads to self-censorship, then the democratic culture of free speech becomes endangered." (Bernd Neumann top cultural official in German government)

For allowing these religion of peace rat bastards to intimidate them into censoring themselves...for lacking the spine to defend free speech from foaming at the mouth Islamikaze scumbags, Kirsten Harms and all the alleged men at Deutsche Oper are PIG's Gutless Weasels of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: September 22, 2006

Girlieman: Ibrahim Hooper
Girlie Antics: Americans are picking on Mecca Maniacs

Ibrahim Hooper, the chief whiner for the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) is shocked and dismayed over the way that Islam is picked on here in the land of the free. It starts, he caterwauls, at the very top with a piece of legicrap that "unfairly targets Mecca Maniacs". He's referring, of course, to that dastardly Patriot Act. Our pal Ib isn't thrilled spitless with your preferred boom box babbler either:

"You can't turn on the radio without hearing negative, bigoted comments about Islam."

Poor baby, is that nasty old First Amendment with its dastardly veneration of free speech giving you a boo-boo? Is the fact that millions of talk radio listeners from sea to shining sea understand that there's a virulent strain of violence that infects a staggering percentage of Islamikazes rotting your socks Ib? Apparently, because anyone who cites the all too real antics of Islamists in good standing in places like the Sandbox, Somalia, Indonesia, Pakistan and Iran is, in Ib's diseased brain, a Islamophibic racist. In case you wondered, Ib is equally unthrilled by the exercise of free speech on the Internet.

For being a whining piece of crap who hasn't got the nads to face up to Islam's chronic problems...for being a goddamn hypocrite who uses the free speech he wants to eradicate to spread his Jihadikaze propaganda...for his inability to admit that his dream for America is imposing Islam by force, on everybody...for being a caterwauling pile of crap, Ibrahim Hooper is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: September 15, 2006

Girlieman: Kenneth Elmore, Dean of Students at Boston University
Antics: A new edict muzzling ardent BU fans during games.

They wear red and white jerseys, paint their faces and love to thrill everyone with "their profane chants". They call themselves the Dog Pound and they’re infamous for making the opposing team and its fans miserable with taunts and insults. They got so carried away during this year’s Northeast Regional (hockey) final that the NCAA whined about their ‘bad language’. They are, according to BU officials, polite society’s worst nightmare and they’re thisclose to extinction thanks to a new edict that bans profanity plus racist and sexist comments at BU sporting events. Violators will be kicked out of the game and could, if they repeat their offense, be banned from all BU sporting events, permanently.

Little Kenny Elmore, BU’s Dean of Students, appears to be the panty-wearing punk pushing this ban:

"We wanted to make clear that games should be spirited and lively. But standing and shouting obscenities does not have a place. I don't equate school spirit with the yelling of obscenities...I one day hope to sit with the students and be cheering with them." (Boston Globe)

Little Kenny will have his language police deployed at all BU games seeking out those rabid BU fans who cross the line. We suspect that he’ll find some damn way to restore proper decorum even if it means playing games in an empty arena. Watch your backs Dog Pound howlers, because Little Kenny has his snitches every damn where.

For being such a killjoy...for going Korrectnik bonkers in his zeal to muzzle a few ardent BU fans...for having his head so far up his butt that he thinks anyone in the Dog Pound cares if he refuses to sit with them during a game, Little Kenny "Have you seen my nads" Elmore is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: September 08, 2006

Girlieman: Antonio Villaraigosa
Girlie Antics: Blatant political slut antics.

City of Angel’s Mayor Antonio "The Colonista" Villaraigosa is, by all reports an empty political suit who is immersed in a tidal wave of self-aggrandizing ambition. It’s fair to say that everything Antonio does is carefully calculated by his political handlers to propel this grinning, media loving clown up the elected tormentor ladder. His latest scheme is a prime example.

Working with the Marxist, Colonista, hacks who run Mexifornia’s legislature, Antonio cajoled them into giving him partial - but not complete - power over the City of Angel’s public educrap disaster, LAUSD. The plan, such as it is, couldn’t be simpler. If things improve at LAUSD after Antonio horns in, he can take the lion’s share of the credit. If, as seems likely based on LASUD’s track record, the district continues to implode, Antonio will find some way to blame LAUSD’s Educrats and his inability to force changes on them. No matter how it turns out this move is a ploy to polish Antonio’s public image so he can reach that next rung of the political ladder, Governor of Mexifornia.

Since Antonio intends to be governor, sooner, not later, he worked The Terminator and persuaded Mexifornia’s action hero governor to sign the bill allowing Antonio wedge his foot in LAUSD’s door. Since Antonio wants to be governor sooner, not later, he therefore delayed endorsing the Demoncrat candidate Phil Angelides until it became clear that Phil didn’t have prayer of beating the Terminator this November. This clears the way "loyal" Demoncrat Antonio to take over the governorship in 2010, after the Terminator leaves office. For all his blatant political slut antics...for ducking responsibility and claiming the glory...for offering photo-ops instead of solutions, Antonio "The Colonista" Villaraigosa is PIG’s Girlieman of the week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: September 01, 2006

Girlieman: John C. Turner
Girlie Antics: We refuse to spoil the surprise.

Although he’s eminently qualified for Girlieman of the Week abuse, a Florida voter named John C. Turner is not our usual PIG awards bull’s-eye. John started his inexorable journey to ignobility early one evening when he stood beside his 1997 Dodge pickup and flashed his little soldier at a woman and her 14 year old daughter. According to the woman, a bald dude with a mustache and goatee exposed his willy and started fondling himself. The woman was further alarmed when John climbed into his ride and followed her. Things got much more thrilling after the woman flagged down a cop and told them about John’s antics.

During the chase that ensued John drove through a ditch, across a local golf course and led the cops on a merry chase on the highways and byways. After he slammed his car into at least one cop car, he finally dumped his ride and took off through the woods where a police dog gave him a toothy reality check. All things considered, John probably needed a graybar rest after such a fun-filled day.

How, you ask, does this qualify John for Girlieman? To begin with, he blames his antics on too much booze plus a cocaine infusion. Also, he swears that he can’t remember exposing himself in front of the woman and her daughter because he was differently-sober at the time. Ultimately, John C. Turner wins our Girlie Man of the Week because, the entire time he was perpetrating the foregoing antics he was "WEARING A DRESS". That PIGsters, is classic Girlieman stuff and you can quote us.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: August 25, 2006

Girlieman: George W. Bush
Girlie Antics: Switched from kickass to kiss ass when nobody was looking.

It’s no secret that PIG has, from time to time, taken W to task for his Oval Office antics. Normally, our "issues" with W center on his domestic policies: border jumping scumbags, campaign finance reform, Nanny State growth. When it came to his Warrior in Chief on Terror credentials, W was, by and large, fighting the good fight and we gave him kudos for it.

Recently, W is showing disturbingly "girlie" signs when it comes to his kick-ass, cowboy on board, foreign policy. When that North Korean wingnut started rattling his sabers, W and his minions decided to "discuss it". When Iran and Syria got caught red-handed arming Hezbollah with advanced weaponry, W channeled his inner Jimmy Carter. Instead of going cowboy, W sent Condi Rice to the relevant tyrants so she could, officially, express W’s "disappointment". When the gutless wonders in the U.N. decided to arm twist Israel into backing down in Southern Lebanon, W and his minions rolled over to play dead. Instead demanding that heavily armed "authorized to stomp the bastards" peace keeping forces be stationed in the combat zone, W went girlie and furtive. He disgusted all rational adults by allowing those paragons of military prowess, the French, to set the peace-keeping conditions. PIG is, to say the least, profoundly unamused.

For allowing petty pissant tyrants from Iran, Syria, Lebanon and North Korea to get away with their insane - goddamn dangerous - stuff...for going Jimmy Carter when we needed some of Teddy Roosevelt’s "big stick"...for lacking the spine to draw a line in the sand against petty tyranny, George W. Bush is PIG’s Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: August 18, 2006

Girlieman: Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert
Girlieman Antics: Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

Normally, when Israel is involved, the outcome of a military dust up is a slam dunk. Israel wins and anyone who says differently is blowing a lot of hot air. That quick assessment stems from the traditional way that Israel fights these wars: throw everything you've got into the fight and proceed to kick some serious butt until the other guy is so soundly thrashed that he can't keep on fighting.

This time out, the fight took some odd turns. That's due, primarily, to the fact that Israel's new Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, is the second coming of Jimmy Carter, instead of the second coming of Golda Meir or Ariel Sharon. Ehud so completely hobbled his army that he virtually guaranteed that they would not emerge victorious. We know what you're thinking Sparky and we're ready for it. Yes, W did declare Israel the victor and he might even believe it. However, while W was declaring victory, Olmert was apologizing for the sorry way Israel conducted the war.

Thanks to Ehud's spinelessness...thanks to Ehud's utter ineptitude...thanks to his half-hearted war plan...thanks to the intolerable limitations he placed on his military, Israel failed to achieve any of its stated goals. Thanks to Ehud's bungling, Israel's aura of invincibility is shattered. Thanks to this gutless wonder, for the first time, Israel's ultimate survival is in doubt. The wrong man, in the wrong position, at the worst possible time, Ehud Olmert is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: August 11, 2006

Girlieman: Kim Jong-Il
Girlie Antics: Cowering in a bunker somewhere.

The wingnut in charge of North Korea, Kim Jong Il is displaying the requisite insane tyrant courage this week. In fact, he dropped out of sight about the same time that he started rattling his cage with all those missile launches on July 5. Since then, nobody has seen him and even the tyrant-venerating North Korean propaganda machine hasn't mentioned their far from fearless leader.

According to one "expert", this sick bastard is in hiding for domestic and international reasons. The domestic crisis that stampeded Kim Jong mentally ill into hiding isn't what you think. He's immune to criticism about the way his antics inflict widespread famine and starvation, but the flooding caused by heavy rains in July has him in a panic. Other self-described North Korea experts opine that this twisted tyrant is ensconced in his bunker because the newest U.N. Security Council resolution panicked him into putting North Korea on a "war footing".

For being such a craven goddamn coward that he's afraid of the United Nations...for strutting and blustering about his military prowess then crawling in a hole when the "international community" frowns at him...for demanding all the perks of national leadership but ducking all the requisite responsibilities, Kim Jong Il is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: August 04, 2006

Girlieman: Sheik Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah
Girlie Antics: Craven cowardice under fire.

Hezbollah's fearless leader talks big and makes a vivid impression when he stages one of his televised "I'm going to kick Israel's butt" tantrums. He's an ideal choice if your notion of leadership is limited to televised bluster perpetrated a safe distance behind the battle lines. It's easy to beat your chest and bluster about your courage, when you have a legion of intellectual flatliners brainwashed into giving their lives for the greater glory of Islam. Like Osama, Sheik Nasrallah makes damn sure that he'll be a long distance from the action. The worse injury this Jihadikaze coward faces is lockjaw from all his blithering.

For lacking the nads to do his own fighting...for being such a craven coward that he cowers inside Iran's Beirut embassay while Israeli bombs are falling on his Hezbollah home boys...for being another gutless rat bastard like Zarkawi and Osama, Sheik Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: July 28, 2006

Girlieman: David Gutierrez
Girlie Antics: Went recall bonkers over a councilman's remarks

Greeley (Colorado) denizen David Gutierrez went non-clinically bonkers after a Greeley City Councilman's attempt at humor fell flat. The fat hit the fire after a 6-hour hearing on a proposal to deem Greeley's Cranford area an official "historic designation". Commenting after the hearing, Councilman LeRoy Johnson noted that in addition to some spiffy homes, the neighborhood in question has "some pretty good-looking women" living there. As easy as that, Councilman Johnson landed in piping hot political water - and not for the first time.

1993, 1998 He was charged with harassment for his antics outside Greeley.
2005 He reported his girlfriend missing after she dumped him and moved out.
2006 He got into a fight with the boyfriend of his ex-girlfriend.

Councilman Johnson is a loose cannon, and he might deserve to be dumped from office but not for "some pretty good-looking women living there". But, what sounds harmless enough to a rational adult, doesn't amuse Greeley denizen David Gutierrez one damn bit. In fact, he's so singularly unamused that he's organizing a recall drive to oust Councilman Johnson. Humor-challenged to his very core, Gutierrez whined: "His comments insult every mom, wife, daughter and sister in the entire city." Take a chill pill, dude.

For making a recall mountain out of a molehill like "some pretty good-looking women living there"...for making this ill-advised, but otherwise harmless, prose a political crisis...for being a caterwauling cretin, David Gutierrez is PIG's Girlieman of the Week. PIG has a hot flash for David: If "some pretty good-looking women" is as bad as your life gets, shut up and grow a pair.

Weasels of the Week
Date Awarded: July 21, 2006

Weasels: The United States Senate
Antics: Refused to fund border security enforcement.

