me up, again, Ben baby
Believe it or not, Ben Franklin owes the successful outcome of experiments
with electricity to the contributions of his significant, female,
other - a woman he, affectionately, called 'Zap' for her immeasurable
assistance during his experiments with lightning. Before he moved
on to his highly publicized antics with his kite and key, Ben had
Zap stand on their home's roof...holding a metal rod over her head...during
a particularly dramatic thunderstorm. Needless to say it was an...electrifying
experience for all concerned.
salutes Zap for her contributions to science.
be a moron, Chris, ask somebody
Christopher Columbus's significant, female, other never gets the
credit she deserves for aiding the directionally-challenged Italian's
discovery of Amerika. Finding himself severely lost on his way to
the exotic East Indies, Chris remembered his sweetie's parting advice,
so he, belatedly, grudgingly, stopped to ask for directions. That's
how he really blundered into the New World.
salutes Chris's sweetie for her vital role in discovering Amerika.
a sock in it, motormouth
Henry Ford was immensely satisfied with his day job, until he got
married. A relentless, marathon talker, Henry's bride made any trip
- especially the long ones - seem like an eternity. Out of sheer
desperation, Henry started his automobile firm so he could shorten
those trips to a merciful minimum via his motorized - too noisy
to hear the wench - ride.
salutes Henry Ford's gabby bride for her contribution to Amerikan
man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
Alexander Graham Bell only required one creature comfort to make
him a very happy camper: some peace and quiet while he sat in his
favorite chair reading his preferred fishwrap. Unfortunately, the
charming Mrs. Bell loved having her galpals over so she could stay
up to date on the latest gossip, thus disturbing Alexander's repose.
Terminally distracted, a frantic Alexander invented the telephone
to keep his bride in constant contact with her chums...from a distance.
In addition to inventing the telephone, Alexander restored the peace
and quiet he craved.
salutes Mrs. Alexander Graham Bell for her contribution to telecommunications.
won't cut it this time, Marco
The only reason Marco Polo got up off the sofa was to go out into
the world to get some munchies to satisfy his perpetually urped
bride's preggers cravings. His epic journey to China began one memorable
night when his especially cranky bride demanded: "Something
different for a change. I don't care how long it takes or how far
you go to get it." We're not told what Mrs. Marco said when
her hubby returned, years later, with a tall tale and petrified
pasta, but you gotta know she didn't greet her wandering fool's
return with the silent treatment.
salutes Mrs. Marco Polo for her contribution to Italian cuisine.
by wifely hyperbole
George Armstrong Custer's fate was sealed when he took his devoted
wife's post-coital praise to heart. When she told him "You're
the best, George. They haven't made the man who is your equal."
he, erroneously, applied her words to his other manly pursuits.
That's why he had no qualms about attacking all those enraged Siberian-Amerikans
at the Little Big Horn. George learned, the hardest possible way,
that pillow talk has no place on the battlefield.
salutes Libby Custer for her generous contribution to Siberian-Amerikan