WHITE, GUILT-RIDDEN LIBERALS
White, Guilt-Ridden, Bleeding Heart
Jumping on any bandwagon, and promoting any liberal,
trendy, politically correct en vogue cause. White Liberal
is not a victim of any real oppression. If he/she is
a victim of anything, it is 12 years of public school
indoctrination, revisionist history, MTV, NBA, Rap/Hip-Hop/Graffiti
MANTRA: "I feel your pain."
DUTIES: As an Apprentice-Enabler, Coddling White
Liberal is responsible for promoting and advocating
p.c./m.c., double-standards, affirmative-action, feminism,
gay rights, special rights. Primarily through media,
academia, advertising, public education, court system,
workplace, and anywhere else people are exercising freedom,
rights and fun.
CAUSES: Besides the usual Race/Ethnicity, Gender,
Orientation issues, White liberal loves to spread the
guilt all around and will back any shallow, trendy,
anti-corporate, anti-American, anti-male, anti-Western/white,
anti-religious, anti-smoking, anti-gun, anti-red meat,
anti-police, causes, including animal rights, environmental,
fat acceptance, abortion rights, welfare expansion.
OCCUPATION: Professional 6th year college student.
Still deciding on major. Either law, education, psychology,
journalism, acting, body piercing, or fine art.
ATTIRE: Although their main habitat is Suburban
America, they must maintain "urban" look.
Mandatory body piercings, tattoos, facial hair, Purposely
dresses down, adopting the Ed Norton-urban dweller-look.
FEAST DAYS: Other peoples' pay days.
HOBBIES: Collecting entitlement checks, spending
other peoples' money. Shows up at any trendy rally,
protest, hunger-strike, riot, all-you-can-eat restaurants,
OPPRESSOR CODE WORDS: "Get a job, punk!"
FAMOUS CODDLERS: Dan Rather, Ted Kennedy.
MEMO FROM PIG: Keep hanging around the 'Hood,
and eventually you'll get mugged.
Liberal, Self-Victimizing, Ungrateful, Non-Achieving Ethnic
Minorities and all other properly-hyphenated groups with chips
on their shoulders, or an Anti-American, multicultural axe to
"400 years of
oppression". "We were here first" "You stole
our land." "No justice, no peace" Genocide,
Smallpox, La Raza...
Diversity, Entitlement, Reparations, Level Playing Field, Disenfranchised,
Months: Black, Latino, Asian, Indian.
Jesse Jackson, Al
Sharpton, Maxine Waters, Kweisi Infume, New Black Panthers,
Rainbow Coalition, MALDEF, La
Raza, MECHA, any
Whitey, Police, INS,
"The Man" "Western Judeo-Christian Value System",
"Dead White Males", Columbus Day Parades.
Student organizations, promoting victim status.
of PIG's best friends and relatives are Black, Asian, Latino,
hell, even liberal, they are too busy WORKING in the real world
to make their living as sniveling, ungrateful, hyphenated-American
NO-NAD's, Feminazis, MsAnthropes, Gendercrats.
MANTRA: Men are pigs. The women who love them are too.
HOLY WORDS: Affirmative Action, Diversity, Entitlement, Level
Playing Field, Glass Ceiling, Survivor, Suffering, Empowerment.
FEAST DAYS: The Periodica - A Ritual Bloodletting performed
every 28 days.
LEADERS/GROUPS: Oprah, Comrade Hillary, Gloria Allred, NOW
TRIBAL ATTIRE: Bad Haircut, sensible shoes, fashions by "Hefty".
PRIMARY OPPRESSOR: Patriarchy
OPPRESSOR CODE WORDS: Pro-life, Traditional Family Values,
Wet T-Shirt Contest, Centerfold
DOUBLE-STANDARDS: All womyn clubs or schools = good. All
male clubs or schools = bad.
MEMO FROM PIG: If you want to act like a man, expect to be
treated like a man, dude.
Gays, Lesbians, Queers, Transgenders, Transvestites, Transsexual
MANTRA: Homophobe, Breeder, Hater, Such A Brute!, Fabulous
HOLY WORDS: Affirmative Action, Diversity, Entitlement, All-Inclusive,
Acceptance, Alternative Lifestyle, Awareness
FEAST DAYS: Gay Pride Parades, Anniversary of Matthew Shepard's
death, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, or Madonna's Birthday.
TERMS OF ADDRESS: Girlfriend!
TRIBAL ATTIRE: Combat boots, baggies, skin-tight tank-tops.
Leather diapers on Parade Day.
OCCUPATIONS: Hair dresser, Interior designer, Art, Fashion,
Hollywood make-up artist. Some have been spotted in public restrooms.
TV SHOWS: I Love Lucy, Oprah, Will and Grace, Queer As Folks,
LEADERS/GROUPS: Richard Simmons, RuPaul, GLAAD, ACT-UP
PRIMARY OPPRESSOR: Homophobic* bible thumpers. Breeders.
OPPRESSOR CODE WORDS: Sanctity of marriage.
DOUBLE-STANDARDS: Silencing anyone who criticizes their way
of life. Your "orientation" may be genetic, but publicly
prancing about in leather diapers is a choice.
MEMO FROM PIG: You have the right to conduct your personal
life as you please. But
let's get real and stop being so sensitive. If you can take a high,
hard one up your you-know-what, then you ought to be able to take