On May 17, 2006 - accompanied by a cacophony of chest beating prose - the U.S. Senate voted 83-16 to build fencing and other security barriers along high traffic areas of America's southern border. In the same vote, the U.S. Senate approved 500 miles of vehicle barriers along our border with Mexico. This week, the same legislative body, by a lop-sided 71-29 vote, voted to kill funding for the fencing and barriers they approved with such a noisy fanfare in mid May. Proving what a bunch of double-dealing weasels and outright rat bastards they are, the senators, by a bipartisan 66-34 margin voted down an amendment that would appropriate $85.7 million to hire 800 full time agents to investigate immigration law violations.

If these panty-wearing punks and punkettes had any damn spine at all, they would be a eager to explain why they refuse to fund border security as they were to congratulate themselves for their May 17 antics. We deserve better than these scumbags and that's a fact. For their double dealing antics...for authorizing border security measures that they never intended to fund...for lacking the guts to proudly proclaim their refusal to fund meaningful border security, these 79 senatorial scumbags are PIG's Weasels of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: July 14, 2006

Girlieman: ABC President of Advertising Sales Mike Shaw
Girlie Antics: Wants DVR makers to nuke Ad skipping.

With ABC, and assorted other networks shoe-horning more and more advertisements into their network fare with each passing minute, boob tube consumers are striking back with a gem called "ad skipping". This is especially true of boob tube watchers who use a DVR (Digitial Video Recorders) to watch their favorite network shows without being interrupted by those endless ads. When questioned about it, most DVR owners cite ad skipping as a primary reason they plunked down the dead presidents for a DVR.

An ABC suit, President of Advertising Sales Mike Shaw, is painfully aware that all his efforts to fill every broadcast hour with 59 minutes of ads - not including "product placements in TV shows" - is driving viewers to DVRs in droves. He's equally aware that DVR owners are, routinely, using this electronic toy's ad skipping feature to render his job meaningless. Instead of telling his network to provide more minutes of programming per hour to distinguish ABC from the other networks, Mike is trying to torpedo ad skipping. How? He's trying to arm twist DVR manufacturers into deleting the ad skipping feature that is a primary DVR selling point.

If Mikey wants to get more viewers sit through all those ads, then he needs to step up to the plate and decree that, henceforth ALL ABC ads must be "entertaining". If that's too much for him, he needs to cut down on the number of ads he's cramming into each hour. Since he's incapable of doing either...since he's being a whining scumbag...since he's going girlie and furtive in his efforts to thwart viewer preferences...since he's sticking his damn nose where it doesn't belong, Mike Shaw is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: July 07, 2006

Girlie Man: Eldred (PA) denizen Corey S. Chase.
Girlie Antics: Bought a house next to a baseball field, then complained about errant balls.

Ron Houben Memorial Park in Eldred has been the site of baseball games for 50 years, but that didn't seem to bother Corey S. Chase when he bought a house next to the park's baseball diamond. It's bothering him now, after his humble abode has been pelted with baseballs. They land in the pool, nailed his lawnmower and broke the windshield of his car. The borough took pity on the Cases and put up a 13-foot fence, but it didn't help. What to do? Corey got lawyered up and sued the borough, and he won.

Despite the fact that the field was there when he bought the house...despite the fact that he cut down a row of tall evergreens that mitigated the damage from errant baseballs...Corey Chase sued the borough over the 50 year old park and its ball diamond. For that shyster assault...for shutting down the games at Ron Houben Memorial Park, Corey Chase earns PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: June 30, 2006

Girlieman: Ed Boks, General Manager of L.A.'s Department of Animal Services
Girlie Antics: Let NO NAD Harpies caterwaul him into dumping a fund raiser.

This NO NAD panty twister started, a month ago, when Hooters of Hollywood pitched a fund raising idea to Eddie. The club offered to donate the proceeds of a live concert and bikini contest to the city's animal services department. They even pinned a name on this event "Hooters for Neuters". The bovine excrement hit the proverbial cooling device when some NO NAD spotted a link to the Hooters bikini contest on an L.A. Animal Services web site. The usual NO NAD suspects started hammering the city, creating such a shrill din that some differently-male city hacks joined the noisy whine-a-thon:

"This has crossed a line ... This isn't funny. We are not that desperate for money that we have to (raise) it in a way that exploits women in skimpy outfits to attract men." (L.A. City Controller, Laura Chick)

"The commissioners support raising money for the animals, but not at the expense of offending and demeaning humans," . "The department logo should never have been placed in an ad for a bikini contest." (Animal Services Commissioner Deborah A. Knaan)

Eventually, the uproar drove Eddie into a full blown girlieman retreat: "It was not our intention to offend. As general manager, I personally apologize to anyone who was offended." For letting these NO NAD womyn stampede him into a headlong retreat...for putting gender politics on the front burner, Ed Boks is PIG's Girlieman of the Week. PIG offers this sage advice to Eddie, from the bottoms of our PIGish hearts: Grow a pair, dude.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: June 23, 2006

Girlieman: Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban
Girlie Antics: Had a hissy fit over game 5 loss.

After watching his team romp out to a 2-0 advantage in the NBA Championships, Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, was a happy camper. That sunny mood evaporated after game five when a Miami Heat overtime victory put Miami in the driver's seat with a 3 games to 2 edge in the playoff series. Snapping under the stress, Mark Cuban wanted someone, anyone, to blame, and he found a perfect target: referees. A Miami Herald piece included this spiffy prose about Cuban's meltdown:

'...There was Cuban, whose billions can buy just about anything but a mortal slump by D-Wade, careening onto the court in a blue Jerry Stackhouse jersey after the final buzzer, screaming profanely at referee Joe DeRosa. Cuban then turned to [NBA Commissioner David] Stern and other NBA officials who were seated at the scorer's table and was overheard to shout venomously in the jubilant din, "[Bleep] you! [Bleep] you! Your league is rigged!''...'

Inspired by his owner, a Mavericks superstar, 7 footer Dirk Nowitzki, punted a ball into the cheap seats then stormed off the court where he slammed a water cooler and kicked a stationary bike. For being a sore loser...for spreading his sore loser antics to his team, Mark Cuban finally wins something, PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Update: PIG is pleased to report that the Miami Heat eliminated Mark Cuban and his sore losers in game 6 of the championships. With that matter settled, we eagerly await Mark Cuban's next girlieman outburst.

Jello-Spined Rat Bastard Scumbags of the Week
Date Awarded: June 16, 2006

Scumbags: Philly's Commission on Human Relations
Antics: Charging a cheesesteak wrangler with discrimination.

“Let them do what they want to. When it comes, then we’ll deal with it. I would say they would have to handcuff me and take me out because I’m not taking it down.” (Joseph Vento's response to the city's "take down the sign or face fines" edict)

By now, everyone should be familiar with Joseph Vento, the owner of Geno's Steaks, Philly's most famous cheesesteak purveyor. For those who just woke up from a coma, we'll go over the essentials. At least 6 months ago, Joe posted a sign in his eatery that warned: "This is AMERICA: WHEN ORDERING PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH". For reasons we won't try to understand, his sign went unnoted, until last week, when it became a favorite item on the 24-hour news cycle. Joseph Vento made the rounds of the cable news shows and various talk radio shows, a fact that helped him stray into the city's discrimination punk bull's-eye.

Egged on by Rachel Lawton, the chief goose-stepper for Philly's Discrimination Nazi horde, the Commission decided that Joseph was giving the city a bad name, so they nailed him with an official discrimination complaint for violating the city's Fair Practices Ordinance. Some damn how, Geno's 'speak English damn it' policy discourages "patronage by non-English speaking customers because of their national origin or ancestry." Yeah, right, scumbags, but don't you need to prove that Geno's refuses to serve customers who don't order in English? Obviously, the Discrimination Nazis can't be bothered by such petty details.

For making a discrimination mountain out of a "speak English, damn it" molehill...for intruding where they aren't wanted or needed...for stabbing America's sovereign English speaking denizens in the back...for going Korrectnik bonkers instead of letting the marketplace pass judgement on Geno's order in English policy, Philly's Commission on Human Relations earns PIG's jello-spined rat bastard scumbags of the week sweepstakes.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: June 9, 2006

Girlieman: Steve Chapman
Girlie Antics: Blamed everyone else for his own stupidity.

By all reports, 28 year old Steve Chapman is an up and comer in Virginia politics. Well, he was. You see, Stevie was so busy raising money for his bid to fill the vacant 50th District seat in a special election that neither he, nor his staff got around to submitting the requisite filing papers and the $1000 fee. According to Steve this filing deadline just snuck up on him and neither he nor his campaign staff saw it coming: "I had no idea there was a deadline. We had a fundraiser the night before and it never came up. No one in my campaign knew there was a deadline." Apparently none of them paid attention when the district's Republican Committee posted public filing deadline notices in a local fishwrap on May 19, a full week before the May 26 filing deadline.

Just in case his "who knew" excuse didn't fly, Stevie boy ran a fall-back excuse up the flagpole. This one centered on a blogger named "Black Velvet Bruce Lee" a dude who has a talent for excoriating Stevie on his web site. Thin-skinned and stupid, Stevie went shyster bonkers and sued the blogger for defamation. The stress of the lawsuit, Stevie whines, distracted him so much, that the filing deadline got lost in the shuffle. Poor baby.

For lacking the nads to accept personal responsibility for the filing deadline snafu...for blaming everyone - his staff, the local Elephant Clan officials, the infamous Black Velvet Bruce Lee - for his own bout of dumbass, Steve Chapman is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: June 2, 2006

Girlieman: Bolivian President Evo Morales
Girlie Antics: Trying to cover his tracks with a paranoid delusion.

"I've been informed recently how the U.S. had organized teams - groups to persecute Evo Morales, to kill Evo Morales. They haven't been able to and now we're organized, from unions to this political party and they can't stop us anymore." (Evo Morales)

This week, Hugo Chavez's Marxist buddy, the commie pinko rat bastard who runs Bolivia, borrowed a page from Hugo's playbook. Proving that there's plenty of room for two - or more - South American pinheads, in the Twilight Zone, Bolivian President Evo Morales announced that the sworn enemy of commie pinko pinheads, Uncle Sam, is painting a bull's-eye on Evo and his administration. For "reasons" that only make sense in Evo's fevered brain, Uncle Sam is out to get him. That's right, regime change Sparky, this clown insists that Uncle Sam wants Evo dead, stat.

We don't blame him for trying to divert his countrymen's attention with this smoke and mirrors like this pathetic "America is organizing Bolivian dissidents to assassinate me" drivel. By all reports Evo's leadership skills are far from, inspirational. We cut him a little slack because he's spending to much time with his Marxist Comrade, Hugo Chavez. Despite all that, we're compelled to point out that paranoia is not contagious so like or not Evo, you're PIG's Girlieman of The Week. In the spirit of the moment, we strongly suggest that you grow a pair.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: May 26, 2006

[UPDATE: Due to new information we received on June 29, 2006, Morien Jones has been disqualified from Girlieman of the Week contention. For the rest of the facts, facts supplied by Morien Jones and independently verified by the PIG staff, see our posting in Prattle dated June 30, 2006.]

Girlieman: Morien Jones
Girlie Antics: Whined about his female neighbor's nude sunbathing.

While he was renovating the back of his abode with a local builder, a panty-wearing Welsh punk named Morien Jones, was shocked, shocked I tell you, when he spotted his next-door neighbor, Lynett Burgess, sunbathing in the nude. The instant Ms. Burgess appeared stark naked, this nadless girlie punk got out his video camera and filmed his neighbor's dastardly crime. With his panties in a wad, Morien whined:

"She walked back and fore completely naked - I went to get my video camera to record the incident. I have been extremely shaken by this. It has been very upsetting and worrying. I don't want to bring up my children in such an environment." (BBC)

This girliepunk found kindred spirits in the local prosecutor's office the instant he showed them his "proof". The taped "evidence" prompted the forces of justice to accuse Lynett Burgess of behavior that's "not normal". A local Magistrate had more sense than girliepunk Jones or the prosecutors so he quickly ruled that Lynette didn't intend to "cause harm or distress". We're more than a tad annoyed that the Magistrate didn't order Morien Jones to "grow a pair", but we can learn to live with our disappointment. What we can't tolerate is an alleged man who deems the sight of a naked female "very upsetting and worrying". That's why we named Morien Jones our Girlieman of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: May 19, 2006

Girlieman: The Sandbox's King Abdullah
Girlie Antics: A tame photo of a female puts his panties in a wad.

The Sandbox's King Abdullah has ordered Saudi fishwrap editors to stop publishing photos of women, because they might set off a sex riot in their fetching moo-moo's and head scarves. A (so-called) man with way too much time on his hands, the King is shocked that anyone would defile Sandbox decency by publishing a female's picture. "One must think, do they want their daughter, their sister, or their wife to appear in this way. Of course, no one would accept this. The youth are driven by emotion ... and sometimes they can be led astray." Is the Sandbox King talking about other Sandbox horndogs, or is he confessing that he loses all control when he sees the image of a woman, even if she's encased in one of those head to toe Mecca Maniac baggies? Enquiring minds want to know.

