a civic-minded, properly-sensitized individual whose avocation involves
providing law enforcement officials with a case load, you want to
ensure that you're victimizing the right people. No self-respecting
desperado, deliberately strays across the line into a hate crime
rap. With our help, you can rest easy, secure in the knowledge that
you're targeting approved victims for approved reasons (a.k.a. motive).
easiest way to dodge the hate crime bullet involves picking the
right motive. Cutting to the chase: you are free to victimize anyone,
as long as your motive passes muster. A useful rule of thumb states
that the more irrational the motive, the higher the approval rating.
Utterly random victim selection affords you maximum protection from
a hate crime rap.
few examples should illustrate this point.
"On the spur of the moment, I decided to shoot (rob, assault) the
next person I met."
"On the spur of the moment, I decided to shot (rob, assault) the
next beaner (homo, spade, chink) I met."
"His dog took a dump in my front yard."
"That beaner's dog took a dump in my front yard."
"Her shoes made a very annoying sound."
"That dyke's shoes made a very annoying sound."
"He (or she) wore yellow and I'm off yellow, today."
"That chink wore yellow and I'm off chinks in yellow today."
resides at the pinnacle of hate crime avoidance, if, and only if,
the desperado is properly-hyphenated. Oppressors (unhyphenated white
males) are judged, entirely, on the immutable characteristics of
If your foray into law enforcement case load enhancement is motive-challenged,
victim selection becomes vital. Several elements must be considered
during victim selection. In order of importance they are: race (ethnicity),
sexual orientation, religious affiliation. Taking each item in turn,
we offer the following guidelines:
The darker the skin, the higher the risk. Unhyphenated whites are
GLAAD BAAGs are very high risk. Straights are fair game.
Mecca Maniacs and Torah True Believers are very high risk. Buddhists
and Hindus are only a slight risk. Christians are fair game.
only sounds complicated. In reality, it's boils down to a few simple
1: You can't be nailed for a hate crime if you restrict your
victim choices to members of your own clan (Your own clan includes
race, sexual orientation, and religious affiliation).
2: You'll never be nailed with a hate crime if you victimize
heterosexual, white male Christians. They don't even register on
the hate crime victim radar.
3: Avoid perpetrating your crime in sections of town that are
heavily populated by rival clan members.
you're rock solid on motive, go forth and pursue your career in
law enforcement case load enhancement. If you feel a bit 'wobbly'
as the Brits would say, take the time to interrogate your intended
victim to determine that they don't harbor some undetected hate
crime risk factors. It only takes a few moments and saves you from
Guest-of -the-State status, on the off chance that you are escape-plan-challenged.
Perpetrate in haste, repent at leisure (20 years to life).