PIG's One-Size-Fit's-All Oppression Barometer

Ever have one of those days?

Ever find yourself besieged by properly-hyphenated peabrains, each of whom had their own victimist issues?

Ever asked yourself why there isn't some handy-dandy list that tells you which victim group gets first dibs on the unearned plunder?

If any of the foregoing items hits close to home, you're in the right place for all the answers you'll ever need, Sparky. Your favorite Online magazine is thrilled spitless to unveil PIG's Oppression Pecking Order. PIG's Oppression Pecking Order is so user friendly that even a government cess-schooled graduate can grasp it: the higher you are on this list, the more oppressed you are. (Refer to the footnotes following this list for certain thrilling details.)

Oppression's Reigning Queens - Properly-Hyphenated Women

Amerikan Born Melanin-Enriched females
Border Jumping Hispanic females
Green Carded/Naturalized Hispanic females
Foreign Born Melanin Enriched females
Amerikan born Hispanic females
Asian females, native and imported

Oppression's Crown Princes - Properly-Hyphenated Men

Amerikan Born Melanin-Enriched Males
Border Jumping Hispanic Males
Green Carded/Naturalized Hispanic Males
Foreign Born Melanin Enriched Males
Amerikan born Hispanic Males
Asian Men, native and imported

Oppression's Wanna-Be Whiners

Un-Hyphenated White Females
Hyphenated White Males (Slavic, Eastern Eurotrash, Etc)

Oppressors, To Their Very Core

Un-Hyphenated White Males

Based on this Korrectnik pecking order, unhyphenated, white, non-liberal males can be attacked with impunity. Any wrong - real, imagined, or pulled out of your ass - perpetrated by a given white male is, automatically, laid on the heads of all white males. It is safe to assume that anything an unhyphenated white male says is, inherently, politically incorrect.

[Note 1: Within each category, the differently-sexual rate ahead of their boringly-heterosexual counterparts.]

[Note 2: Within each category, political philosophy can raise or lower your standing. Liberal asshats get a slight bump up the whiner ladder, while conservative dweebs move farther down the whiner ladder.]

[Note 3: Those deemed race or gender ‘traitors’ by Korrectniks are demoted to the lowest category (unhyphenated white males), regardless of their immutable traits. I.E. A avowed melanin-enriched conservative is demoted to ‘oppressor’, thus losing all his hyphenated privileges.]