We know what you're thinking, Sparky, and we're up to the challenge. You're thinking, no doubt, that the King's antics don't meet PIG's exacting Girlieman standard. Perhaps, but you have to consider two facts that justifies pinning a "girlieman" label on Saudi Arabia's top sand stomper: he wears a goddamn dress; he walks around with a dish towel on his head. Case closed. For confessing that any image of a woman sends Mecca Manic males into a sexual frenzy...for being terrified of the tamest photos of women...King Abdullah is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: May 12, 2006

Girliemen: The Suits Running Cingular Wireless
Girlie Antics: Got girlie and furtive over a ringtone.

If you haven't bagged a copy of Cingular Wireless's "La Migra" ringtone, you just missed your chance. Unless some bright cyberspace bulb has posted it, you're out of luck, Sparky and that's a damn shame. Why? For starters some Colonista whiners called it "disgusting" and "offensive", high praise that makes it a slam dunk for our awards page. And what, you ask, is this ringtone that has the whole PIG Staff green with envy because we didn't think of it?

As usual, we're all over it. The Brownsville Herald describes it this way: the ringtone started with a siren, followed by a male voice saying in a Southern drawl, "This is la Migra," a slang term for the Border Patrol. "Por favor, put the oranges down and step away from the cellphone. I repeat-o, put the oranges down and step away from the telephone-o. I'm deporting you back home-o." Big, big fun, but that's ancient history, now, because Cingular's suits let let the usual "activist" punks whine them into pulling the ringtone from their Web site.

For letting some humor-challenged, properly-hyphenated whiners intimidate them...for lacking the nads to tell these Colonista punks to "bite me"...for robbing America of a thrillingly inkorrect dose of classic American humor, the gultless, panty-wearing rat bastards running Cingular Wireless are PIG's Girliemen of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: May 05, 2006

Girlieman: Mexican President Vicente Fox
Girlie Antics: Backed down on a drug law he perpetrated.

Vicente Fox started the week by giving America's War on Drugs the finger when Mexico's legislature passed a law that was designed by Vicente's office and introduced by Vicente's party. The law that thrilled Gringo drug warriors spitless was a wet dream for druggies foreign and domestic:

'...[the new edict] allowed for the possession of up to 5 grams (0.18 ounces) of marijuana, 5 grams (0.18 ounces) of opium, 25 milligrams (0.0009 ounces) of heroin and 500 milligrams (0.018 ounces) of cocaine. It also decriminalized the possession of limited quantities of other drugs, including LSD, hallucinogenic mushrooms, amphetamines and peyote -- a psychotropic cactus found in the Mexican deserts...' (Reuters)

Somewhere along the line, this new law hit a speed bump and the rest, as they say, is history. It's not dead and buried, but it's being returned to the Mexican legislature for a re-write. It seems safe to predict that the new, improved, bill won't be make Mexico the drug tourist Eden it might have become under the initial, Vicente-inspired, version. What happened? The what, is easy to explain, it's the why that's proving elusive.

On Tuesday, Vicente was boldly defying Uncle Sam with his vow to sign the bill double quick. A mere 24 hours later, after giving America's drug warriors the finger on Tuesday, Vicente went girlie for reasons that he seems unlikely to discuss. Now, Vicente flatly refuses to sign the bill that he was eagerly awaiting a mere 24 hours earlier. Vicente's 180 degree turn happened so quickly, we're worried that he gave himself political punk whiplash. For going from bold and defiant to wimpy and furtive in 24 short hours, Vicente Fox is PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: April 28, 2006

Girliemen: 9 Ohio State-Mansfield faculty members
Girlie Antics: Allowed campus Korrectniks to intimidate them into silence.

Dedicated PIG News readers will remember the epic about an OSU-Mansfield librarian named Scott Savage who strayed into OSU-Mansfield's Korrectnik radar when he dared to point students at such subversive tomes as "The Marketing of Evil" by David Kupelian, "The Professors" by David Horowitz, "Eurabia: The Euro-Arab Axis" by Bat Ye’or, and "It Takes a Family" by Sen. Rick Santorum. As PIG News reported, three differently-heterosexual professors filed complaints against Scott, insisting that his blatant discrimination and harassment made them feel "unsafe". The following whine from one of these cowering GLAAD BAAGs tells you all you need to know about this case:

"As a gay man I have long ago realized that the world is full of homophobic, hate-mongers who, of course, say that they are not. So I am not shocked, only deeply saddened – and THREATENED – that such mindless folks are on this great campus. ... You have made me fearful and uneasy being a gay man on this campus. I am, in fact, notifying the OSU-M campus, and Ohio State University in general, that I no longer feel safe doing my job. I am being harassed."

Last week, we told you that the faculty supported this Korrectnik atrocity by a unanimous vote. While it's true that the vote was 21-0, it did not represent the entire faculty. We're now able to tell you that 9 gutless punks on the faculty were afraid to stand up to the Ivory Tower's GLAAD BAAG whiners, so they abstained, allowing Scott Savage to be vilified, victimized and otherwise abused. For their gutless antics, these 9 Eggheads are PIG's Girliemen of the Week.

Runner-Up: Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe
Girlie Antics: After putting his nation's agriculture in the crapper, he wants to cover his murderous butt.

Zimbabwe's President, a Marxist thug named Robert Mugabe, singlehandedly destroyed his nation's agriculture production when he sent a murderous mob of army vets to evict the white farmers who were the backbone of the nation's agriculture. As a result of that state sanctioned carnage, the 4,000 white farmers were exiled, and their land allowed to lie fallow thanks to the ineptitude of the new "owners". Now, with his country in chaos and his people starving, President Mugabe is trying to lure the white farmers back, by inviting them to apply for leases on their own property.

For refusing to admit that his policy caused the destruction of his nation's agriculture...for continuing to blame all his problems on a dastardly white plot...for talking out of both sides of his mouth and saying nothing worth hearing, Robert Mugabe is runner-up for PIG's Girlieman of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: April 21, 2006

Girliemen: The suits who run "Riverside Plaza"
Girlie Antics: Allowed border jumpers to intimidate them into cancelling "Replace an Illegal Alien for a Day!"

A City of Angeles radio duo, KFI's John and Ken, planned to stage a car wash to highlight the border jumping scumbag issue. They called their spiffy notion "Replace an Illegal Alien for a Day!", and it promised to be a thrill a minute for all concerned. Determined to mock the "jobs that American's won't do" mantra, they had listeners going to an outpost of capitalism called "Riverside Plaza" where Americans would wash cars as part of a charity fund raiser. It was fully locked and loaded until it happened. After John and Ken publicized their car wash for a tad over two hours, the people running Riverside Plaza cancelled the gig. They had no choice, because border jumping scumbag activists called in threats that included "riots", "property damage" plus "death threats". As a result, the car wash is, temporarily, off the schedule.

The instant John and Ken broke the news of Riverside Plaza's collaboration with threat spewing border jumpers, their listeners responded with a torrent of venom aimed at Riverside Plaza's cringing suits. With their phones ringing off the hook thanks to this public relations nightmare, Riverside Plaza's panty-wearing punks compounded their Girlmen antics. Ignoring recorded phone messages, e-mails and other documented evidence in KFI's possession, these Riverside Plaza Girliemen blatantly denied that they ever gave KFI permission to stage their stunt at this shopping center. The suits at Riverside Plaza didn't know a damn thing about this radio stunt? That doesn't pass the smell test.

For allowing border jumping scumbag thugs to intimidate them into cancelling a radio promotion...for trying to save their sorry reputations by lying about their willingness to host the event...for blatantly exposing themselves as panty-wearing rat bastards, the suits running Riverside Plaza earn PIG's Girliemen of the Week dishonors.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: April 14, 2006

Girliemen: The "suits" who run Comedy Central
Girlie Antics: Banned Mecca Maniac prophet's image from a "South Park" episode.

The fun started, when "South Park's" dynamic creative duo, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, painted a creative bull's-eye on the Jihadikaze furor over those Danish Mohammed cartoons. Envisioning an enraged Jihadikaze mob storming their executive headquarters, the cringing cowards who infest Comedy Central's executive row, went gutlessly girlie by banning any depiction of the Mecca Maniac prophet. Eventually, after news of their craven cowardice finally broke, these panty-wearing scumbags lamely defended their blatant refusal to defend free speech with this tepid prose: "In light of recent world events, we feel we made the right decision." PIG dares to wonder if this gives Jihadikaze pinheads the same dictatorial control over Comedy Central's creative content that this cable blight gave to Twerpy Tommy Cruise and his Scientologist lunatics?

For letting 7th century pinheads repeal the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution...for granting any group willing to go on a rampage the ability to dictate the content of the shows they air...for proving, once again, that "spineless" and "jellyfish" are the primary hiring criteria for Comedy Central's executive positions, the panty wearing, Constitution hating rat goddamn bastards at Comedy Central are PIG's Girliemen of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: April 7, 2006

Girlieman: Arizona Senator Juan McCain
Girlie Antics: Tried to leave a meeting when the attendees booed him.

Senator Juan "I wanna be President, damn it" McCain took it hard when the audience booed him while he was giving a speech to union leaders. The fun ensued when Senator Juan started to spout his usual drivel about giving amnesty to border jumping scumbags. Showing an unexpected grasp of reality, many of the union leaders greeted Juan's Colonista venerating prose with a chorus of "boos". Interrupting his blithering, McCain whined, "If you like, I will leave." before he started to beat a hasty retreat. Showing his true colors, Senator Juan lost his nerve, then returned to his speech, pretending that he'd intimidated his audience into submission: "Ok, then please give me the courtesy I would give you."

The "subdued" audience continued to heckle him, when he resumed outlining his amnesty of steroids notions:

'...Later, the senator outlined his position on the Senate immigration debate, saying tougher border enforcement must be accompanied by guest-worker provisions that give illegal immigrants a legal path toward citizenship. Murmurs from the crowd turned to booing. "Pay a decent wage!" one audience member shouted. "I've heard that statement before," McCain said before threatening to leave...' (AP)

Afterwards, McCain tried to gloss over his Girlieman antics - his threat to pick up his toys and go home - by claiming that he enjoyed this vocal head-butting from these union officials. For going girlieman when faced with noisy opposition to his fetid ideas...for trying to cut and run rather than face his critics, John McCain is PIG's Girlieman of the Week. Girlieman bonus points were conferred due to McCain's gutless refusal to call his immigration brain-fart what it really is: amnesty.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: March 31, 2006

Girliemen: The "Suits" at Borders Group, Inc.
Girlie Antics: Refuse to sell a magazine because it contains the Muhammad cartoons.

"For us, the safety and security of our customers and employees is a top priority, and we believe that carrying this issue could challenge that priority." (A spokeshole for Borders Group Inc.)

The suits infesting the executive suites at Borders and Waldenbooks got their girlmen panties in bunch the instant they found out that the April-May issue of "Free Inquiry" magazine contained 4 cartoons of the Mecca Maniac prophet. Terrified that the religion of peace pinheads would do what comes naturally, Borders Group, Inc. decreed that the cartoon jihad issue of 'Free Inquiry' will not be allowed in their stores. After Paul Kurtz, editor-in-chief at 'Free Inquiry' roasted Borders' cringing girliemen for going gutless and furtive when faced with Mecca Maniac intimidation, Borders dug themselves a deeper rhetorical hole:

"We absolutely respect our customers' right to choose what they wish to read and buy and we support the First Amendment. And we absolutely support the rights of Free Inquiry to publish the cartoons. We've just chosen not to carry this particular issue in our stores."

For allowing violence prone Jihadikazes' to dictate what Americans are allowed to read...for gutting the First Amendment to appease 7th century thuggery...for being such cringing cowards that they wouldn't even admit the reason for their spineless antics, the suits at Borders Group Inc. earn PIG's Girliemen of the Week dishonors.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: March 24, 2006

Girlieman: Mexifornia's Action Hero Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Girlie Antics: Refuses to fire his pal Meathead.

Rob "Meathead" Reiner played fast and loose with taxpayer money when he used his chairmanship of the First 5 California commission to promote his new voter initiative. He used at least $23 million dollars of the money stolen from smokers via a prior Meathead initiative to mount a "preschool will cure everything from street crime to cancer and should stop Global Warming dead in its tracks" media campaign. Ironically - and everyone in Meathead's entourage swears it's just a coincidence - this media blitz just happened to coincide with an ongoing signature campaign to put Meathead's new ripoff, universal, tax funded preschool, on the Mexifornia ballot.

When the state's rational adults, and, we are stunned to report, many of the state's differently-rational lefties started to question Reiner's antics, Meathead stepped down - temporarily - from his Chairmanship of First 5 California. That's a nifty trick since his 4 year term expired in 2004. That fact alone should make it easy for Governor Arnold to replace his friend, but when you couple the expired term with Meathead's ethically-challenged, probably illegal, use of tax dollars to promote another initiative, firing Meathead is a no brainer. Adding to the dump Meathead pressure, state legislators on both side of the aisle are mounting an investigation of Meathead's antics, including the Elephant Clan contingent in the state legislature who asked Governor Arnold to dump Meathead now.

For refusing to fire his liberal scumbag pal, Meathead...for lacking the spine to stand up for the state's egregiously abused taxpayers...for proving - once again - that "Girlieman" and "Arnold Schwarzenegger" synonymous, Mexifornia's Action Hero Governor is, reclaims his crown as PIG's Girlieman Rat Bastard, Liberal Goddamn Scumbag of the Week.

