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WELCOME
TO POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS 101
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How Politically
Incorrect Are You? So you're feeling smirky and smug about your
political incorrectness...Is that your testimony Sparky? We're
not convinced...In fact, we're so unimpressed with your pathetic
impression of incorrectness, we dare you to take our quiz. If
you're really as politically incorrect as you think, we double
dog dare you to read these questions out loud to your terminally
liberal friends and family. Still feeling smug, Sparky? No problem,
let's get started, shall we?
1) Which
Marxist scumbag invented Political Correctness?
A) Chairman Mao, may he rot in hell the commie bastard.
B) Some twisted U.C. Beserkeley bastard named Herbert Marcuse.
C) I don't know, but if the son-of-a-bitch isn't already dead
we should hunt him down and shoot him like a dirty dog.
D) What's Political Correctness?
2) Who perpetrated a racist atrocity called Affirmative Action?
A) I haven't got a clue, but if I ever catch up with him, he'll
be one sorry S.O.B.
B) The last time I affirmed any action was that
time I got to be the judge at a wet t-shirt contest.
C) A guilt-ridden political punk named Lyndon Johnson is the one
who gave us this royal 'white males need not apply' shafting.
D) Affirmative Action means I don't have the likes of you cluttering
up my life.
3) What's the proper way to greet the differently-sexual?
A) Burn in hell, homo.
B) If you lay one swishy finger on me, I'll stomp you.
C) A sweet piece like you is a dyke? What a goddamn waste.
D) I am shocked, shocked I tell you, by answers A, B & C.
4) What is a bisexual?
A) Somebody who can't decide which team to play on, so they play
on both.
B) An alleged human who hasn't got the stones to admit that he,
she, heshe or it is a homo.
C) A buy sexual, is another name for a hooker.
D) I hate you homophobic mutants so much.
5) When is National Slave Reparations Day Celebrated?
A) On Nathan Bedford Forest's birthday.
B) Any day we can get these Ethnocrats to stop whining.
C) Black History Month.
D) You should be horse whipped for making fun of our nation's
tragic, slave-owning legacy.
6) How is National Slave Reparations Day commemorated?
A) Give every slave you meet a card entitling them to 10 acres
of land and a mule in Zimbabwe, plus a map showing their present
location, Amerika ("you are here") and an arrow pointing to Zimbabwe
("collect your land and mule, here").
B) I don't believe in slavery, but I'm primed to do some serious
reparations action if you could arrange for me to rent that Melanin-Enriched
hottie in my office for an evening of horizontal bingo.
C) You mean if we pay them enough, they'll shut the hell up and
move away?
D) You racist bastards disgust me.
7) How Is National Oppressors Day commemorated?
A) Every properly-hyphenated pinhead is given an "oppressor for
the day" card that entitles them to oppress anyone he, she, heshe
or it meets on this glorious day.
B) If Salma Hayek or Bai Ling decide to oppress me, I'll be so
cooperative, it'll make her head spin.
C) This holiday sucks. I prefer the other holiday - the one where
they shut up and moved way.
D) Only white male cretins like you would make fun of something
as serious as oppression.
8) When is National Patriarchy Day commemorated?
A) Any time I can elude the old ball and chain and sneak into
the local nudie bar.
B) Cady Staton's birthday.
C) Women's History Month.
D) I'll turn you sexist pigs into eunuchs.
9) How is National Patriarchy Day commemorated?
A) Nad-shaped 'patriarch for a day' cards are issued to all those
liberated harpies, allowing them to wear a jockstrap and objectify
any tasty wench that strikes their fancy.
B) All the dudes put on hard hats, arm themselves with brewskies,
then compete to see which one can gross out the most womyn studies
majors at the local university.
C) I tell everyone I'm an old country Italian named Mario and
go on a butt-pinching rampage.
D) This is by far, your most disgusting idea of them all.
10) What is the proper way to greet the differently-svelte?
A) Move your Jupiter size ass, hippo breath.
B) Hey, lard ass, do you plan to inhale the whole buffet or could
you lumber to one side and let the rest of us eat?
C) Jeez Louise, were you born that fat, or did you just swallow
an elephant?
D) For your information, I'm not FAT...I'm big-boned.
11) Which is bigger: Barney Frank, Michael Moore, Rosy O'Donnell
or Jupiter?
A) Why didn't you tell me that calculus was a prerequisite for
this test?
B) Do Barney's chaps count in the calculation?
C) Am I the only one that noticed all four of the choices are
full of hot air?
D) Your childish questions are not the least bit amusing.
12) When is American Sovereignty Day Celebrated?
A) Every time we catch some border jumping scumbag and throw their
sorry ass back over the border.
B) What are you dudes smoking? Our sovereignty got snuffed out
when the Colonistas took a whiz in the American Melting Pot.
C) Zachary Taylor's Birthday.
D) That tears it, I'm telling my mommy on you!
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