Girliepunks of the Week
Date Awarded: March 17, 2006

Girlpunks: Capitol Hill Donkey Clan Legicrats
Girlie Antics: Ducked Senator Feingold's resolution to censure President Bush.

The D.C. Donkey Clan hacks indulge in bellicose chest beating over W's domestic spying and assorted other War on Terror tripe, daily. But, this week, when one of their own - Senator Russ Feingold - gave them a chance to go on the record with their objections to W's domestic spying, they acted like Feingold's measure to censure President Bush was tainted with the avian flu. When Senator Feingold introduced the measure, he didn't get support from a single Donkey Clan senator. As fun as that sounds, it gets better.

The real fun started when the News Nitwit horde swarmed down on the Donkey Clan hacks as they tried to enter a lunchtime meeting:

Chucky Schumer refused to comment on the matter when pressed by an ABC reporterette.

Hillary Clinton's mad dash past the gathered press was blocked by a food cart. Terrified that she'd be accosted by the News Nitwit horde, she tried to hide behind diminutive Senator Barbara Mikulski.

Despite promises to answer all those censure-related questions after lunch, these gutless wonders snuck out a back door.

For being such blatant, hypocrites...for acting like the cringing cowards they really are, these gutless Donkey Clan cretins are PIG's Girliepunks of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: March 10, 2006

Girliepunk: Senator Arlen Specter
Girlie Antics: His amnesty on steroids bill that features the infamous "Gold Card".

Senator Arlen Specter is an America-hating rat goddamn bastard who is beavering away to render our U.S. citizenship meaningless in his mindless zeal to roll out the red carpet for the border jumping scumbag invaders. His most fetid notion involves giving every Colonista in the USA - plus the 500,000,000 south of the border asshats who will be coming here any damn second - a "Gold Card" that allows them to stay for-goddamn-ever. All they need to do is get past an initial screening by those notorious incompetents in Homeland Security and they're home free.

Thanks to Arlen, MS-13 will be fast-tracked to legal status. Thanks to Arlen, every state and local government from sea to shining sea will be swimming in the red ink generated by these Border Jumping Scumbag leeches who come here un-damn-invited to gorge themselves on taxpayer funded freebies. Thanks to Arlen, the 12-20 million border jumping invaders already here will be joined by the rest of South and Central America, plus invaders from Asia, and every other pissant third world country.

For spineless refusal to live up to his oath of office...for putting foreign born invaders ahead of U.S. citizens...for his gutless groveling to those deep, campaign funding capitalists who love cheap, 50 cents a month labor, Senator Arlen "The Traitor" Spector is PIG's Girliepunk of the Week. We fervently hope this rat-goddamn-bastard is put out of our misery on Capitol Hill by a truck loaded with Gold Card packing border jumping scumbags.

Girliescumbag of the Week
Date Awarded: March 03, 2006

Girliescumbag: Gustavo Torres, executive director of Casa de Maryland
Gutless Girlie Antics: Plans to picket Minutemen "homes, places of work and their children's schools"

"...We are going to picket their houses, and the schools of their kids, and go to their work." (Gustavo Torres, child terrorizer)

Outraged by the Maryland Minutemen who are photographing/targeting the contractors who hire day laborers at the Casa de Maryland's "give a border jumping scumbag a day labor job" center, Gustavo Torres plans to fight back by, among other things, terrorizing the Minutemen and their children. The fetid fact that 51% of Casa de Maryland's annual $2,771,625 budget comes from Nanny State coffers, makes this bovine excrement the ultimate indignity for the Minutemen who are forced to support these child terrorizing rat bastards with their own tax money.

"Threatening children like this is outrageous. Casa de Maryland's funding should be pulled and its contracts cancelled. It is beyond belief that taxpayer dollars are funding this thuggish behavior." ("Minuteman Civil Defense Corps President Chris Simcox.)

We trust the Minutemen to take care of themselves, but terrorizing their children is a stunning new, gutless rat bastard low, even for an America-hating, border jumping scumbag coddler of Gustavo's ilk. We fervently hope that one or more of Maryland's Minutemen exercise their Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms by giving some tyke terrorizing Casa de Maryland rat bastard a high caliber reality check. That's right PIGsters, we're coming right out with it. Any rat bastard to terrorizes children deserves to be goddamn shot. No questions. No exceptions. Just shoot the rat bastards.

For being a rancid piece of border jumper coddling, child terrorizing piece of crap, Gustavo Torres is PIG's Girliescumbag of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: February 24, 2006

Girliemen: Northwest Nazarene University (Nampa, Idaho) Trustees
Girlie Antics: Poised to dump their "Crusaders" nickname because it's "insensitive".

Egged on by the blame-averting refuge of every gutless administrator - the "task force" - Northwest Nazarene University (NNU) trustees are thisclose to dumping their decades old "Crusaders" nickname. Vilified as "insensitive" and "inappropriate" - by Mecca Maniacs and those who worry about another "religion of peace" rampage - the "Crusaders" nickname is destined for extinction. The preferred choices - according to a WND piece - are Cavaliers or Knights, but we prefer the name suggested by NNU alum Robert Duncan. In a letter to NNU President Richard Hagood, Robert made this stop the presses suggestion:

"I would like to suggest that NNU consider adopting a plant as its mascot, and especially one that imbues pure humbleness: the pensive and sublime 'Viola tricolor hortensis.' I can think of nothing that would be more fitting than to hear at future sporting events that loud and clear cheer: 'Let's go, Pansies!'"

For their impending - Crusaders abolishing - surrender to political correctness...for their refusal to honor the historical fact that the Crusades were a belated response to the Islamikaze invasion and bloody conquest of the Middle East, North Africa, Anatolia, Spain and Eastern Europe, NNU's trustees are PIG's Girliemen of the Week.

Back-Stabbing, Traitorous, Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: February 17, 2006

Girliemen: United States Attorney's office punks
Antics: Stacking the deck against two border patrol agents on trial for shooting a border jumping scumbag.

Given all the crap that's happening on our border with Vicente Fox's special circle of hell, the last thing we need is to have our own government putting border patrol agents on trial. The agents - Jose Alonso Compean and Ignacio Ramos - strayed into the Nanny State bull's-eye when they encountered - and shot in the butt - a drug smuggler named Aldrete Davila. Although this drug smuggling punk escaped back into Mexico, Uncle Sam is determined to nail the border patrol agents for doing their sworn duty. As crappy as this is, it gets much, much worse.

'...The prosecution in the case of two Border Patrol agents who allegedly shot an undocumented immigrant in the buttocks a year ago is seeking to exclude from the jury trial any mention of border violence, in particular the recent standoff in Hudspeth County. The motion, filed by the U.S. Attorney's office last week, asks the judge to instruct the defense not to mention during arguments or witness questioning "the alleged dangerous nature of the border."...' (El Paso Times)

Our border patrol agents are, routinely, attacked - shot at, subjected to other assaults - by border jumping scumbags. They are encountering drug smugglers who are protected by heavily armed members of the Mexican military and the defense isn't allowed to mention how dangerous the border has become?

For being gutless panty wearing punks...for punishing our own border patrol agents, but going gooey and girlie whenever Vicente Fox frowns, the U.S. attorney's office punks are PIG's Back-Stabbing, Traitorous, Girliemen of the Week.

Gutless, Panty-Wearing Rat Bastards of the Week
Date Awarded: February 10, 2006

Rat Bastards: The Cringing, Cowardly Appeasers throughout the Western World
Antics: Sacrificing our inalienable liberty to coddle the rampaging Mecca Maniac mutants.

The Arab Street continues to do what comes so naturally and everywhere I look, I find dweebs telling me that we must try to understand the culture that makes these rampaging pinheads a thrill a minute.

The EU and UN plan to appease the rioting Islamikazes by condemning the Danish paper in a joint statement.

The EU Justice and Security Minister is promoting a "media code of conduct" - a muzzle on free speech - that will, among other things, coerce European news outlets into showing "respect for all religious sensibilities". In other words, you better clear that news item through the local Mullah, first, before you even consider running with it, journalism major Sparky.

W tried to cut the baby in half with hot air about free speech coming with a heavy dose of "responsibility".

Pat Buchanan spouted drivel about our need to "understand" these lunatics. It's our fault they're on a rampage, because we were "insensitive" to their culture and sacred beliefs. Blah, blah, blah. I've got your cultural sensitivity right here, appeaser.

For their gutless cowering in front of the rampaging Islamikaze mob...for sacrificing inalienable individual liberty on the altar of 1,400 year old hypersensitivity...for giving liberty-hating Mullahs unrestricted censorship powers, these spineless scumbags are PIG's Panty Wearing Rat Bastards of the Week.

Girliemen of the Week
Date Awarded: February 03, 2006

Girliemen: Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman, plus other White House minons
Antics: Spinning W's State-of-the-Union energy prose.

"[America must] "move beyond a petroleum-based economy and make our dependence on Middle Eastern oil a thing of the past...[America needs to develop technology so we can replace] more than 75 percent of our oil imports from the Middle East by 2025." (George W. Bush on January 31, 2006)

The instant W unleashed the prose I just cited, the usual OPEC suspects - led by our Sandbox pals in Saudi Arabia - started to whine. Unwilling to issue a non-negotiable "Bite me, Sandbox punks", W's Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman cranked up the White House spin machine:

'..."This was purely an example," Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman said. He said the broad goal was to displace foreign oil imports, from anywhere, with domestic alternatives. He acknowledged that oil is a freely traded commodity bought and sold globally by private firms. Consequently, it would be very difficult to reduce imports from any single region, especially the most oil-rich region on Earth. Asked why the president used the words "the Middle East" when he didn't really mean them, one administration official said Bush wanted to dramatize the issue in a way that "every American sitting out there listening to the speech understands." The official spoke only on condition of anonymity because he feared that his remarks might get him in trouble...' (Knight Ridder)

For lacking the nads to state publically that we need to get the Sandbox oil monkey off our backs...for going Girlie and furtive by failing to demand that Amerika develop its own proven oil reserves - oil shale deposits, untapped reserves in Alaska and in our own territorial waters of the left and right coasts - Energy Secretary Bodman and those gutless "anonymous" administration officials are PIG's Girliemen of the Week.

Girlieman of the Week
Date Awarded: January 27, 2006

Girlieman: Andrew Jones, founder of the Bruin Alumni Association
Girlie Antics: Got furtive and gutless when the Eggheads went postal over his bounty on "radical" UCLA professors.

Andrew Jones has scored an unprecedented feat. He's gone from PIG's Hero of the Week (January 20, 2005) to Girlieman of the Week, in seven action packed days. Determined to do something to expose the ideologues who masquerade as teachers, Andrew offered students a $100 bounty for ratting out their "radical" professors:

'...[The Bruin Alumni Association] is offering students payments of up to $100 per class to provide information on instructors who are "abusive, one-sided or off-topic" in advocating political ideologies. The year-old Bruin Alumni Assn. says its "Exposing UCLA's Radical Professors" initiative takes aim at faculty "actively proselytizing their extreme views in the classroom, whether or not the commentary is relevant to the class topic."...' (L.A. Times)

Fast forward to the present and Andrew is channeling his inner Surrender Monkey by running up the white flag. Facing defections from fair weather members of his advisory board and smarting under the relentless verbal assault from UCLA officials, Andrew dumped his bounty and skulked off into well-deserved obscurity.

For fleeing the Ivory Tower kitchen when things got hot...for letting Ivory Tower ideologues hound him into submission, Andrew Jones plunges from PIG Hero of the Week glory to Girlieman of the Week ridicule.

Panty Wearing Hypocrite of the Week
Date Awarded: January 20, 2006

Hypocrite: Senator Teddy "The Swimmer" Kennedy
Antics: Calling Alito a closet sexist while belonging to a club that excludes women.

Calling Tubby Teddy a hypocrite is, we admit, a lot like calling water "wet". We know it's self-evident, but in this case, it's worth mentioning. For a change, we'll let News Max do the heavy lifting on Teddy's bellowing blowhard hypocrisy:

'...When Ted Kennedy tried to chastise Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito for his one-time membership in a group opposed to admitting more woman and minorities to Princeton, the pot was calling the kettle black: Sen. Kennedy still belongs to a social club for Harvard students and alumni that was thrown off campus nearly 20 years ago after refusing to allow female members, an investigation by the Washington Times reveals. According to the membership directory of the Owl Club, Kennedy updated his personal information as recently as September 7. Ironically, the Owl Club, long reviled at Harvard as "sexist,” was evicted from the campus in 1984 for violating federal anti-discrimination laws authored by Kennedy...'

Predictably, Teddy and his spokesholes are trying to "spin" this Owl Club thing, but nobody is buying it. Proving that he knows he's nailed, Teddy is frantically, issuing press releases promising that he's resigning from the Owl Club, ASAP. Nice try Teddy, but PIG already painted a bull's-eye on your ample butt as our Panty Wearing Hypocrite of the Week.

[PIG's perpetrators apologize to those readers who are rendered temporarily blind by the mental image of Tubby Teddy in panties.]

Girlie Man of the Week
Date Awarded: January 12, 2006

Girlie Man: Supernaturalist Smiter Emeritus Pat Roberston
Girlie Antics: Blubbered an Ariel Sharon apology after the Israelis hit him in the wallet.

"God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.'" (Pat Robertson)

Supernaturalist Smiter Emeritus, Pat Robertson, didn't back down when Israeli officials, the White House, and countless rational adults busted his chops over his "Ariel Sharon got what he deserved" hyperbole. Convinced that he was on firm, Cross Cult scripture grounds, he steadfastly ignored the criticism, until the Israeli government hit him in the wallet.

The bovine excrement hit the proverbial cooling device when Israel's Tourism Ministry specifically banned Robertson from an enriching Christian Theme park project in Galilee.

'...[A Tourism Ministry spokesman] said the Christian Heritage Center project was now in question, though he left the door open to develop it with others. "We will not do business with [Robertson], only with other evangelicals who don't back these comments," [Avi] Hartuv said. "We will do business with other evangelical leaders, friends of Israel, but not with him. Those that publicly support Ariel Sharon's recovery ... are welcome to do business with us."...' (AP)

Translation: Take your $50 million dollars and stick it, Pat. Letting his Earthly concerns override his Cross Cultism, Pat got furtive and girlie then spewed this mea culpa:

'...In a letter dated Wednesday and marked for hand delivery to Sharon's son Omri, Robertson called the Israeli prime minister a "kind, gracious and gentle man" who was "carrying an almost insurmountable burden of making decisions for his nation. My concern for the future safety of your nation led me to make remarks which I can now view in retrospect as inappropriate and insensitive in light of a national grief experienced because of your father's illness," the letter said. "I ask your forgiveness and the forgiveness of the people of Israel," Robertson wrote...' (AP)

For putting greed ahead of his theology...for hanging tough, until somebody nailed him in the pocketbook, Pat Robertson is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Panty Wearing Political Punk of the Week
Date Awarded: January 05, 2006

Panty Punk: Mexifornia Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Punkish Antics: Surrendering to Mexifornia's Marxist Meatheads.

Mexifornia's action hero governor sounded far from heroic during the gutless groveling he perpetrated during his State of the State prattling on January 05, 2006. No longer interested in bringing fiscal discipline to the far from Golden State. No longer willing to rein in Mexiforia Marxist legicrats and their public employee union handlers, this Girlie Man Emeritus turned into that most reviled entity: a politician whose only concern is getting re-elected.

The man who came in demanding an audit of state government...the man who vowed to impose fiscal discipline on state legicrats...the man who dared to go toe to toe with Mexifornia's 8,000 pound gorilla, the public employee unions, proposed a red ink on steroids plan that would spend a whopping $222,600,000,000 spending plan. He proposed a business killing $1 an hour increase in the state's minimum wage. After getting his head handed to him by the teacher's union juggernaut in last year's special election, this panty punk begs for forgiveness by dumping $4,300,000,000 down the government cess-school rathole.

Mexifornia voters elected a cost-cutting, fiscal hawk who promised to impose some sanity on the state's out of control government. They got another capitalism-hating, Marxist Meathead son-of-a-bitch who is willing to put the taxpayer into hock until the Sun burns out, because he wants to be re-elected.

For all his gutless, girlie antics, Arnold "The Weasel" Schwarzenegger is PIG's Panty Wearing Political Punk Rat Bastard of the Week.

Girlie Guys and Gals Of The Year
Date Awarded: December 29, 2005

Girlie Guys & Gals : Political Hacks, from The Oval Office to your local Dog Catcher
Girlie Antics: Beat their chests about defending Amerika then ignore the ongoing invasion by Juan, Jose and Guadalupe.

Girlie Guys: Dictators of public morality like L. Brent Bozell III, James Dobson, Donald Wildmon
Girlie Antics: Unable - unwilling - to persuade you to "do the right thing", they undermine our inalienable liberty by imposing their narrow view of morality via Nanny State coercion.

Girlie Guys and Gals: The Elephant Clan Congressional Majority
Girlie Antics: Spout off about tax and spend liberals, and being the party of smaller government while setting records for Pork Barrel spending and federal budget deficits.

Girlie Guys and Gals: Je$$e, and all the Ethnocrats who emulate him
Girlie Antics: Unwilling - unable - to make individuals accountable for their actions, these Ethnocrat pinheads make everything a race issue. Tookie, for example, wasn't executed because he's a murdering rat bastard. Tookums was a tragic victim of state-sponsored racism. Bite me, Je$$e.

Girlie Guys and Gals: The U.S. Supreme Court
Girlie Antics: Tasked to defend our Constitution, a gutless majority deliberately undermined the cornerstone of our liberty with a decision that eviscerates our property rights. Your property is yours, sort of, until some one with deep pockets bribes a political hack to steal it from you.

Girlie Guys and Gals: Liberals from sea to shining sea
Girlie Antics: Terrified by the infamous "L" word they try to deceive the unwary individual by calling themselves "progressives". You can wrap it in a bow and call it a "biological byproduct", but a turd is still a turd.

Girlie Men Of The Week
Date Awarded: December 16, 2005

Girlie Men: The Punks Running Ford Motor Co.
Antics: Their on again, off again ads in certain differently-heterosexual publications

Ford Motor Company seems determined to reset the bar - much, much higher - for spineless, whichever way the prevailing political pressure wind blows, cowardice. The fun started earlier this year, when the defenders of public morality - the American Family Association - announced a "boycott Ford" campaign. The fly in the AFA's ointment involved, among other things, Ford's support of certain differently-sexual organizations. That all changed during the waning days of November, with the AFA's stop the presses, announcement that the boycott was over. Curiously - we're sure it was a coincidence - Ford issued a December 5th statement that the company would no longer advertise Jaguar and Land Rover in GLAAD BAAG publications like 'Out' and 'The Advocate'. Happily ever after in family values land? Hardly.

Ford's antics stirred up a differently-sexual hornets' nest that prompted no less than 19 GLAAD BAAG cabals to demand a meeting with Ford officials. During the ensuing meeting these groups demanded that Ford 'reaffirm it's commitment to diversity and inclusiveness', to continue donating those greenbacks to GLAAD BAAG organizations, and to resume advertising in the aforementioned publications. Trying to please everybody at once, Ford's Vice President of Corporate Human Resources, Joe W. Laymon, decreed that Ford would resume advertising "all eight of its vehicle lines" in 'Out', 'The Advocate' and similar publications. At the same time - and don't ask me what the hell he means - he declared that the "business decision" to stop advertising Jaguar and Land Rover was still in force.

With this level of leadership and resolve, it's small wonder that Ford's profits are in the crapper. They're so busy playing in the public morality arena, they're forgetting to perform their primary job: manufacture and sell rides to willing buyers. You can bet the proverbial agricultural endeavor that Henry Ford wouldn't be distracted this easily. Henry had his flaws, but lacking a spine damn sure wasn't one of them.

For being a spineless, panty wearing punks who stopped taking care of "business" to 'oil' the squeakiest bad publicity wheel...For lacking the nads to stake out a position and stick with it...For allowing themselves to get sucked into Amerika's culture war, Ford Motor Company's corporate executives are PIG's Girlie Men of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: December 09, 2005

Girlieman: West Central School Superintendent Ralph Grimm
Antics: Went girlie when an 8th grader compiled a list of people who irritate him.

Look up, jello-spined, zero tolerance pinhead in your Websters and you'll probably find West Central school district Superintendent Ralph Grimm's mug shot. He showed his true girlie punk colors after he found out that an 8th grade lad in West Central Middle School got busted for - we're not making this up - compiling a list of the students and staff who irritated him. The lad never made any threats of any kind, but the instant Ralphie boy heard about the lad's list, he cowered under his desk, babbling demented, terrified drivel about "Columbine". Okay, you got us, the cowering part is hyperbole, but it does capture the spirit of Ralphie's response.

For the simple act of making a list of people who bug him, the lad got kicked out of school and condemned to the not so tender mercy of Stronghurst, Illinois's justice system. At press time, the lad is being hounded by the state's juvenile probation office and he's under investigation by the Henderson County state's attorney office. All that, for making a list of people who bug him? The lad might be public enemy number one in Illinois, but he's got the right stuff to be a PIG staffer.

For being a gutless bastard, Ralph Grimm is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week. Grow a pair, dude.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: December 02, 2005

Girlie Man: Mexifornia State Senator John Campbell
Girlie Antics: Ducked out on a broadcast debate with Jim Gilchrist

Throughout his long political hack career, a Mexifornia punk named John Campbell, routinely, appeared on KFI's top rated John and Ken show. He checked in with the colorful boom box duo because he liked the name recognition he got from appearing on L.A. radio's 800 pound broadcasting gorilla. Campbell continued that trend during the initial phase of his campaign to win the 48th congressional district's vacant seat, by appearing at a pre-election debate hosted by John and Ken. That was then, but things have changed.

After he failed to win the seat outright, John promised to appear at a second KFI-hosted debate scheduled for the eve of the election. It would give him a chance to face off with his primary rival for the seat, Minuteman founder Jim Gilchrist, one last time before the voters punched those chads. Subsequently, as his lead over his rivals widened, John went girlie and dumped the KFI hosted debate so he could appear on the low rated talk show hosted by VRWC Kool-Aid drinker Emeritus, Hugh Hewitt. Why face a John and Ken interrogation when he could field softball questions from an Elephant Clan toady like Hewitt?

When Campbell pleaded his inability to appear on both shows, due to time and travel considerations, KFI offered to fly him to the debate by helicopter. He refused. They also offered to reset the time for the debate to give him a chance to participate. Again, he refused. They offered to let him participate by phone, or from their studio, but he refused that too. He refused because he's a gutless political punk whose record on border jumping scumbags doesn't stand up to close scrutiny. The last damn thing he wants on election eve is a John and Ken grilling over his border jumping scumbag coddling voting record:

'...In 2000, TheOrange County Register reported that Campbell thought illegal immigrants should receive the same benefits as citizens “since the federal government has not controlled the border to prevent the immigrants from coming in.” As an Assembly member, in 2002, Campbell voted to allow illegal immigrants in state universities to pay in-state tuition and approved the use of Mexican government-issued ID cards for official purposes...' (O.C. Weekly)

For being a border jumping scumbag coddling weasel...For letting his political handlers turn him into another David Dreier class skunk...For lacking the nads to face tough questioning from KFI's dynamic duo, John Campbell is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Panty Wearing Punk Of The Week
Date Awarded: November 25, 2005

Punk: David Marshall, Deputy Minister of Canada's Public Works Department
Punk Antics: Beat a hasty retreat when rational adults vilified his "white males need not apply" hiring policy.

"As executives and managers, our role includes ensuring that the public service is representative. This involves providing direction and leadership by example, and demonstrating a firm commitment to an inclusive workplace. All persons recruited externally must be from designated groups (persons who are visible minorities, aboriginal peoples, persons with disabilities and women), except for cases having received ADM/CEO written approval. This measure will be in force until March 31, 2006, at which time we will re-assess our progress." (David Marshall)

Davie boy was a slam dunk for Korrectnik of the Week after he issued unambiguous orders via an e-mail to all Public Works Department managers that they were banned from hiring white males. Instead, Davie orderd that all new hires must be 'visible minorities, women, aboriginals and the disabled' (National Post). Spouting the usual bovine excrement, Davie whined about the fact that these anointed groups were egregiously under-represented, and the situation seemed to be getting worse. That's when he issued an infamous memo that contained the immortal lines we just cited.

Davie's brave new hiring world collapsed a mere three days later, after Canada's rapidly-disappearing rational adults - plus rational adults residing in the USA - took Davie to task for his affirmative action on steroids antics. Gutless to the core, he went girlie and issued the following policy...correction:

"While the measure proposed last week was short-term and not intended to be a ban on hiring individuals from non-designated groups, it could well lead to this impression. As such I am rescinding this measure immediately. Please accept my apologies." (David Marshall)

For lacking the guts to shrug off the "slings and arrows"... For going gooey and girlie the instant a rational adult stood up to him...For thinking he ever had a prayer of getting away with his "white males need not apply" edict...For being a gutless Korrectnik scumbag, David Marshall is PIG's Panty Wearing Punk of the Week.

Girlie Boys and Girls Of The Week
Date Awarded: November 17, 2005

Girlie Punks: Congress of the United States
Girlie Antics: Smoke and mirrors "defunding" Ted Stevens' "Bridge to Nowhere".

Voter outrage is great motivator, but don't take our word for it. The instant "Bridge to Nowhere" became a household phrase, the hacks started wilting under the heat of voter outrage. That's why, in a cynical "there's an election coming" move, our elected tormentors have "defunded" Ted Stevens' now infamous "Bridge to Nowhere". If you're thinking this saves the allotted $233 from that notorious pork barrel rathole we call Alaska, guess again. "Defunding" means that Capitol Hill cretins needed some plausible deniability, so they removed their specific authorization to have the bridge built. Alaska still gets the money, and, if they so choose, the bridge could still be built with your $233,000,000, but in this case the hack in the bull's-eye is Alaska Governor Murkowski, not the U. S. Congress.

For letting the fear of Ted Stevens turn them girlie and furtive...For shifting the blame instead of having the nads to nuke this asinine pork project...For thinking any-damn-body would be fooled by this smoke and mirrors crap, the entire Congress of the United States gets to share PIG's Girlie Boys and Girls Award this week.

Girlie Men Of The Week
Date Awarded: November 10, 2005

Girlie Men: Certain 'moderate' Elephant Clan Congresspunks.
Girlie Antics: Killed a bill that would expand our domestic oil and natural gas supply.

Two dozen "moderate" Elephant Clan congresspunks vow to dump the hotly debated deficit reduction bill making its way through congress, if the GOP leadership doesn't pull clause that oks drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Some Florida Elephant Clan dweebs are equally determined to kill the bill, if it opens up the east and west coast to off shore natural gas drilling. I'm guessing that dweebs who ride to work in a limo don't spend any time staring at the price on a gas pump. They're equally unfazed by their heating bill since you're shelling out for it, taxpayer Sparky.

Aren't these the same Capitol Hill pissants who are bellowing, blithering and pontificating about "obscene", "excessive" and "windfall" oil company profits? Aren't these the same punks who are grilling certain oil company executives in staged for T.V. hearings? If they're so worried about runaway oil company profits why do they keep erecting roadblocks that prevent rational adults from increasing the oil and natural gas supply?

For their gutless pandering to the howling mob that hasn't got a clue about how business works...For their steadfast refusal to stop spending like a sailor on his first shore leave in 2 years...For caving in, again, to the caterwauling Greenie Weenies, these nameless - the nadless scumbags know who they are - congresspunks are PIG's Girlie Men of The Week.

Caterwauling Crybaby Of The Week
Date Awarded: November 03, 2005

Crybaby: Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
Antics: Whine, Whine, Whine.

PIG has just about had all we can stand from this Marxist asshat. Every damn day, he's whining about something new. During the past few days he's been in the news spewing a demented Hugo double of unrequited angst:

Whine: Columbia is out to get him.

'...In an interview with the Caracas-based Telesur television station late Tuesday, Chavez said his government has "many pieces of evidence" that "conspiracies are hatched against us in Colombian intelligence bodies."...'

'...He did not provide details of any specific violent plots, but said there are elements in Colombia "who obey Washington" and who attack Venezuela with false claims about him supporting leftist rebels...' (AP)

First Pat Robertson was out to get Hugo, then Uncle Sam himself was after this Marxist whiner. Now it's some secret cabal in Columbia. Get over yourself, Hugo.

Whine: Halloween is a dastardly Amerikan plot against Hugo

'..."What they have implanted here, which is really a 'gringo' custom, is terrorism. They disguise children as witches and wizards, that is contrary to our culture."...' (AFP)

Yeah, right, Hugo, some snoot-nosed tyke in a witches hat is out to get you. Maybe if you pull your head out of your butt, the voices will stop filling your noggin with this bovine excrement. Grow a pair, Hugo.

For past, present and future outbursts - including his newest threat to sell his F-16s to China and/or Cuba, Hugo Chavez is enshrined as PIG's first Caterwauling Crybaby of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: October 27, 2005

Girlie Man: Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott, Jr.
Girlie Antics: Using government coercion to gain a competitive advantage.

Although the firm he runs is the 9,000 pound gorilla that dominates Amerika's retail marketplace. Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott, Jr. is not a happy camper. Painfully aware that trade unionists and other capitalism hating dweebs pin a "king of the capitalist exploiters" bull's-eye on his firm, H. Lee decided to get some good publicity by using government coercion to nail Wal-Mart's competitors.

Taking dead aim at the most popular slam against this retailing behemoth, H. Lee starts by proclaiming Wal-Mart's enlightened pay policy: "Wal-Mart maintains that it pays above the current $5.15 an hour minimum wage to its employees." Fair enough, but Wal-Mart's CEO doesn't stop there. He is throwing Wal-Mart's deep pockets behind a quest to get congress to raise the minimum wage:

"While it is unusual for us to take a public position on a public policy issue of this kind, we simply believe it is time for Congress to take a responsible look at the minimum wage and other legislation that might help working families."

[Translation: I want Congress to use the government's monopoly on the use of force to compel our competitors to raise their wages to match our existing pay scale. This should make the anti-capitalists cut us some slack and, hopefully make them give our marketplace rivals as much grief as they give us.]

For inviting more Nanny State intrusion into the marketplace...For using Nanny State coercion to put rival companies at a competitive disadvantage...For advocating a failed government policy - the minimum wage - that has a well-documented deleterious impact on employment, H. Lee Scott, Jr. is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week

Runner Up: MLB Vice President for Business, Tim Brosnan
Antics: This humor challenged MLB executive didn't see the mirth in the new "Got Milk" campaign.

"There is nothing humorous about steroid abuse. I would think that the California Milk Processor Board and their advertising agency would know better regarding an issue that threatens America's youth.'' (Tim Bronson on the new "Got Milk" campaign.)

The fun started when the California Milk Processor Board decided to make the baseball playoffs memorable with a new "Got Milk" ad campaign that satirizes the league's new get tough policy on steroids. Faster than a Nolan Ryan heater, MLB 'suits' went postal, giving the milk wrangling board a treasure trove of free publicity. Unimpressed, but too polite to say "Bite me", these milk promoters sat back to enjoy MLB's asinine antics.

The ads, according to the milk board, use parody to tell everyone that "milk is good for you, that milk actually does many of the things that people hope those wonder drugs might do for them and does so naturally" (San Francisco Chronicle):

'...In the first in the group of spots, called "Caught,'' a television sports anchor reports, "Home run hitter Dave Laden was pulled from last night's lineup after testing positive for a performance-enhancing substance.'' We next see a coach reaching into a locker and pulling out a carton of milk. The star tells reporters as he leaves the stadium, "I don't know how that got in there ... I think I'm being unfairly singled out. This stuff is everywhere. You can buy it in broad daylight. It's on about every corner. That's it, guys.'' In a voice-over, an announcer delivers the tag line "Got milk?''...'

'...In "Manager,'' an interviewer asks a team manager the sorts of questions Americans might ask about the steroid scandal, such as how telltale signs were overlooked. The ad cuts to black-and-white security camera footage of two baseball players pouring milk in a locker room. The skipper squirms, saying virtually nothing...' (Chronicle).

For lacking the ability to laugh at the sport he promotes...For failing to appreciate classic Amerikan parody, MLB V.P. Tim Bronsnan get's runner up 'honors' as PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: October 20, 2005

Girlie Man: Indiana Pacers guard Stephen Jackson
Girlie Antics: Had a whining, race card wrangling, hissy fit over the NBA's new dress code.

Indiana Pacers guard, Stephan Jackson, went into a full blown girlie man hissy fit the instant the NBA's top dog, Commissioner David Stern, announced his new dress code policy. Among other things Stern's off the court dress code rules mandate "business casual" attire (sports jackets shoes and socks), for non-participating players sitting on the bench or attending official NBA functions. In addition to banning "sleeveless shirts, shorts, sunglasses and headphones", the new rules also take dead aim at "bling":

'...A section in the new dress code listing items players are not allowed to wear on team or league business includes "chains, pendants or medallions worn over the player's clothing."..' (ESPN)

Unable to be a man about the ban on bling, Stevie went girlie by whipping out his race card to whine:

'...Jackson voiced no opposition to the bulk of the "business casual" demands in the NBA's new dress code, but he described the jewelry ban as "attacking young black males." "I think it's a racist statement because a lot of the guys who are wearing chains are my age and are black," said Jackson, 27. "I wore all my jewelry today to let it be known that I'm upset with it."...' (ESPN, emphasis added)

For us inability to grow up, by acting (and dressing) like a grown man...For his gutless, race card waving whining, Pacers guard Stephen Jackson is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: October 14, 2005

Girlie Man: MLB Umpire Doug Eddings
Girlie Antics: After blowing a crucial call on a nationally televised game, he didn't have the stones to admit his mistake.

"Doug was always far from perfect on the field, even in the minor leagues. Witnessing major protestation over one of his calls is nothing new, and most of the time, the senior members of his crew have to be the ones to step in and mitigate the damage - which is what we saw last night in Chicago." (Sports by Brooks Internet site, emphasis added)

Doug Eddings stumbled into ignobility during the second game of the American League Championship series, but he's not granted Girlie Man status for his actions on the field. His infamous moment came later, after the game. Confused? Don't be, because if you're one of those "screw baseball" dweebs, here are the Cliff Notes on 'the play':

Situation: Bottom of the 9th with the score tied at one apiece. There were two outs, plus two strikes on the batter, A.J Pierzynski.

The play: Chicago White Sox batter A.J. Pierzynski swings at a pitch and misses it. Umpire Doug Eddings calls strike three and makes a gesture with his arm that usually means 'you're out'. The catcher snags the pitch just before it hits the dirt, making the "you're out dude" a given. With the inning over, the catcher rolls the ball to the pitcher's mound and starts for the dugout with his team.

Since Umpire Eddings call wasn't emphatic, and didn't include "you're out", Pierzynski decides that the pitch did hit the dirt, making it a dropped third strike. That means if he reaches base safely, the inning isn't officially over. Since the Angels were off the field, reaching base safely was a slam dunk.

The outcome: After some prolonged 'discussion' between the umpires and the Angel's manager, the game continued and minutes later, the pinch runner who replaced Pierzynski scored the winning run.

Doug's moment in the spotlight: At the press conference afterwards, despite the fact that taped replays show the catcher grabbing the ball before it hit the dirt, Doug Eddings continued to spin his well-documented ineptitude with every excuse in the book.

For lacking the nads to admit that he blew the call...For being so gutless he wouldn't even consider the possibility that he screwed up royally, Doug Eddings is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: October 06, 2005

Girlie Man: George W. Bush
Girlie Antics: Ducked a fight/public debate, over the Supreme Court's legitimate function.

When the president announced Harriet Miers as his nominee to replace Sandra Day O'Connor, rational adults from sea to shining sea were assaulted by the sight of lefties like Harry Reid, Dianne Feinstein and a host of other Donkey Clan cretins celebrating W's "enlightened" choice. At the same time, key members of the VRWC horde were, at minimum "bummed" and at maximum "irate" that W didn't have the nads to fight for a candidate with the guts to be Scalia-class originalist. W, according to the VRWC, made a choice from weakness, because he didn't have the stomach for a fight.

When the bovine excrement hit the VRWC fan with a resounding splat, W defended this blatant dose of cronyism by spouting drivel about Ms. Meirs religiosity - she's an Evangelical - and Supreme Court diversity. Columnist George Will gutted the diversity drivel with this rapier-like prose:

'...Under the rubric of ``diversity'' -- nowadays, the first refuge of intellectually disreputable impulses -- the president announced, surely without fathoming the implications, his belief in identity politics and its tawdry corollary, the idea of categorical representation. Identity politics holds that one's essential attributes are genetic, biological, ethnic or chromosomal -- that one's nature and understanding are decisively shaped by race, ethnicity or gender. Categorical representation holds that the interests of a group can only be understood, empathized with and represented by a member of that group.

The crowning absurdity of the president's wallowing in such nonsense is the obvious assumption that the Supreme Court is, like a legislature, an institution of representation. This from a president who, introducing Miers, deplored judges who "legislate from the bench.''...' (Town Hall)

Afraid to face the inevitable Donkey Clan carping, the president wimped out instead. By so doing, he robbed this nation of the national debate on the legitimate role of the U.S. Supreme Court as laid out in the Constitution. Instead of choosing a contentious, but courageous, nominee like Janice Rogers Brown, W went girlie and furtive instead.

For trying to cover up his fear of political confrontation with his tired "trust me" blithering...For kowtowing to lefty hacks like Harry Reid, Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein, George W. Bush is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Weasel Of The Week
Date Awarded: September 29, 2005

[Attention PIGsters: PIG decided that "Girlie Man" is too complimentary for this week's winner. That's why we decided to name this Flordia scumbag Weasel of the Week.]

Weasel: Fla. State Representative Randy Johnson.
Antics: Doesn't have the nads to tell his homeboys to enact a constitutional amendment Florida citizens passed, twice.

Terrified that he'll outrage his VRWC constituents, a gutless, legicrat weasel named Randy Johnson, is on a Quixotean quest to repeal a constitutional amendment that expands gambling in the Sunshine State. Although this amendment was passed by Florida's citizens, then ratified, again, by the voters in Broward County, this hack is compelled to coddle the pea brains who support him, by overturning the new law that allows slot machines in four Broward County pari-mutuel facilities. Instead of obeying the will of the people, this elected cretin keeps dithering over the legislation that will set the rules of engagement for these slot machines.

"To me, the reason this thing passed is that the slots industry benefited from a perfect storm," Johnson said. "There were four hurricanes in a busy political seasons and there were eight referendums on the ballot. The people listened to the loudest voice, the $14 million spent by the pari-mutuels." (Sun-Sentinel)

Unable to be a man and obey the will of the voters, even when they go against his VRWC adherents, this clown continues to stall, hoping this whole thing will just magically go away, some-damn-how. For taking the easy way out by doing nothing...For giving the citizens of Florida the proverbial finger, Randy Johnson is PIG's Weasel of the Week.

Girlie Girl Of The Week
Date Awarded: September 15, 2005

Girlie Girl: Marcela Davison Aviles, executive director of San Jose's Mexican Heritage Plaza
Antics: Cancelled a public forum on Border Jumping when Colonistas maligned the featured speaker, Minuteman founder Chis Simcox, as a "racist".

Granting the Border Jumper coddlers what rational adults call a "hecklers' veto", this jello spined wench caved in to threats of violence from the usual Colonista suspects by cancelling a forum about our egregiously unprotected borders. Vowing to stage a "rally and vigil" - Colonista code for a rock and bottle throwing riot - Border Jumper coddlers were especially outraged that the public forum would take place on Mexican Independence Day.

Wilting under the threats of violence, Marcela black flagged the public forum, then relented, sort of, when she and the public forum's sponsor - the Commonwealth Club of California - decided to reschedule the forum, for some unspecified date in the future, without Minuteman founder Simcox. Furthermore, jello spine Aviles wants to let the Colonista asshats participate so they can silence any rational "protect or damn borders, now" adults through intimidation and a noisy filibuster.

For being a spineless, Colonista-coddling wench who gives the Border Jumper invaders the power to silence debate through threats of violence, Marcela Davison Avila is PIG's first Girlie Girl of the Week.

Girlie Men Of The Week
Date Awarded: September 08, 2005

Girlie Men: Korrectnik (alleged) journalists from sea to shining sea
Girlie Antics: Turned into gutless jellyfish the instant Je$$e play the race card.

Je$$e has his race card flailing extortionist panties in a bunch because so many News Nitwit's are using the "R" word to describe those individuals who, quite correctly, concluded that Big Easy, in its present state is unliveable. And what, you ask is this reviled word that is, in Je$$e's fevered brain, blatantly racist? "Refugee". That's right, Je$$e is having a rhyming hissy fit because those liberated from New Orleans are being called refugees. Je$$e needs to take a chill pill, because, as columnist William Safire so aptly put it, "A refugee is a person who seeks refuge."

In a heart beat, these press card packing jellyfish went furtive and girlie over a perfectly appropriate word like "refugee" and started a frantic Thesaurus search for a kinder gentler term. PIG expects these race baiting antics from Je$$e, but it's utterly unacceptable that the News Nitwits allow him to get away with this crap. For being cringing cowards...For letting a race-baiting, Ethnocrat extortionist redefine the real meaning of a fuzzball word like "refugee" Amerikan News Nitwits from sea to shining sea are this week's Girlie Men of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: August 24, 2005

Girlie Man: State Senator Robert Jubelirer
Antics: Had a hissy fit when the Young Conservatives of Pennsylvania (YCOP) held his feet to the fire after he gave himself a 34% pay increase.

Outraged by the pay raise that Pennsylvania legicrats voted for themselves, secretly, in the dead of night, without any public notice or debate, the YCOP decided to share the thrilling news with Pennsylvania taxpayers via a public service ad campaign. Although the ad campaign nailed several top legicrats - President Pro Tempore Robert Jubelirer, Senate Majority Leader David J. “Chip” Brightbill (R.-Lebanon), Sen. Noah Wenger (R.-Lancaster), Senate Minority Leader Robert Mellow (D.-Lackawanna) and House Minority Leader H. William DeWeese (D.-Greene) - only girl man Jubelirer got huffy about it:

'...Jubelirer, the first to be attacked, said he is offended by the campaign. A spot that aired in his Altoona district notifies constituents that Jubilee upped his pay to $145,553 a year, with an increase of 34%. It ends, "Sen. Bob Jubilee: Raising our taxes and his salary, since 1975."...' (Human Events)

Senator Jubelirer was so threatened by the ad that he ginned up an ad of his own. Furthermore, his minions are making noises about suing the YCOP. He's shocked and dismayed that the YCOP isn't more appreciative after he, single-handedly, perpetrated 25 years of Elephant Clan control in the state senate and steadfastly promoted such core conservative principles as secretly giving oneself a 34% pay raise. If he wants a prize the YCOP might give him a goddamn plaque, but a 34% pay raise is out of the question.

For being a greedy, spineless asshat who isn't man enough to take responsibility for his own actions, Pennsylvania State Senator Robert Jubelirer is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: August 18, 2005

Girlie Man: Hell-A Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa
Antics: Went mushy when a Mexifornia legicrat wrote a bill that would help him fulfill a campaign pledge.

During the hotly contested election for Hell-A mayor, Antonio made a bold, badly needed suggestion when he stated that the Hell-A mayor should be given control over the on-going educrap disaster named the Los Angeles Unified School District. Among other things, Antonio wanted the power to appoint new members to the school board, subject to City Council approval. As ideas go, this one is long overdue, given the sorry shape L.A. Unified is in.

Aware that L.A. Unified overlaps other Hell-A Basin cities in addition to Hell-A, a Mexifornia legicrat, state Senator Gloria Romero, served up a bill in the Mexifornia legislature that would let Antonio fulfill his campaign pledge. All she needs to put it over the top is Mayor Villaraigosa's endorsement. There's just one pesky problem...Antonio went girlie after the election and is back-peddling on his bold educrap notion. The smart money opines that Antonio hasn't got the nads to take on the mega powerful California teachers union. That explains, to PIG's satisfaction, why Antonio isn't returning Senator Romero's calls.

Terminally girlie Antonio appointed a commission to study the issue so he can "build a consensus of support from teachers, parents and state legicrats". Translation: terminally ambitious Antonio wants no part of any political hot potato, unless it's a virtual slam dunk. If a fix ain't easy, and isn't a virtual no lose situation, Girlie Man Antonio wants no part of it. For his gutless political antics, Hell-A mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: August 10, 2005

Girlie Man: Carlsbad (Mexifornia) Unified School District Superintendent John Roach
Girlie Antics: On August 5 Girlie Man John cancelled a State Senator's town hall meeting on immigration. He went girlie a second time on August 9 - two days before the scheduled meeting - when faced with a lawsuit he couldn't win.

Determined to put the border jumping scumbag disaster on the front political burner, Mexifornia State Senator Bill Morrow booked the Carlsbad public meeting hall on Carlsbad High School's campus, for an August 11 town meeting titled "The Illegal Immigration Crisis". He lined up such notables as PIG hero emeritus, Congressman Tom Tancredo, Minuteman founder Jim Gilchrist, former San Diego mayor and talk show stellar, Roger Hedgecock, plus assorted other experts. It all went swimmingly, until August 5 - less than a week before the meeting - when Carlsbad Unified's Superintendent, John Roach, cancelled the town hall meeting:

'...Roach cited a school board policy that allows the superintendent to deny use "if an event poses an unreasonable risk of damage to the facility, equipment, or furnishings, and that might jeopardize the security, health, and well-being of an audience or of the community. Based on my understanding of the recent events in Garden Grove, Baldwin Park, and Campo, it is my belief that the event you had planned poses exactly such a risk," Roach said Thursday, reading from the letter he had faxed to Morrow's office. "These events seem to have a tendency of gathering busloads of supporters and opposition who yell at each other and get violent. That's not an appropriate use of the facility."...' (North Coast Times)

Undeterred, state Senator Morrow, nailed Girlie Man Roach with a lawsuit:

'...Morrow said a state appeals court ruled in 1998 that canceling an event because of threats of violence from opponents of the event amounted to an unconstitutional prior restraint on free speech called a "heckler's veto."...' (Times)

Despite public chest pounding from the usual border jumping scumbag coddling suspects, Superintendent Roach went Girlie again late Tuesday evening (August 9), when his shysters told him he was headed for a public hammering in court the next morning. That fast, Girlie Man Roach, belatedly, remembered a certain venerable American goodie called the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution: "I really believe the First Amendment issues regarding free speech outweighed the concerns I had regarding crowd behavior".

For his spineless antics...for allowing himself to be intimidated by border jumping scumbag coddling asshats, John Roach is named PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Men Of The Week
Date Awarded: August 03, 2005

Girlie Men: Barry Bonds and Rafael Palmeiro
Girlie Antics: Neither is man enough to admit "Yup, I took steroids."

After his ringing "I never took steroids" statements during the congressional steroid use hearings, Rafael Palmeiro seemed like the last person who might get nailed by a drug test. His public denials might explain why, when he tested positive this week, Rafael channeled his girlie side by expressing shock and confusing over the test results. No doubt, he'll echo the claim used by so many shocked V.D. "victims" and claim he caught "steroids" from a toilet seat. Yeah, right dude.

Barry Bonds continues to deny the obvious fact that his home run prowess is due to steroid use, but that's not enough to land him in the Girlie Man winner's circle. What gets 'er done for Barry is his malingering...the way he's milking his 'injury', to keep him off the field during Major League Baseball's steroid use crackdown. PIG is trying its best to feel Barry's pain: he can't pound out those homers without his steroids, but he doesn't dare use those steroids during this drug use crackdown. Going classically Girlie, Barry did what the gutless always do, he picked up his toys and went home.

For refusing to publically admit their steroid use, Rafael Palmeiro and Barry Bonds are this weeks Girlie Men of The Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: July 27, 2005

Girlie Man: Miami Dophins Rookie, Manuel Wright
Girlie Antics: Started blubbering when Dolphins head coach Nick Saban gave him a verbal enema.

When you're 6-6 and weigh at least 290 pounds...When you're tough enough at your defensive tackle position to get drafted by a pro team...You better be tough enough to take a coach's tongue lashing without breaking into Girlie Man tears and fleeing into the locker room. If this is what happens on Manny's first full pads day in camp, this weepy wimp probably doesn't have the right stuff to play pro football.

Normally, this PIG scribbler might cut 21 year old Manny some slack, but not this time. The fact that he played his college ball at University of Southern California is reason enough to invoke my lovely bride's all purpose solution: "Just shoot the bastard". Tragically, the proper authorities - those damn killjoys - frown on such things, so I'll do the next best thing by making him Girlie Man of the Week.

Weasels Of The Week
Date Awarded: July 20, 2005

[Attention PIGsters: PIG decided that "Girlie Man" is too complimentary for this week's winners. That's why we decided to name these cringing, Capitol Hill cretins Weasels of the Week.]

Weasels: The United States Senate
Antics: These traitorous asshats steadfastly refuse to do a damn thing about the border jumping scumbag invasion.

This week, the Senate Foreign Relations Committee gets special - Girlieman on Steroids - attention due to its spineless acquiescence when Mexico's former foreign minister - Jorge Casteneda - dictated Mexico's non-negotiable terms for an Amerikan surrender in our war with border jumping scumbag invaders. According to this Mexican son-of-a-goddamn-bitch, the following terms must be accepted, before Mexico will even consider stemming the border jumping scumbag tide:

1) Amnesty - and a path to automatic citizenship - for all Mexicans living in the U.S.

2) Uncle Sam must allow at least 5 million additional Mexican invaders to enter Amerika during the next 10 years.

3) Uncle Sam must pump billions, perhaps trillions, of dead presidents into Mexico.

At no point, during this south of the border bastard's blatant affront to United States sovereignty did any U.S. Senator challenge this Colonista cretin.

The day after this spineless committee's meeting, the entire U.S. Senate refused to authorize funding for the '2,000 new border security agents and 8,000 new detention beds every year for the next five years' that were mandated in December 2004's intelligence overhaul bill.

For refusing to defend Amerika's sovereignty, these traitorous U.S. Senator are PIG's Weasels of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: July 13, 2005

Girlie Man: Karl Rove
Antics: Karl set President Bush up for a telling political hit, by not admitting his role in the alleged "outing" of CIA agent Valeria Plame.

PIG gives Karl his props for his political expertise and agrees with his shyster that Karl, apparently, didn't break any laws when he babbled to that reporter about Joe Wilson (Mr. Valerie Plame) and his wife's antics in Nigeria in 2002. Karl didn't win the coveted Girlie Man of The Week for what he did. He's getting this prestigious award for what he didn't do. When the heat was on, when his homeboy, George W. Bush, put himself on the line by swearing to fire the babbler if he, she, heshe or it worked in the White House, Karl didn't have the nads to stand up and say, "I'm the one, but let me explain how it happened." Instead, he set up George W. Bush to take this political hit and never strayed from that course.

Differently-manly all the way, Karl hunkered down and hoped the libs would get over it. When they didn't, when the issue heated up again, this month, Karl still didn't have the nads to own up to his - admittedly legal, but just barely - actions. For his nadless, spineless, antics, Karl "King Of VRWC Kool-Aid" Rove is PIG's Girlie Man of The Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: July 6, 2005

Winner: ABC Network Executives
Antics: Canceled a new reality show days before it was scheduled to hit the so-called "public" airwaves.

Essentially a "let's laugh at the some WASP pinheads" adventure in boob tube reality, "Welcome to the Neighborhood" showcased three white, Christian, Mexas families who were given the task of choosing the family who would be allowed to move into a vacant house on their street. Determined to elicit all those legendary great white Christian bigot responses, the show's producers pulled out the stops when it came to selecting the 'candidate' families:

'...[The three dastardly oppressive families] must choose from families that are black, Hispanic and Asian; two gay white men who've adopted a black child; a couple covered in tattoos and piercings; a couple who met at the woman's initiation as a witch; and a poor white family...' (Washington Post)

Taking a page from the family values warriors' playbook, GLAAD BAAGs hissed, spit and carried on about the way the unaired show gave a tacit seal of approval to "intolerance and bigotry". Spineless, in the extreme, ABC's executives channeled their "Girlie" and dumped the bought, paid for and ready to air show in record time.

For their egregiously Korrectnik, cowardice under GLAAD BAAG fire, ABC's network executives are PIG's Girliemen Of The Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: June 29, 2005

Winner: President George W. Bush
Antics: Promoting liberty for Iraqis, while ducking hot button domestic issues like the Border Jumping Scumbag invasion and the Supreme Court's abolition of property rights in the USA.

Willing to stand firm when faced with mounting criticism about his antics in Iraq, President Bush turns furtive and utterly girlie when the subject changes to certain vital, domestic issues. Too pig-headed to admit that his proposed amnesty for border jumping scumbags is an utter disaster, President Bush steadfastly refuses to stop playing the fool for his daddy, Vicente Fox.

President George W. Bush is unflinchingly girlie when he won't do a damn thing to prevent the 500,000,000 chronically-needy parasites who live south of the Rio Grande from invading Amerika. Additionally, President Bush watched the United States Supreme Court repeal the "inalienable" property rights upon which our liberty depends and didn't say one goddamn word. That's capital "G" Girlie.

For lacking the nads to face up to domestic issues that threaten the inalienable individual liberty of every Amerikan citizen, President George W. Bush is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: June 22, 2005

Winner: Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist
Antics: His so-called leadership makes a world class procrastinator look decisive.

According to the Karl Rove doctored spin from the VRWC Kool-Aid drinkers, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist spent most of 2005 on a valiant quest for a Legicrat Holy Grail called "the nuclear option". Sadly, the truth isn't quite that heroic. For months now, real Democrats like Senator Harry Reid, Senator Ted Kennedy and Senator Bobby Byrd kept 'heroic' Senator Frist on a beltway-class snipe hunt, assuring the fearless "leader" that success was just around the next senate office building corner. Meanwhile, virtual Democrats like John McCain slipped up behind Senator Frist and gave him a painful political wedgie with McCain's Senate Filibuster Sellout.

This week, it was Senator Harry Reid's turn to give Frist a Capitol Hill wedgie by blocking the Bolton nomination, again, with another filibuster. That's how Little Billy Frist ended up here. For lacking the right stuff to exert the leadership his post requires...For letting anyone with a spine overwhelm, befuddle and humiliate him, Senate Majority [alleged] Leader Bill Frist is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: June 12, 2005

Winner: Palm Beach County Commissioner Burt Aaronson.
Antics: Knuckled under to No Nad harpies by promoting two No Nad bathroom stalls for every stall and urinal in the Dude bathroom.

With all the important issues solved, Palm Beach County Commissioners went regulatory bonkers over an issue that hits very close to home: the alarming - to them - inequity in public bathroom facilities. County Commissioners are shocked, shocked I tell you that women are forced to wait in line for their turn to answer nature's call, while men breeze in, do their business then breeze out in a fraction of the time.

County Commissioner Burt Aaronson channeled his 'female side', felt his sisters' pain and proposed that, henceforth public bathroom facilities must perpetrate at least 1.5 stalls for the fair sex for every men's stall or urinal. When pressed, this alleged male admits that he'd be much happier with a 2 to 1 ratio.

For surrendering his nads to the No Nad harpies, this alleged male is PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: May 29, 2005

Winner: Robby Gordon
Antics: Turned girlie because he's afraid to compete with Danica Patrick

That whine coming from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway isn't the sound of engines revving up for the big race, it's the din sent up by male drivers who whimper that rookie Indy driver, Danica Patrick, has an unfair weight advantage. Most of the noise is coming from NASCAR Robby Gordon, a caterwauling crybaby who isn't even entered in the race:

"The lighter the car, the faster it goes. Do the math. Put her in the car at her weight, then put me or Tony Stewart in the car at 200 pounds and our car is at least 100 pounds heavier. I won't race against her until the IRL does something to take that advantage away." (Robby 'Crybaby' Gordon as quoted by ESPN)

According to the bright bulbs who spend their lives computing such things, Danica's weight advantage gives her, at most, a 1mph advantage. We're shocked, shocked, I tell you. The fun fact about Indy is that the fastest car in the pack doesn't always win. There's more to Indy than raw speed. Strategy, driving skills and racing luck, routinely, overcome a slight speed advantage.

For being a gutless, "she's a dirty cheater" whiner, Robby Gordon is this week's Girlie Man of The Week.

Runner Up: House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
Antics: Whined about a swipe 'Law and Order' took at him

"Looks like the same shooters. CSU found the slug in a post, matched it to the one that killed Judge Barton. Maybe we should put out an APB for somebody in a Tom DeLay T-Shirt." (A Detective on a recent 'Law and Order' episode about the death of a federal judge.)

The instant Elephant Clan pit bull, Tom "Junkyard Dog" DeLay heard the foregoing line from 'Law and Order' he went publically postal, demanding an apology from NBC exec Jeff Zucker. DeLay's repose is more than a tad ironic, considering how often Tommy verbally eviscerates his enemies with his poisonous, Lone Star State prose.

For being a classic example of "he loves to dish it out, but he can't take it" cretin, Little Tommy DeLay gets a dishonorable mention in PIG's Girlie Man of The Week sweepstakes.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: May 22, 2005

Winner: Vicente Fox
Antics: Shot off his mouth then spent a week 'explaining'.

"There's no doubt that the Mexican men and women - full of dignity, willpower and a capacity for work - are doing the work that not even blacks want to do in the United States." (Vicente Fox at a meeting of the Texas-Mexico Frozen Food Council on Friday, May 13.)

The minute the "work that not even blacks want to do" bovine excrement hit the proverbial fan, Vicente went gooey and girlie, trying his best to 'explain' what he really meant to Amerika's most infamous Ethnocrat, Je$$e Jackson. First, he tried 'getting 'er done' via a press release. When that didn't fly, he tried again, during a private meeting with Je$$e on Wednesday. Vicente continued his spaghetti-spined effort to extract his foot from his mouth on Sunday (May 23) when he appeared on an Amerikan boom box show with Je$$e. No doubt, El Presidente will continue his weasel word antics until everyone stops listening, or Je$$e gets a hefty Vicente donation to Je$$e's favorite charity: Je$$e Jackson.

Normally, PIG would cut a dude some slack if he spouted the kind of drivel that put Vicente on the hot seat. Normally...But, since this is Vicente, a dude we never liked, we're willing to claim our own pound of El Presidente's flesh. That's why, for refusing to stand by his heat of the moment prose...for lacking the nads to simply apologize, if that's what this week's asinine Vicente antics were supposed to be...for his obscene obeisance to a clown like Je$$e, Vicente Fox is PIG's Girlie Man of The Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: May 14, 2005

Winner: Border Patrol Tucson Sector Chief Michael Nicely
Antics: Banned Minuteman Project co-founder from a Border Patrol press conference

A certain Arizona-based Border Patrol official is so irate over the highly successful Minuteman Project that he banned a newspaper man - Arizona Tumbleweed publisher and co-founder of the Minuteman Project, Chris Simcox - from attending a press conference with Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff. If you're looking for a culprit here, the buck seems to stop at Border Patrol Tucson Sector Chief Michael Nicely's desk.

'...Simcox said he was told Border Patrol Tucson Sector Chief Michael Nicley said he could not attend the press conference Thursday, but was given no reason. Simcox said he was told to call Nicley for the reason he was denied access, but, as of Friday, he had not returned several phone calls...' (WND)

Sector Chief Nicely needs to pull his head out of his bureaucratic ass and pay more attention to the job Amerikan taxpayers pay him to do. It's a damn shame that Michael Nicely isn't as diligent about keeping scumbags from invading the USA, as he is about keeping his nemesis, Chris, from Border Patrol news conferences. If Sector Chief Nicely did his job properly, Chris Simcox wouldn't need to take time out from his fishwrap to patrol our undefended borders.

PIG has bad news and good news for Sector Chief Nicely. The bad news is that you're a petty bureaucratic tyrant who needs to be fired, right goddamn now. The good news is that you just aced this week's Girlie Man of The Week Sweepstakes.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: May 7, 2005

Winner: Rupert Murdock and His New York Post Twerps
Antics: Scuttled the Post's online registration lunacy when it got too 'hot' to handle.

The New York Post's Draconian online registration scheme died an untimely demise today, when the paper's designated rational adult nuked the intrusive scheme after two day sojourn in the bad publicity meat grinder. Demanding chapter and verse from aspiring Post readers - including name, address, age, home phone number and income level - the Post's asinine registration scheme set off a powerful, 'kiss my ass' backlash, inside and outside the fishwrap.

The Post unceremoniously pulled the plug after the Drudge Report - and countless others, no doubt - threatened to delink articles emanating from the Post, refusing to discuss the issue. The New York Daily News' Lloyd Grove gloats that calls to Post executives Lachlan Murdock and Col Allan were never returned then chortles that Post PR punk, Howard Rubenstein responded, belatedly, with a terse, "No comment.". If, as it now appears, this was a clever Post plot to drive down readership on its Internet site, the scheme worked like gang busters. No doubt, it seemed like a nifty idea at the time, but don't ask this pagan scribbler to answer the burning question: Why?

For refusing to be a 'man' about this monumental media mistake, Ruport Murdock is PIG's Girlie Man of The Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: April 30, 2005

Winner: Tommy "King Twerp" Cruise
Antics: He's a humor challenged twerp with dysfunctional hormones.

According to an alert PIGster, Torpid Tommy Cruise is prime Girlie Man material. Obviously, the PIG staff agrees, so here we all are, enshrining Twerpy Tommy as PIG's Girlie Man of the Week.

We 'got it' when he dropped Spanish spitfire Penelope Cruz and landed in the smoldering, uh, lap, of a South American hyper hottie named Sofia Vergara, because, by any rational standard, that's trading 'up', big damn time. In PIG's considered opinion, Sex Goddess Sofia is way too much woman for little Tommy and, apparently, Tommy boy agreed. How else can you explain the incomprehensible fact that he just ditched Smoking Sofia - a woman whose potent sexuality is legendary - and moved down the babe-o-licious food chain...way down, to a Dawnson's Creek wench...some girl next door cuteness named Katie Holmes. Apparently, this avowed virgin, Katie "I'm saving it until I'm married" Holmes, is just Torpid Tommy's speed.

Squandering a cosmic hottie like Sofia for Katie Holmes helped Tommy boy edge out some, uh, stiff competition (lame pun attempted deliberately) but it wasn't enough to score the top spot in this week's Girlie Man of the Week contest. But, there's much more to Tommy than dysfunctional hormones.

Girlie Man bonus points were conferred on Twerpy Tommy because he's egregiously humor challenged. Exhibit 'A' on this point involves his on-going feud with an inspired, satirical publication called "The Buffalo Beast". The Beast boys strayed onto Tommy's radar when they made him #39 on their infamous "50 Most Loathsome People of 2004" list. Faster than warp speed shyster spit, Cruise aimed his legal goon squad at the Beast and the rest, as they say is history.

For dropping a scorcher like Sofia...For replacing her with goody-goody Katie...For being a whining punk with the Buffalo Beast, Tommy "King Twerp" Cruise is PIG's Girlie Man of The Week.

Girlie Man Of The Week
Date Awarded: April 23, 2005

Winner: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Antics: Turned to jello when lefties challenged his "close the border" verbiage

"Close the borders in California and all across Mexico and in the United States. Because I think it is just unfair to have all those people coming across, have the borders open the way it is, and have this kind of lax situation."
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, April 19, 2005

Mexifornia's action hero governor got a tad too real during an appearance, yesterday, when he laid down some harsh truths about stemming the border jumping scumbag tide, but, regrettably, the ensuing News Nitwit furor took the starch out of him in record time. Faster than a border jumper sprinting to grab those taxpayer funded handouts, the Terminator channeled his inner girlie man with apologies, a frantic clarification and the usual political hack weasel words. "Close the borders" changed, for the time being, to "secure our borders", but give him 5 minutes more in the Korrectnik bull's-eye and he'll be laying out a red goddamn carpet for every border jumping scumbag invader between the Rio Grande and Tierra del Fuego.

For a minute there, the Terminator flirted with PIG's vaunted Hero Of The Week. Thanks to his spineless girlie man antics, he just became a lock for PIG's newest award: Girlie Man of The Week.

PIG, generously, bestows the following wisdom on Mexifornia's action hero governor: Grow a goddamn spine Arnold and stop kissing all that border jumping scumbag ass.